Sometimes I find the Mood choice inadaquete  

rm_smosmof2 67M
963 posts
4/10/2006 4:56 pm

Last Read:
4/10/2006 5:13 pm

Sometimes I find the Mood choice inadaquete


Like today.

I'm agitated. That isn't an option. The ex-girl friend emailed, and wanted to pick up some of the stuff she abandonded when she moved out last November. She later changed her mind and decided she wanted it back.

She said when she left that she wanted me to get back on my feet again, and then we'd work on a reconciliation. After I sent her roses on Valentine's Day, she said she'd changed her mind and that there would be no reconciliation.

I found out recently that she has a new boy friend. I can't stand the mentaly images of what must be going on now.

I emailed her back and told her that I didn't want to see her again, that I didn't want to hear her voice again. I told her to leave me alone.

She then called my cell phone repeatedly asking what the problem was. After I ended the last call by saying "Leave me alone" she then sent a voice message blaming the person who told me about seeing her out with her new boyfriend. I returned the voice message telling her that she was guilty of the same kind of dishonesty that she'd been pulling on me for months, deciding what I could and couldn't handle, and telling me things she thought I wanted to hear, because that way she could keep me under her control. She deals with everyone this way. She's very repressed. She'll let people walk all over her, and resent it, and would then come home and vent about it for hours. Beyond a certain point, I lost patience with this, and told her that she needed to confront the person she had the problem with instead of sucking it all in and then complaining to me about it.

(She'd tell me that she'd vent to me because she wanted me to go "there, there" and pat her on the knee, physically or symbolically. That never made any sense to me whatsoever. Still doesn't. I certainly don't vent because I wan't that kind of response. How utterly useless.....)

I feel lied to. I recognize that that's too strong a reaction, but I definetely think that she was being dishonest with me to keep me controlled, that she didn't think I could handle the truth.

Maybe she was right. Maybe I can't handle the truth. Maybe that's what this upset is all about. I don't think so. I think that the truth eventually comes out, always, and when one has been treated dishonestly, that just makes the truth harder to handle.

You're all welcome to tell me that I'm full of shit. It certainly won't be the first time in my life that I've been wrong about something.


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