And You Thought YOUR Family Was Dysfunctional??  

rm_talldarkavg1 105M
15586 posts
9/1/2005 12:47 pm
And You Thought YOUR Family Was Dysfunctional??

Back when I was kid families weren't dysfunctional. They were just families. Now we have a catagory. Cool. Any of this sound familiar?

Let's start with the head of the family. Are Mom's off-center? My Mother taught me about: ANTICIPATION ..."Just wait until your father gets home.", RECEIVING ..."You are going to get it when we get home!", to MEET A CHALLENGE ... "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you ... Don't talk back to me!", LOGIC ..."If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.", MEDICAL SCIENCE ..."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.", ESP ..."Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?", OPTIONS ..."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me!", GENETICS ...
"You're just like your father!", ROOTS ...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?", and of course, JUSTICE..."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you'll see what it's like."

What about Dad? Come to think of it...it's probably a lot easier to list what he WOULDN'T ever say:

* Well how 'bout that? I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

* You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for non-chaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

* I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude. I like that in a young person!

* Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO CRAZY!!!

* What do you mean you want to play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

* Your mother and I are going away for while. You might want to consider throwing a party.

* Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickie thingies - you know - that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to the mechanic's and pay whatever they ask.

* No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now quit your belly aching and lets get to the mall.

* Whaddaya want to go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

* Father's Day? Ah - don't worry about that - it's no big deal.

Several years ago one of my mother's relatives died. No one was sure exactly how this guy was related, but he was. Somehow. The entire clan turned out. The funeral home is a place of respect right? Let's recap some behavior shall we? I'm not talking outright disrespectful like putting plastic vampire teeth in the dead guy's mouth or anything. Just ODD stuff. Ever see any of this?

Ever pose for a photo shaking the dead guy's hand? Ever see anybody tagging the body saying "You're it" and when told to stop claiming, "He started it!"? Ever know of ANYBODY that used a whoopee cushion at a funeral home?

How about those Pearls of family wisdom:
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Clones are people two.
A woman's rule of thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
To be or not to be. (William Shakespeare - Hamlet)
To do is to be. (Descartes)
To be is to do. (Voltaire)
Do be do be do. (Sinatra)

I THINK I covered it.


[blog talldarkavg1]


dano6332 56M

9/1/2005 1:32 pm

lol Bravo and thanks Makes me teary eyed for all the siblings


rm_lioness_clit 41F
3 posts
9/1/2005 1:55 pm

Are you sure we're not from the same family tree! I'm the one on the twisted side....lol


rm_lioness_clit 41F
3 posts
9/1/2005 1:57 pm

Are you sure we're not from the same family tree? I'm the one on the twisted side....lol


SoljerBlu 39M

9/1/2005 2:16 pm

Are you sure you ain't my little brother? Or at least a cousin. You for got the three F's rule... if it Flies, Floats or Fucks, just rent it.


SoljerBlu 39M

9/1/2005 2:18 pm

Are you sure you ain't my little brother? Or at least a cousin. You certainly knew my Dad. And you forgot the three F's rule.. if it Flies, FLoats of Fucks, just rent it. (You're crazier than me.. scary.)


Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

9/1/2005 2:26 pm

this is dysfunctional? ooops....


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/1/2005 3:22 pm

Woodstock...hey wait a minute...Country Joe is that you? I loved Woodstock! Still have the vinyl. Now I forgot what I was going to say.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/1/2005 3:23 pm

Oh yea...Woodstock...hey wait a minute...Country Joe is that you? I loved Woodstock! Still have the vinyl. Now I forgot what I was going to say. (OK...I'm scared too)

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readytolay_3
(What the fuck is this shit..?? *rolls eyes*)
105F

9/1/2005 3:54 pm

One more thing you'll NEVER hear a Dad tell his daughter about when sizeing a Man up.....blab blab blab and never have eyes bigger than your pussy.

Ready


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/2/2005 7:48 am

lmao...hilarious as usual.


annie0013 61F

9/7/2005 9:13 pm

Really funny person; you should be writing for Leno!!


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 7:44 am

Dano me too. Thanks

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 7:45 am

Lioness...after gazing intently at your screen name...I am certain that we are related!

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 7:45 am

Lioness...see above

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 7:47 am

PNS...that's my middle name.

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 7:48 am

Oh Jeez Kately...another law enforcement agency looking me? I'm already in hot water from the Decency Police.

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 7:50 am

Ready I'll go along with you on that one! I made my oldest's dates fill out a financial statement a week in advance.

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 7:54 am

Girltech good for you! Always stick to your guns.

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 7:57 am

DT, thank you.

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 7:58 am

Huny I told you so!

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rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 7:59 am

Annie get me the job...keep 20%.

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