Do I Need A Warning Or Should I Just Call My Attorney?  

rm_talldarkavg1 105M
15586 posts
8/30/2005 6:36 am
Do I Need A Warning Or Should I Just Call My Attorney?

Last night I had to go to WallyWorld's photo department to have a couple of 8x10's made. Normally this practice is foolish, but after looking at the photo I decided it couldn't possibly get screwed up any worse. It was a family portrait of a rather unattractive clan. And when I say unattractive...you getting the picture? We're talking unattractive.

Anyway, while I was waiting I decided to go browsing. What I discovered was the impetus for this blog. In my search for Truth, Justice, and the American Way (I just realized...what if Superman's space ship was off a few degrees? He may have been SuperAbdulah. Fighting the infidels...oops, got sidetracked). Anyway, I started reading some product labels. Yikes.

I understand that here in the U.S. we love our lawyers. Yep, look crosseyed at me and if I don't jump out and kick your ass, I'll sue it. I also realize that we need product warnings to remove responsibility of the manufacturer in case of a lawsuit. However...when is enough enough? Here are some actual warnings I encountered.

LAWNMOWER: Do not stick hands or feet into chute while mower is running. Blades are turning while mower is running. Wait a minute! This DOES NOT mention anything about my dick! The vibration...hmmm.

STROLLER: Caution: Remove child from stroller before folding. Hmm, what about before I push it down a flight of stairs?

CLOTHING IRON: Do not iron clothes while wearing. While wearing what? A hat? A necktie? Boots? I'm no mind reader you know.

CHILDREN'S COUGH SYRUP: Caution: may cause drowsiness. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery. This is stupid. What about my helicopter? Can they still fly my chopper?

HAIR DRYER: Do not use while in shower. Why not? Bathrooms all have a ground fault circuits.

There are many many more. At the point I just stopped reading this stuff something dawned on me! Hey...wait a minute. These warnings are designed to remove liability because some people are stupid, will do something stupid, and sue. We are going about it all wrong kids. If you protect them...you'll have to keep on protecting them.

How about this? Remove all warnings...from everything. In a week or two...the stupid people will all be dead. No more warnings! Geez, you'd think the government would have figured this out.


[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
8/30/2005 10:46 am

Thank you Ma'am...just doing my job.

[blog talldarkavg1]


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