realizations  

rm_smosmof2 67M
963 posts
8/25/2006 1:22 pm

Last Read:
9/2/2009 7:49 pm

realizations


There was a posting exchange that ended with me commenting the following:

"After four decades of (thinking of sex all the time), I've learned how to suppress it, just so I can be functional.

I'm curious to see how much I'll be able to suppress before I explode all over everything.........."

As soon as I hit the post key, I knew I had identified what had so bothered me all week, and why I was so afraid to go to the con. I'm jamming it all inside, and fear an explosion (always have .... more than any external issues, I fear my own anger more than anything.)

I am so afraid that the next thing I suppress will cause everything to blow up....and when it happens it will be messy....and I won't be able to clean it up....

The next thing I want and can't have might do it...

tick, tick, tick......


moonlightphoenix 45F
6508 posts
8/25/2006 1:44 pm

Keep breathing, my friend. Just breathe.


rm_smosmof2 replies on 8/25/2006 6:07 pm:
I want to hold my breath til I turn blue!

Blue is such an attractive color.....

rm_Jezdatip 64F
1335 posts
8/25/2006 10:50 pm

You are definitely a time bomb waiting to explode. Yess, you must need something you didn't get on your vacation. It seems that you've repressed your thoughts of something warm, wet, and pleasingly soft too many times and now its taken its toll on you. If you don't vent soon, you could be in need of a midnight clean up crew. ]


rm_smosmof2 replies on 8/26/2006 4:18 am:
If all I need afterwards is a midnight clean up crew, I'm in ok shape.

There's too much other stuff going on that does worry me, though...

but appearantly, it isn't imminent (according to the data I've gathered the last two days.

curiousinlorain7 59F

8/26/2006 3:58 am

I don't know what to tell you .... I wish I had some magic words that would pour out comfort for you. Each of us have that thing inside of us that helps to gage what we say and do. SOmetimes we do need to externalize things because the explosion is rarely the right one..and frequently has bad fallout. I do not know the daily things that you bottle up inside you..i know some as you do share here.. but you need to have a release valve ..someplace..or someone with whom you can vent those conflicting things warring inside you... you have a great ability to write.. try to write them out.. I enjoy my blog friendship here with you..and don't want you to do something that you'll regret...let me know..and truly..truly..truly i mean this...let me know what I can do to help you..please


rm_smosmof2 replies on 8/26/2006 4:39 am:
Thank you for your good wishes....

if wishes were fishes no one would ever go hungry.

I don't think there's anything anyone can do at this point. Reversing time doesn't seem to be a viable option....

The lack of a release valve is both the cause of the problem and the aggravator of it... I have no one to talk to except here, and nothing here is real....

I can't write this out. I'm terrified to even touch those parts of me for fear that disturbing them will unleash them, and I can't bear to touch them anyway. too much anger, too much empty, too much alone. stuff it away... no good to anybody, can't get rid of it, just squash it.

nobody can make me younger or richer....or move me closer to any of the people who seem interested in me until they meet me. All I can do is shut everything down, remain functional and learn to chat amiably......

NSAAddict 42F

8/27/2006 3:18 pm

Wishing you some comfort and peace to fight those internal battles hugs to you Smo


rm_smosmof2 replies on 8/27/2006 3:30 pm:
Thank you, ma'am.....

Once again, just being able to identify what was bothering me helped served to take some of the pressure off.....

Should be good to go, for a while, at least.....

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