feeling better again...  

rm_smosmof2 67M
963 posts
4/20/2006 12:50 am

Last Read:
11/5/2006 12:44 am

feeling better again...

Clearly, there are some issues that are bothering me right now, and the whole "hopes and dreams" issue really was a sore spot between the xgf and I. Encountering it in that email last night caused some kind of "emotional infection" to burst, spreading nasty stuff all over the place.

Also, I realized last night that it has been six months since she stopped having sex with me, and from past experience I know that I seem to always hit some kind of "wall" at that point in time. After I get through this phase it all settles down to a kind of dull ache, but right about this point in time I always seem to go through some kind of emotional/physical addiction withdrawl symptoms.

After a couple of weeks of "blogging" heavily, I have become used to immediately directing all of my emotional outbursts into "print" on the computer. It's less harmful in the longrun than throwing and breaking things, and the blog audience is full of people that I will never meet, and thus becomes a safe outlet.

The issues I brought up are all still valid, but I am working on improving things. I just reached some kind of depressed point of despair last night, and the pin prick to the "hopes and dreams" emotional balloon just caused everything to be released all at once.

My thanks to all of the people who have given me words of encouragement in their comments. I've always been impatient for things to get better, and when they get like they are at the moment, it just seems like they're going to be that way forever.

It is very useful to me to have a "safe outlet" for all of these emotions, and I really don't expect any comments. (There, there... just doesn't help me any.) Once I spew, the infection does seem to drain out, and a reasonably short period of time later, I feel more like I can cope, and that's what it's all about. Nothing has change in the last 24 hours, except that I now feel like I can cope with it....

Thanks all, especially you, and you know who you are.....

NSAAddict 42F

11/4/2006 3:23 pm

I like the blogs for that very reason, it's a safe place to say the things that are on your mind that you wouldn't necessarily say in real life. Glad you've found this outlet Smo

A golden egg for a golden friend [post 575696]

rm_smosmof2 replies on 11/5/2006 12:48 am:
How did you dig up this "golden oldie"?

It's only been six months since I posted it, although it's interesting to look at it again now as a reminder of what an emotional yoyo I've become.....

I hope you were reading these in sequence, because this one only really makes sense as a followup to the post before it....

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