What pain has taught me about love.......  

rm_sharksnsails 46M
697 posts
5/11/2006 8:47 pm

Last Read:
5/31/2006 8:52 pm

What pain has taught me about love.......

One type of love.....
It is golden, it is beyond precious.
Things that shatter it, shatter love. It is not static, intimacy must be nurtured. If shared with others outside the intimate relationship the intimacy is lost, it becomes public domain, public is not intimate. Intimacy is a shared secret, an inside joke at the world, at fate, at our tragic existence that says to the tragedy "I can smile, despite fate and tragic happenstance, I can smile because of this cute little thing that my friend, my lover gave especially to me, and even if fate takes them, so long as I am here, it warms me" and that smile conquers all time and even death. That's why people despise the person their lover went to so much, despise everything about them, because what they took (what was willingly given away to them) was the teddy bear that adults get to have, that internal smile; and it replace it with pain. It's like tearing up a child’s teddy bear in front of them as punishment for something they don't even understand that they did was wrong. You learn it was wrong later, maybe, after the damage is done. Then you try to find something to fill that void. Some people hurt so badly that they seek out to destroy the intimacy that others have, by intentionally targeting married or taken people, or by separating children from parents..... Kids do a similar thing with toys that they see give special joy to peers they are jealous of. (far worse are those who target to destroy intimacy in children by violating them in unspeakable ways, mental and physical; I have a particular wrath for those fuckers...) When you feel intimacy again, it makes you thirst for it in a way that does not hurt like being alone does. To have loved and lost is better, but only after it has occurred enough that you know it will come around again... until that understanding, it is better to have never loved at all. Intimate love is a place to rest our insecurities, those with more, desire and need it more, but are capable of feeling it more deeply when they find it.... it becomes truly core. It is better to love deeply and hurt greatly, for later the hurt is replaced by understanding, and then only the deeper love remains. Scars do eventually disappear.... sort of.
Maybe someday I will find the love that does for my scars what the last one just did for my understanding of intimacy. Until then, intimacy just became a wound, fresh (or slightly scabbed), and I am glad to be back at work. In the oil field nobody cries for thier teddy bear. She was not as ready as I to be exclusive in our intimacy, her intimacy had no conviction, and would not last, now I am free to continue a search for what was found then lost then found then lost again, and I am more hopeful now. That is the gift from the pain, the first cut (wife) is the deepest, true, but after that; successive cuts only help to make one realize the first cut was not mortal. How does the Offspring song go? " The more you suffer, the more it shows you really cared".... or maybe the more it shows your lack of faith that all who thirst for love will be quenched beyond their wildest imagination.


Now, think about intimacy, and type freely and with many strokes. Tell me your deepest feelings about this and in sharing we will gain power over fear.

(Princess Lips)

5/12/2006 8:20 am

intimacy is really the only thing that matters...


PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
5/12/2006 1:19 pm

*takes sharks' hand in hers and smiles sadly* I hope you can find someone closer to you who can give you what you need, darlin'... you deserve to be loved completely.

For what it's worth... he was rooting for you, before I made my choice.

Always your friend,

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
5/12/2006 1:21 pm

P.S. *squeak*

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

rm_sharksnsails 46M
738 posts
5/15/2006 3:47 pm

It's an ok choice too, I want you to be happy, and my instability is to no-one's benefit. It is not only my fault, or the fault of those around me whom I love (who claim or have claimed they love me) but a combination of many factors. It takes a village to raise a child, but where are the villages anymore? I wonder with great curiosity what greater good was served for the pain and insult I have been put through in the name of forcing compliance with ideals I niether respect nor accept. Obediently now I serve, hoping one day to escape, and one day I shall. Until then, what a beautiful and pleasant hope you offered me for our time, and, ... for what it's worth about it all, our time, our hopes, even the let downs, I regret it not, but instead remember those dreams fondly. p.s. I recognise that squeak

Lady D,
Glad you enjoyed it, hope you rested well, there will be some more posts in this vain, as there are still more thoughts I have, from this pain. The lessons of 2006 have been hard learned. They ache to come out. Now in moments of sober clarity they help me see what the pain was about.

RLP I think I have been neglecting some castle cleaning.......

rm_marnisway 85F
5018 posts
5/31/2006 1:17 pm

it takes a village to raise a child....

where are all the villages...

~did they all grow up~



Nothing is ever the same... when it comes to pleasures.

with a hint....the erotic senses will manifest into an abounding mess of flesh

the mind needs fulfillment of the body

if it feels good ...it is good

I've done it again...*S*

rm_sharksnsails 46M
738 posts
5/31/2006 8:51 pm

welcome marni!
The villages became cities ....I think they growed down......

Become a member to create a blog