Having been hit upon.....  

rm_smosmof2 67M
963 posts
8/15/2006 2:51 am

Last Read:
9/2/2009 7:57 pm

Having been hit upon.....

If you were here, you saw it start with your very own eyes two days ago....

We exchanged emails, then phone numbers, and decided to meet last night at a neutral place near where we both live. We got along well enough... I was nervous and wound up and talked a blue streak almost the entire hour we spent together.

We'd heard a song in the mall that I was shocked to hear, because it just isn't that mainstream a song that I'd expect it to be broadcast over a p.a. system.... I got frustrated because I remembered the name of the song, but not the band who performed it....

on the way home, I remembered the name of the band and emailed that information (the song, by the way, is "Flood" by Jars of Clay) as well as an apology for have so monopolizing the conversation. She sent back a very nice reply.

She likes my writing, and enjoyed listening to me but doesn't "know if it would be to our advantage to meet again. There's a comraderie and fellow-writer respect between us but no sexual chemistry." I can't dispute that..... but then I've grown used to not being able to find chemistry......

I can feel pretty good about this... I gave it my best pitch, but chemistry is such a difficult thing to find.... I think it took me over twenty years to find it the first time (that's assuming that I didn't start looking until I was 20 years old... I may have been looking before then, but chemistry is wasted on 12 year olds, and I don't think I got out of puberty until I was 20....)

Twenty years ago, I wouldn't have known what I was looking for, and might have felt rejected.... at age 40, for the first time I discovered a relationship that involved chemistry.... and learned that if you don't know whether it's there or not, it isn't there, because you sure know when it is.....

I've had chemistry twice in my life now, once starting in 1990, the other time in 1999....both of them ran their course in about 6 years.... Certainly I never had that kind of chemistry with the ex-wife, but then, that relationship was based on something entirely different anyway.....

If nothing else, I'm better off for having gone through this.... maybe next time I'll be a little less nervous.... I'm certainly no worse off than I was before, and I'm probably better off than I was before, just because it's comforting to know I can go through something like this without feeling rejected.

And she thinks I'm a good writer.. in her first email, she said my blog is "adorable". Now if I could ever find a way to make that useful, I'd be in business...... but then, that's the story of my life.

All of this leaves me with one mystery I'll never be able to solve....when she left her first post, somebody agreed with her.....what am I supposed to make of that?

curiousinlorain7 59F

8/15/2006 3:18 am

First of all... love jars of clay.. nice to see them pop up unexpectedly... I'm glad that you tried... nothing ventured... nothing gained... and if nothing else you got to see where you've grown... hugs to you

rm_smosmof2 replies on 8/15/2006 3:33 am:
As long as I still feel this way once I've had some sleep and awakened to the new reality, it seems like progress.....

to quote my best friend, again, "patience, jackass, patience....."

phoenix639 49F

8/15/2006 3:19 am

Well i commend you both.

Her for being totally honest & you for being a real man & not whining after her mail to you.

I dont see why you cant remain friends though even if there is no chemistry.

I hope you both find that chemistry you desire.

rm_smosmof2 replies on 8/15/2006 3:39 am:
Agreed. She isn't sure where her life is going now...when she got home there was more data to mix into the soup.....

time will tell..... (what song is that from?)

I think that my reaction was also helped by my experience in Atlanta a week ago, where everyone (including me) had such a great time without me finding any chemistry..... it helped alter my expectations...

curiousinlorain7 59F

8/15/2006 5:08 pm

I've got a secret..and whom better to bestow it on than the gossip monger I was bloggin along and all of a sudden looked and saw the number 999 !! Yikes!!! my old blogometer was about to click over to 1000 posts!!!! This is something that could NOT be taken lightly.... To whom bestow number 1000 to? I thought and thought... and then the answer came to me... whom would appreciate it more..understand the gesture as fully as my friend...smosmof?? No one else would get the subtlety as you so here it is....curious' 1000 comment.. man that girl can yap can't she??

ps i'm going to post then leave the computer for a bit...see if you notice

jadedbabe78 105F

8/15/2006 9:16 pm

Chemistry can be a bitch.

rm_smosmof2 replies on 8/16/2006 9:01 am:
I haven't been able to make up my mind whether I should be sorry that I didn't have my first "chemistry" experience until I was 40 years old, or rejoice in the fact that I've had two of them in the 17 years since I turned 40.....

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
8/17/2006 11:02 am

My dear, let HER do the talking. You should know that there is nothing a woman likes better than the sound of her own voice.

rm_smosmof2 replies on 8/17/2006 11:17 am:
I know... I can only plead to an excessive case of being wound up... never, since I'd started doing this stuff last January on True, had I come so far along.... and I'm so in need of an audience, and so desperate.......

lessons for the next time that will never come....

mmmmmgood2006 65F

8/17/2006 11:12 pm

Hi D, hi everyone. It's the mystery woman here.

On the chemistry thing; I've had chemistry. That's why I know what it is. I didn't have it in my marriage. I knew chemistry existed, but thought I could retain "more control" (because then I wouldn't be as hurt if we broke up) if I married someone whom I didn't have that much chemistry with. What can I say? I was in my 20's, I was an idiot, and I was stuck in an awful marriage where neither of us were happy!

I've now learned to surrender to the chemistry; to just accept it like I accept the sky is blue. It's a Universal Principle. So, for me it's a black and white, never a gray. It is either there, or isn't. And it always catches me off guard. And it is always wonderful and always takes me places I've never been.

Funny, because I raised my sons, who are now all grown, to believe completely in chemistry; and they believed me because I taught them nothing else from the time they were very young. Then, once I saw what they had in their relationships, and how strongly they believed in chemistry as a Universal Principle, and how well their relationships work, my God (!) I wondered why I had not followed my own advice, why I had not walked my talk.

So now I do walk my talk, and it's made a huge difference in my life.

D is a great guy. He's thoughtful and funny and uses words well. He would benefit by learning the power of eye contact. Women love eye contact. I will be his friend for as long as he wants. If I've helped him get more life experience and more posts to his blogs, that is great! Every day is a lesson.

and D,
women are like trains in a station.
If you miss one, another will be along in five minutes. Just keep watching, or posting, till that special one comes along.

I'm going to be taking my profile off.
Someone, very unexpectedly, resurfaced in my life in the last couple days. He once meant a lot to me. We have an enormous amount of chemistry together. It's completely unexplainable because I would normally not be attracted to a man with a, yes ladies, comb-over. He promises to cut it off again like he did before when we dated; but, for some reason, when he's not dating me he lets it grow out.

Hello? I do have complaints about this person, but there is an enormous amount of chemistry that just helps me work through the other stuff. Like the comb-over thing. But, I'm not perfect either.

Night all.

rm_smosmof2 replies on 8/17/2006 11:45 pm:
Thank you for coming bye and for your comments and suggestions.....

I don't think we have any disgreement about any part of things, and I'll try to be more aware of eyes (and anything except my own nerves and anxiety) in the future....

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