I didn't mean to be rude, it just came out that way.....  

rm_smosmof2 67M
963 posts
4/3/2006 2:07 am

Last Read:
4/3/2006 2:22 am

I didn't mean to be rude, it just came out that way.....

I just kindof threw up all over someone elses blog. It started out a response to the totally reasonable rant that she was on, and just kept going until I'd puked my guts out.

Then I apoligized and left it there. Maybe if I'm lucky, she'll decide it's inappropriate and delete it. Maybe.

I knew that I was too wound up tonight. I actually got pretty busy at work and didn't get as much done as I'd wanted to in the alloted time. I knew that I was upset about hearing that my ex-girlfriend has a new guy while I'm dying over here.

Anger, frustration, wanting to make threats, and knowing that a) that would only make things worse, and b) that I could never really do anything. I feel impotent, trapped by my own limitations.

Too much emotion and no place to put it. Taking meds for my depression, but not able to change the circumstances of my life. That's ok, every thing changes in 3 weeks anyway. The place I work for has lost the account where I'm assigned. Don't know what will happen after the 24th.

Too much self pity, and no place to put it. No one wants to read this shit. Say something interesting. Be charming. Show off my wit, intelligence, and ability to be articulate about lots of things.

Everything feels like crap right now, and the cat is sound asleep in my lap. And I ranting onto a computer, with no one as my target. Well, somebody read the first two entries. Don't know who,except for the one who responded to my first burst of self pity by saying "Patience, jackass, patience." (Not literally, of course. That's a personal reference my best friend used to tell me when I was young, and couldn't wait for things to improve. Eventually they improved.)

Now all of that seems so long ago.

Why am I doing this? Who do I think I'm talking to? No one notices, and even fewer will care. I'm no one but an obsure personal reference as a pseudonym.

There. now I've at least puked all over my own space instead of someone else's. No one else has to see this. It will just sit here gathering flies until someone has it deleted.

At least I don't have to apoligize to anyone else about it, except for you, and you're not really here, are you?

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