A Little FYI ... What NOT To Do At A Wedding  

rm_talldarkavg1 105M
15586 posts
9/6/2005 10:03 am
A Little FYI ... What NOT To Do At A Wedding

Hope everyone had a safe and productive holiday weekend. Labor Day is a great extended weekend but...it kinda signals that summer is a goner. I love summer. Fall is tolerable. I enjoy the colors and all...BUT...cold weather sucks. I really really dislike it and Jack Frost can nip at my backside.

I was in the ChicagoLand area this weekend shooting a wedding. All-in-all, not a horrible experience...but definitely a learning one. First off...never assume a church will be air conditioned. Second...never assume that nobody throws up in church. And third...never assume that after someone throws up in church that it isn't slippery. No need to elaborate here...I think you get the picture.

The real joy of any wedding is always the reception. Booze and marriage go hand in hand. It starts at the reception...goes downhill from there. Since I was photographing everything I had nothing to drink except pop. Well, not exactly true...right after the middle-aged couple got thrown out around 9ish for having sex on the table in the food tent...I started drinking. Did manage to squeeze off a shot or two of them by the way. More about these kids later.

It rather surprised me as I observed wedding behavior from a sober frame of reference. First time I think. With this behind me, I doubt that I will ever drink at a wedding again. Or possibly ever in general.

Let's start with dancing Alfred, I'll just call him Al. Al is a ballroom dancer. Lots of spinning, dipping, long strides, and always a perfect posture. Fairly graceful too. All Al was missing is a partner. Dancing Al didn't miss many songs, left arm extended, right arm bent at the elbow tight against his chest. But no partner. A little FYI...no matter what song played Al had one dance in his repertoire, a waltz. Seems Al has a war injury or something. Nobody really knows. Every family has one of those people I was told. Hmm, my family has 6.

There was Dirty Dancing Howard. Seems Howard was having a one man party in his pants. No matter what song played, Howard stood in one spot, hands bent at the elbows and held over his head, and just humped air. Sometimes he briefly had a partner but most of the time he didn't. More FYI...never seemed to have the same partner twice. I guess ever family has one of them too. My family doesn't. I guess that one died or something.

Now back to the table humpers. They looked to be in their late 50's maybe early 60's. Could have been in their 30's but crackheads I suppose. No matter. They were cuddly all evening. They were not married to each other. I think they were both single. Anyways, you know weddings...love is in the air. After a few hours of drinking, watching Howard, and grinding against each other every slow dance...seems nature ran its course. Yep, full-fledged, bare ass hummpage on a food table. Never got to hear if every family has one of them..I know my family has a whole herd of them.

All-in-all a pretty good time actually. However...if anyone ever hears me mention I am shooting a wedding again...slap the hell out me. Please.


[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
9/6/2005 10:30 am

Pop? POP? Now there's a term that will divide the country...
I am from a pop state but left there asap and have lived in soda states ever since. They tend to be warmer, incidentally.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


xx_44DD_xx 51F

9/6/2005 10:35 am

1hot is right tda........ if you were "truly" in chicagoland? You were indeed drinking soda.


Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

9/6/2005 10:38 am

ewwwww wedding sex...


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/6/2005 10:50 am

Wahine...alas...I am from a pop state. I remember it originally as soda pop. But, as everyone knows, saying 2 words is just too damn cumbersome. Locally pop became the phrase of choice. I'm so embarrassed.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/6/2005 10:52 am

44DD you are correct. The reception was in Lemont. Nice town. Everyone BUT me refered to is as soda. "Sure you don't want something other than soda?" No thank you...just another can of pop.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/6/2005 10:53 am

PNS...I was scared. Nearly cried. I thought I heard growling noises.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
9/6/2005 11:05 am

in the south we call it coke or co-cola ... the soda pop drink stuff that is not the wedding sex stuff

ya gotta be careful with that Dirty Dancing Howard stuff or before you know it you got the bride's grandma on one leg and the groom's grandma on the other and you ain't going nowhere until they're finished with you

at least the humpers didn't have a fetish for wedding cake ... that wouldn't have been a good wedding memory

if i ever get married, i want to get married on Halloween ... that would be scary fun ... might explain why i've never been married ... it would be cute though ... i'd have the ring bearer dressed like Chucky




S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo
.
~Dante~


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/6/2005 11:11 am

Honni they are in fact. LOL, usually office parties don't have the photographic evidence that the weddings have. Office parties usally only have the Xerox's.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_CookieLips2 61M

9/6/2005 11:31 am

Hummpage? On a food table? Would you care to please elaborate on this? You know me.....I am confused here............


sweetest_sin_05 37M/37F

9/6/2005 11:38 am

Sounds like a great time!


CuteAZguy27 39M
1545 posts
9/6/2005 1:08 pm

The worst part of a wedding is when church lights are off, people are driving home, you know for a fact that two people are having sex that night, and your still the single guy going home with no one....geeze i hate weddings.

-CuteAZguy27


FunandFrisky79 41M/37F

9/6/2005 1:54 pm

TDA- Aren't weddings just grand? lol

Speaking of weddings, I got engaged on Thursday!!! I'm a little worried, though... my family is pretty crazy! (Remind me not to ask you to be the photographer! lol).

Then again, maybe you could shoot some "wedding night" pictures!? Hmmm, that could be fun!

Luke- I always thought it would be cool to get married on Halloween, too! It's my favorite holiday! And, what fun it would be! I could go as the Bride of Frankenstein. Or, maybe I could go for the sexy approach. You know... hot nurse, bad schoolgirl, or maybe even a pirate! Argghhhh!

(Hmmm... I may begin looking into this. There may be a Halloween wedding in my future!)

]


frbnkslady 48F
6183 posts
9/6/2005 3:28 pm

LMAO, soda/pop who cares as long as someone added something to it... T

T




DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/6/2005 10:14 pm

TD? Humpage? Boobage? I'm getting one hell of an education here.

lmao MzHuny...


LoveHandles686 68M

9/7/2005 6:30 pm

Hey, I went to a wedding this weekend too. If it weren't for the couple humping on the food table I would have said that it was the same wedding, maybe I just missed the floor show. Tell me, did they play the "Electric Slide" at the wedding you attended? It's not a wedding in Virginia without that music.

We had a great time at the wedding. We were sitting at our table at the reception and I was chatting with the couple sitting next to me about how I was going to be traveling to Russia next month to help teach Russian prosecutors how to use technoology in the courtroom. My wife chimed in with "I sure wish I could go with him for that." Sitting accross the table from us was an 86 year old woman. As soon as I mentioned my pending trip she let out a big gasp, when my wife chimed in she let out another incredulous gasp. Several minutes later we learned from the couple sitting next to the older lady that she thought that I said that I was going to Russia to teach Russian prostitutes how to use technology and that my wife wanetd to go a see that as well. Well, not as funny as a couple humping on the food table but it did give our whole table a great laugh.


sweetthang2877 39F
534 posts
9/7/2005 6:48 pm

TDA, are you sure it wasn't YOU on the food table?????
Perhaps that's why you can't remember if you got a picture of it!?


dano6332 56M

9/7/2005 9:19 pm

Tall, All I know is I am so pissed at my family. Boy get a divorce and they leave you off the list. Please dont run those shots of my dad on the table because 1. Mom will get pissed and 2. Dad will never stop bragging about it.
LMAO thanks


rm_lickmepretty 50F
851 posts
9/7/2005 10:20 pm

Dang boy, you were just 10 minutes down the road from me and didn't "POP" in to say hi? You're gonna get a spankin!


Claudette33 106M/106F

9/8/2005 3:34 pm

TD - Weddings can be fun or funny, but I think they can be misleading for the bride and groom. Here you have this really BIG dress-up day where you are the star, then after this great high, you start real married life. Yeah, it gives couples mutual experiences for memories, but that's about the value of it. I, myself, did not have a wedding - my husband and I eloped. I have always felt that it made our marriage more real - it was just about the commitment. I must have sold this concept pretty well because my daughter eloped, too. Altho she told us before, and we helped her plan it!

Claudette


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:29 am

Luke...you have some good ideas here. You notice I said here. Not good for marriage, good for comments. Ring bearers should always be dressed as one of the Seven Dwarves. Doc is most common!

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:30 am

Cookie they were engaged in a rather personal interaction of a sexual nature. Granted the lights were all but non-existant in that area...but still....

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:31 am

Sweetest it was fun all in all!

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:32 am

Sassy...the Xerox thingy...different angles...hmm. I wonder if that is safety glass?

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:33 am

AZ that is a disappointment for me too. I was eyeing one lady but I feared her IV line would get in the way.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:35 am

Congrats Frisky! I would love to shoot your wedding night! We could use a couple of FunHouse mirrors for effects. A smoke machine, I have a few more ideas that I'm working on too.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:36 am

T it was bland and plain. I do not drink and work well. One or the other.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:37 am

LOL Honi...there is absolutely NO chance of me appearing on American Idol. I am to talentless as beans are to flatulence.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:38 am

DT I have fashioned our language into more comprehensive and moldable forms. Came from the Doobage days I think.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:40 am

LOL Love, worked for me. They played from an Electra Glide...does that count?

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:42 am

ST good point. I do have those blackouts. I will keep you posted. I get the stuff back from the lab tomorrow. I'll look.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:43 am

Temporarily wounded Honi. OK though. Thank you.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:43 am

LOL Dano...you got it.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:45 am

Lick NOW you tell me!

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:46 am

Travel...I'm still dangling around

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:48 am

Traveling...can't beat a southern funeral. I enjoy the farting too. I think my favorite is the popping of beer tabs though.

[blog talldarkavg1]


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
9/12/2005 10:50 am

Claudette I have done both. 12 weddings, 9 elopments, 3 JP services, and 1 involving a really pissed guy and a shotgun.

[blog talldarkavg1]


Become a member to create a blog