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rm_sharksnsails 46M
697 posts

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PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
12/6/2005 5:10 am

"...you never realize that subconsciously your tears are building a wall of distrust and anger at the world. And the tears become a wall."

Tears become a wall. The wall becomes a coffin. You become one of the walking dead, or worse, the Undead that roam the world seeking only gratification, hurting those they come across in the process. I don't want you to become that.

"I don't want to hurt a person here on AdultFriendFinder I love, but I can't really love her, I can't tell her I do, I can't let myself anyway, and if I did drag her into the mess of my life would she really be better off for it? I know not."

Have you ever told her about it all? Have you ever asked her if she was willing to do it? It's not about being "better off", we would all be better off as hermits that way; it's about the willingness to make it work, the courage to risk getting hurt for the reward obtained. Time and again I keep bashing my head against those walls you spoke of, because for me the potential reward is worth the pain, even when I am rejected or end up bloody from the lacerations (which is a good time to give up).

"I need neither love nor sex, nor the affection and praise of friends. All I really want is to feel innocent again, I hope that karma is erased after death, and the hindus are wrong. clean. happy. I think it's the joy I can't bring myself to feel because the trust is gone.maybe because things that bring you joy are thigs that can be used against you..."

Liar. We all need love, except the seriously psycho/sociopathic. You are neither. You are a good man who has been terribly hurt by the one he loved and trusted most, someone who didn't deserve it. I still don't know how you could take her back after what she did, and taking the child as your own only proves you are someone worth knowing and loving. (I envy your AdultFriendFinder friend... lucky woman, that you should love her... *sniffle* )

Trust is a strange thing... the only way to know if someone can be trusted is to trust them, but if you don't trust them, how can you ever know if they are trustworthy? It's the risk we take.

"...anyway. I think the one I left was my other half. I just wasn't good enough for her."

Read curious082385's post Forever Love? for my thoughts on the matter... or not. I'll quote myself here.

"I think there is more than one person out there who can complement us. (Mind you, I said complement, not complete. We are complete in and of ourselves, it's our lives that make us feel otherwise.)

Our complmentary requirements change as we age and grow. I am not quite the same person I was at 20, my needs and wants are different now.

I have met several people in different moments of my life whom I felt were my soul partners. For one reason or another we grew apart or could never be together, but I have always maintained contact with most of them. The fact that none of them has turned out to be The One tells me either I did not fill their requirements at the time, or it was not the right time for us at all, if ever.

As to whether it's destiny or luck, I believe it's both. Fate makes us cross paths, but we're lucky enough to recognize them when we meet. Even luckier if they recognize us back.

Actually... the ground did tilt under my feet once..."

""...to be in someones arms and be 100% secure..."

I have to disagree with this. I always felt 100% secure in my XBF's arms, and he left me out in the cold to die when I needed him most.

100% secure? There is no such thing... and if there is, I doubt I will ever feel it. I will forever be haunted by what happened, forever wonder if I can ever trust that person completely. I can't afford to any more.

Am I disappointed by love? Yes.
Am I bitter? Possibly.
Is it a wonderful feeling? Yes... even when tempered by the grief of knowing it can never come to pass.

I'm so tired of seeking... I should just give up and face the fact that I will always be alone. But if I do that... I will die. And so, I go on, seeking and hoping that maybe, one day, someone will feel the same way about me."


Stay away from the bars, they're deadly for people like us...

I, too, am guilty of clinginess... of wanting to be loved, cherished, adored. But... I also want a relationship that can survive past the sparkle of newness and acquire the beauty of time passed and shared together.

Maybe the most damage done was that you did not meet your friend soon enough... I know my enemy has always been distance, it's a great excuse for not coming to see me, to meet face to face and know. Physical presence is essential to know if a relationship will work. Still, the fear of disappointment is what I believe has kept more than one potential love from truly blossoming... those are The roses in my garden...

Take care out there, darlin', and remember someone out here loves you...

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
12/6/2005 5:13 am

*kicks the AdultFriendFinder system for not allowing edits on comments*

The last paragraph should look like this:

"Maybe the most damage done was that you did not meet your friend soon enough... I know my enemy has always been distance, it's a great excuse for not coming to see me, to meet face to face and know. Physical presence is essential to know if a relationship will work. Still, the fear of disappointment is what I believe has kept more than one potential love from truly blossoming... those are The roses in my garden... "

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


rm_sharksnsails 46M
738 posts
12/6/2005 4:51 pm

(I envy your AdultFriendFinder friend... lucky woman, that you should love her... *sniffle* )
you envy yourself.


rm_TornHeart76 40M

12/6/2005 7:46 pm

sharks......don't even try telling me you have feelings for her. and i know for a fact that she does for you. i know you, like me, have been hurt badly by another but don't let those walls keep you from the woman who loves you. i can speak for no other, can say only that she is very much worth the risk. this i say from experience. when, with one exception, everyone else pushed me away, shunned me, she was always there for me....always accepting. in time, as i trusted her more and more i reveal even my most sensitive and painful secrets.....and she never betrayed me. please sharks....don't let your pain stop you, she loves you, she is worth the risk.


rm_sharksnsails 46M
738 posts
12/6/2005 8:39 pm

the previous comment was supposed to convey that you are the girl I am refering to. not that you are arrogant and envy only yourself, like "oh I am sxo great I envy myself" not like that, like "she is you, dont sniffle, somebody here does care very much about you" I just don't know what I am going to do about it. the sad answer probably is something like, "wait until the time is right" or "I need to remained focused on my goals."
I dont know.
I do know that I went back to the club and the girl thier didnt smile wave or even talk to me. I guess she didnt like the sex after all. oh fuckin well. and if thats how it is maybe I am better keeping my dick in my pants for a while. I need friends more than fucks or girlfriends anyway.
sharks


rm_sharksnsails 46M
738 posts
12/6/2005 10:39 pm

quote tornheart 76
"sharks......don't even try telling me you have feelings for her."

why would you write this like this? probably just wording, funky wording. I won't take it wrong, but the wording is funky here...

well, I am not wanting to perform a recking ball relationship on anybody especially one whom I respect as much as PK, now that the cat is out of the bag, I would say it is hardly a secret that we have feelings for each other. of course, she is a lovely soul, and person, and offers much in a relationship including compassion attention, and loyalty. she is a good friend to so many of us. awww fugit, I cant concentrate. I got the call today. back to work. for xmas, bday and new year. arghhh.
there is too much on my mind for me to complete this post for now. thats why the earlier posts probably seem ragged too.

later
sharks


PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
12/7/2005 4:21 am

"the previous comment was supposed to convey that you are the girl I am refering to."

I... I kinda figured that out...

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


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