When I add to a chapter it will be posted here.  

rm_sharksnsails 46M
697 posts
6/14/2006 2:09 am

Last Read:
6/19/2006 11:42 pm

When I add to a chapter it will be posted here.


Chapter._._._._._._._._.last update

Prologue
Four Moonsets _._._._._._._._6/16
Four Sons _._._._._._._ 6/15
Four life _._._._._._._ 6/20
For Ours _._._._._._._._._ 6/16
Morning: Bhrama_._._._._._._ 6/20
Noon: Vishnu_._._._._._._6/20
Night: Shiva_._._._._._._6/20
Two of Hearts _._._._._._6/17
Two of Spades _._._._._._._6/20
One Love_._._._._._._6/20
Epilogue

Authors notes _._._._._._._6/20

changed Jacks name to Alan becasue jack sounds too much like Jacob _._._._._._._6/20

This is the original text of authors notes...
Sharks"
I asked my friend to critique the little of my book I have written so far, after he discovered then laughed at me writing a sci fi book, using a swinger site as an editing tablet. Several of his commence were extremely valid, and I appreciate pecific and general critique any where it can be had. Some of his others comments delt with the odd structure of the book i.e. that some of the book is written in the comments and some of it as new posts. The reason for this is that 1) it is still a work in progress, in need of much editing indeed, but still I am a story teller more than a writer per se; 2) In it's current form the reader is encouraged to skip around a bit. We had long discussions about the past and future of story narrative including the truly unique and modern way to tell a story, the video game. Let's just say this, treat the book in its current form like a video game where you can just wonder about reading what you will though it moves in a generally chonological mode of what I want the reader to know from earlier posts to later posts. Comments under posts are to be read sometime before the material seven posts later, although if I get this book right, it should not matter where you start or skip to as the picture is made complete by reading the whole work, not by the order. He asked for instance if it was needed to include a detail such as "ahtzi-ahtzi" being a saying of the old alien language. YES! it is, otherwise it wouldn't be there. When one says it, it has almost a taunting tone, even though it is not any real language it is the tone of the sounds the reader is encouraged to play with. Other sonal references are even more obscure such as the name of the Non-Orbitals being numbered 12, but that the sounds when put together (like aht-va for ten) was liked because it sounds like sahtva, as in bohdi sahtva, or enlightened one. Like wise 10 is where aliens meet for a year to settle on their life mates. Finally references to 4 are deliberate (duh) as in four seasons, (12 non-orbitals, 12 months, 12 stages of an aliens life from birth to death, seasons etc etc ya know) I know as an incomplete work it's hard to grab all the subtleties, like the fact that there are four sides to the great repositorie (hint it looks like a pyramid....hmmmm coincidence?) anyway work calls , I am distracted and wont even have time to run this through spell check arrrrrggghhhhh. got to go....

PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
6/14/2006 6:56 am

You just let it all flow out of you. Then let it alone a while and go back and read it after a few days. I find writing is kind of like making bread, it has to rest some time for it to develop properly.

*HUG* You're doing great, Darlin'. Spell check can wait.


The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


rm_sharksnsails 46M
738 posts
6/14/2006 8:05 pm

Thanks babe, I really appreciate that....

*hugs



aaron


rm_sharksnsails 46M
738 posts
6/15/2006 8:35 pm

When the attack came on the agents, and their communication was cut off several intersting sad and some funny things happened. Most agents were smart enough to figure out quickly what was going on. Any sort of printed material, most media, quickly revealed the problem to agents in the city. The sudden loss of ability to communicate greatly amplified the problems there too, and made it easier for people to detect that there was a problem and become freightened. that's why so many of the city agents found themselves under serious scrutiny at hospitals and with various agents of the government before they had time to adapt to the sudden disadvantage. In some countries this sudden disadvantage led to imprisonment, and in at least one case, to death. Many had to flee, and hide to avoide immediate problems.
+++Some of the agents lived well outside the city in agrarian lifestyles that lent themselvs to physical rather than mental forms of communications. One for instance was traveling with migrant crop workers, since he joined them as an English speaker the group understood he did not speak their common language, and the farmers who employed him were likewise used to working with people who did not speak English.
+++Geose was working in the field when the attack came. By noon when lunch was called, he was completely exhasted and dying of thirst. While waiting in line for the cook. This farmer provided beans with meat, and a tall glass of water, free lunch to his workers doled out by a Hindu kid who also helped around the farm. The farmer was standing near Geose and spoke almost mumblingly of a squeeky pump-jack on his land that was see-sawing nearby. It was bringing up precious crude from the ground, of which he got a small but benificial cut. The words the farmer mumbled (which meant something like "I sure like what gas prices are doing for my wallet" in a deep Texas draw) sounded in alien like "What is it that we all need first (most)". The farmer gaze met Geose's as if expecting a reply, so the usually quiet Geose responded, in alien, "Ahl (water)", which the farmer took to mean "oil" and gave a smile and said "yep, ah luv it!" and walked on about his business. Geose naturally assumed the farmer had, as he often did, responded in what little broken spanish the farmer had learned over the years, thinking nothing of the fact that he did not understand the last part. The rest of lunch and the work day was uneventful.


rm_sharksnsails 46M
738 posts
6/15/2006 8:42 pm

When the attack came on the agents, and their communication was cut off several intersting sad and some funny things happened. Most agents were smart enough to figure out quickly what was going on. Any sort of printed material, most media, quickly revealed the problem to agents in the city. The sudden loss of ability to communicate greatly amplified the problems there too, and made it easier for people to detect that there was a problem and become freightened. that's why so many of the city agents found themselves under serious scrutiny at hospitals and with various agents of the government before they had time to adapt to the sudden disadvantage. In some countries this sudden disadvantage led to imprisonment, and in at least one case, to death. Many had to flee, and hide to avoide immediate problems.
+++Some of the agents lived well outside the city in agrarian lifestyles that lent themselvs to physical rather than mental forms of communications. One for instance was traveling with migrant crop workers, since he joined them as an English speaker the group understood he did not speak their common language, and the farmers who employed him were likewise used to working with people who did not speak English.
+++Geose was working in the field when the attack came. By noon when lunch was called, he was completely exhasted and dying of thirst. This farmer provided beans with meat, and a tall glass of water, free lunch to his workers doled out by a Hindu kid who also helped around the farm. While waiting in the lunch line the farmer was stode near Geose and spoke almost mumblingly of a squeeky pump-jack on his land that was see-sawing nearby. It was bringing up precious crude from the ground, of which he got a small but benificial cut. The words the farmer mumbled half to himself meant something like "I sure like what gas prices are doing for my wallet" (and were in a deep Texas draw) sounded in alien almost perfectly like "What is the second need? (after air)". The farmer gaze met Geose's as if expecting a reply, so the usually quiet Geose responded, not realizing he was speaking alien now, "Ahl (water)". The farmer took this to mean "oil" and gave a smile and said "yep, ah luv it!" and walked on about his business. Geose naturally assumed the farmer had, as he often did, responded in what little broken spanish the farmer had learned over the years, thinking nothing of the fact that he did not understand the last part. The rest of lunch and the work day was uneventful.


rm_sharksnsails 46M
738 posts
6/15/2006 11:37 pm

Agent Tawnya was working at her desk in a cubical farm on the twenty third floor when the attack came her radio playing softly in the background as she worked, the phone rang. In a mesmerized state she picked up the phone and held it to her ear. "Tawnya" the voice said. "Confirm Tawnya" she replied in an automatic and monotone voice using. From the earpiece came "Etta, Dey, Va, Aht, Belua Tawnya, Nali, Nali, Nali" the phone went dead and she unconciously hung up the phone. After a moment her mind snapped to. She did not remember picking up the phone hearing voices, or hanging up, all she realized is that for a moment she had "spaced-out" as her co-worker said, ("Tanya, You've been "spacing-out" all day!"), and that she had to get back to work.
+++ But now it was appearant that her computer had crashed or something because the screen was all messed up, she hit a few well remembered keys and the node rebooted as she closed her eyes and rubbed her temple to relieve the stress. "I must be overworked" she thought "Or maybe I am getting Earth sickness", but when she re-opened her eyes her computer was still down, so instinctivly she grabbed the phone and hit the third button to the right... "Hey tech support this is Tanya in auditing, my computer is messed up and won't clear on reboot, I've had a long day, get someone here ASAP!" and slammed down the phone. On the 15th floor a young kid working his third summer for the company hung up the phone and started laughing. "Joe" he called out to his friend I just got the wildest phone call from that hot chick in auditing...... "sounded like she was yelling at me in arabic or polynesian or something". "Play it back, let me here it" Joe said half amused and half concerned, wanting to here the call himself. It was his job to be concerned for not only was this office call center the company's tech support, it was also anti-corperate espionage, and part of corperate and building security, so every call in or out, and every data transaction in or out of the office came through this floor (mostly unknown to company personell). As the recording played back, Joe became quite concerned (this being after the terror attacks came to the homeland) and took control of Steve's terminal himself, clicking on the twenty third floor icon, the the third quadrant area of the schematic that displayed in front of him, her cubical, then phone records, last call, and play. Wholly shit! We got a terrorist Steve, and she has just cussed you in Arabic, which means this is going down now! Call security, I'll call the police!" He said running back to his cubical "Tell them she is armed and dangerous, and might have a bomb!" .....
+++++++ Tawnya was still rubbing her temples with her eyes closed when she heard the comotion that caused her to stick her head above her cubical, by now messages telling people around her to clear out quietly and calmly had been popped up on the screens of all of the workers around her as well trained professional armed gaurds took up key positions for maximum control of the situation, security continued to monitor from above as the terrorist seemed deep in prayer, no doubt preparing for one last mission.
++++ Finally one officer, gun raised made noise sufficiant to get her attention, and used her name no less. "TANYA" Chief Security Officer Brant said in a loud but forcibly calmed voice.... She stood up and turned toward him startled by the situation which she understood was serious, but could not understand why. With his pistol aimed at her, and with (unkown to her) four other men covering her he said slowly and clearly but in a very authoritative voice, "Put your hands above your head!" of which Tawnya understood "Paper fastener, fucker, throw here!". "Why would you cuss at me?" She demanded, both alarmed and now offended, but reached down to comply. Officer Brant heard only something in Arabic. So when Tawnya reached down and grabbed her stapler and stood up to thow it to him, he was already sure of the situation, he did not realize it was a stapler until it landed at his feet, hitting the ground about half a second before Tawnya's perforated corpse.


rm_sharksnsails 46M
738 posts
6/15/2006 11:38 pm

Agent Tawnya was working at her desk in a cubical farm on the twenty third floor when the attack came her radio playing softly in the background as she worked, the phone rang. In a mesmerized state she picked up the phone and held it to her ear. "Tawnya" the voice said. "Confirm Tawnya" she replied in an automatic and monotone voice using. From the earpiece came "Etta, Dey, Va, Aht, Belua Tawnya, Nali, Nali, Nali" the phone went dead and she unconciously hung up the phone. After a moment her mind snapped to. She did not remember picking up the phone hearing voices, or hanging up, all she realized is that for a moment she had "spaced-out" as her co-worker said, ("Tanya, You've been "spacing-out" all day! ", and that she had to get back to work.
+++ But now it was appearant that her computer had crashed or something because the screen was all messed up, she hit a few well remembered keys and the node rebooted as she closed her eyes and rubbed her temple to relieve the stress. "I must be overworked" she thought "Or maybe I am getting Earth sickness", but when she re-opened her eyes her computer was still down, so instinctivly she grabbed the phone and hit the third button to the right... "Hey tech support this is Tanya in auditing, my computer is messed up and won't clear on reboot, I've had a long day, get someone here ASAP!" and slammed down the phone. On the 15th floor a young kid working his third summer for the company hung up the phone and started laughing. "Joe" he called out to his friend I just got the wildest phone call from that hot chick in auditing...... "sounded like she was yelling at me in arabic or polynesian or something". "Play it back, let me here it" Joe said half amused and half concerned, wanting to here the call himself. It was his job to be concerned for not only was this office call center the company's tech support, it was also anti-corperate espionage, and part of corperate and building security, so every call in or out, and every data transaction in or out of the office came through this floor (mostly unknown to company personell). As the recording played back, Joe became quite concerned (this being after the terror attacks came to the homeland) and took control of Steve's terminal himself, clicking on the twenty third floor icon, the the third quadrant area of the schematic that displayed in front of him, her cubical, then phone records, last call, and play. Wholly shit! We got a terrorist Steve, and she has just cussed you in Arabic, which means this is going down now! Call security, I'll call the police!" He said running back to his cubical "Tell them she is armed and dangerous, and might have a bomb!" .....
+++++++ Tawnya was still rubbing her temples with her eyes closed when she heard the comotion that caused her to stick her head above her cubical, by now messages telling people around her to clear out quietly and calmly had been popped up on the screens of all of the workers around her as well trained professional armed gaurds took up key positions for maximum control of the situation, security continued to monitor from above as the terrorist seemed deep in prayer, no doubt preparing for one last mission.
++++ Finally one officer, gun raised made noise sufficiant to get her attention, and used her name no less. "TANYA" Chief Security Officer Brant said in a loud but forcibly calmed voice.... She stood up and turned toward him startled by the situation which she understood was serious, but could not understand why. With his pistol aimed at her, and with (unkown to her) four other men covering her he said slowly and clearly but in a very authoritative voice, "Put your hands above your head!" of which Tawnya understood "Paper fastener, fucker, throw here!". "Why would you cuss at me?" She demanded, both alarmed and now offended, but reached down to comply. Officer Brant heard only something in Arabic. So when Tawnya reached down and grabbed her stapler and stood up to thow it to him, he was already sure of the situation, he did not realize it was a stapler until it landed at his feet, hitting the ground about half a second before Tawnya's perforated corpse.


rm_sharksnsails 46M
738 posts
6/15/2006 11:42 pm

Agent Tawnya was working at her desk in a cubical farm on the twenty third floor when the attack came, her radio playing softly in the background as she worked. The phone rang. In a mesmerized state she picked up the phone and held it to her ear. "Tawnya" the voice said. "Confirm Tawnya" she replied in an automatic and monotone voice. From the phone's earpiece came "Etta, Dey, Va, Aht, Belua Tawnya, Nali, Nali, Nali" the phone went dead and she unconciously hung up the phone. After a moment her mind snapped to. She did not remember picking up the phone hearing voices, or hanging up, all she realized is that for a moment she had "spaced-out" as her co-worker said, ("Tanya, You've been "spacing-out" all day! ", and that she had to get back to work.
+++ But now it was appearant that her computer had crashed or something because the screen was all messed up, she hit a few well remembered keys and the node rebooted as she closed her eyes and rubbed her temples to relieve the stress. "I must be overworked" she thought "Or maybe I am getting Earth sickness", but when she re-opened her eyes her computer was still down, so instinctivly she grabbed the phone and hit the third button to the right... "Hey tech support this is Tanya in auditing, my computer is messed up and won't clear on reboot, I've had a long day, get someone here ASAP!" and slammed down the phone. On the 15th floor a young kid working his third summer for the company hung up the phone and started laughing. "Joe" he called out to his friend I just got the wildest phone call from that hot chick in auditing...... "sounded like she was yelling at me in arabic or polynesian or something". "Play it back, let me here it" Joe said half amused and half concerned, wanting to here the call himself. It was his job to be concerned for not only was this office call center the company's tech support, it was also anti-corperate espionage, and part of corperate and building security, so every call in or out, and every data transaction in or out of the office came through this floor (mostly unknown to company personell). As the recording played back, Joe became quite concerned (this being after the terror attacks came to the homeland) and took control of Steve's terminal himself, clicking on the twenty third floor icon, the the third quadrant area of the schematic that displayed in front of him, her cubical, then phone records, last call, and play. Wholly shit! We got a terrorist Steve, and she has just cussed you in Arabic, which means this is going down now! Call security, I'll call the police!" He said running back to his cubical "Tell them she is armed and dangerous, and might have a bomb!" .....
+++++++ Tawnya was still rubbing her temples with her eyes closed when she heard the comotion that caused her to stick her head above her cubical, by now messages telling people around her to clear out quietly and calmly had been popped up on the screens of all of the workers around her as well trained professional armed gaurds took up key positions for maximum control of the situation, security continued to monitor from above as the terrorist seemed deep in prayer, no doubt preparing for one last mission.
++++ Finally one officer, gun raised made noise sufficiant to get her attention, and used her name no less. "TANYA" Chief Security Officer Brant said in a loud but forcibly calmed voice.... She stood up and turned toward him startled by the situation which she understood was serious, but could not understand why. With his pistol aimed at her, and with (unkown to her) four other men covering her he said slowly and clearly but in a very authoritative voice, "Put your hands above your head!" of which Tawnya understood "Paper fastener, fucker, throw here!". "Why would you cuss at me?" She demanded, both alarmed and now offended, but reached down to comply. Officer Brant heard only something in Arabic. So when Tawnya reached down and grabbed her stapler and stood up to thow it to him, he was already sure of the situation, he did not realize it was a stapler until it landed at his feet, hitting the ground about half a second before Tawnya's perforated corpse.


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