How you know it's not love....  

rm_sharksnsails 46M
697 posts
10/20/2005 11:19 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

How you know it's not love....

Alright, I admit, from time to time I try to see what my wife is putting on the boards about me and her life, etc. (Yes we are still technically married, though we are very thoroughly separated, read my other posts if you want to know how far separated , lol) And the one thing I noticed way back from the beginning is that she never talks about missing her old friend Aaron. I miss my old friend Toni. We had many great times, and a fair share of bad ones, but the times didn't really register to her as great times with a close friend. I think her mind was always elseware. I miss having an intimate friend like that. She was the kind of friend that you love to talk to, and was just as great to listen to. She had a great sense of humor, and was damn good at trivia. The truth is I could write a million wonderful truths about her, and still do from time to time. But she doesn't write anything positive about me ever (that I've seen). Love IS a relationship that can take many forms, healthy, destructive, mundane. The best love IS between two friends. I read a blog where a girl said she would never risk being friends with her lover again, cuz it hurt to much to lose the friend.
I miss my friend.
I don't miss the fights, or the way she would poke at my insecurities, her incessant disappointment with her life, and me. I don't miss laying next to a beautiful woman, and be rejected sexually night after night.
I miss my kids, I miss my wife, I miss my family. and still I miss my friend.
And it is hard to start over. Here it is, two years later, and I still feel the sting having sacrificed being with a woman I loved for my dreams, and so that I might be available to find someone who loves me.
Hope your with friends.

DesiresMoreOften 60F
168 posts
10/20/2005 1:59 pm

Women as well as men have experienced what you wrote about. I know all too well how it feels to lay next to a man in bed at night and him roll over to sleep. Oh,yes I got my goodnight kiss and the usual I love you,but he didn't. I found out what he couldn't take care of in his own house he was tending to elsewhere.
I took the big step and got the Big D and found it alot easier to sleep in a big ole empty bed than lay next to someone who didn't want me.

curious082385 31F
4925 posts
10/20/2005 2:35 pm

A friend of mine once said that when a relationship ends in pain, you have to find the positive, hold onto that and let the rest fall away. By holding onto the good and the bad, you place yourself an unending roller coaster of emotion....up and down, between relief that a pain causing relationship is over and despair at having lost the good times.
Love requires that risks be taken, leaps of faith if you will. For some relationships, the risks are greater then for others....but all relationships are tested at some point. For the relationship to last and remain strong....both people have be willing to take that leap of faith, both people have to want the friendship badly enough that they are willing to risk themselves because what they stand to gain is far greater then any pain.
The fact is (and here i draw from what i've read in your blogs and others comments) that you were willing to risk everything....and she wasn't.
As deep as the love for her may still be, as much as you miss the good can't hold onto the past at the expense of the future.

Sorry this reply is so a similar situation myself and letting my own feelings carry me away as I write. Just remember, somewhere out there is someone to love you....don't pass her by because thoughts of your wife or the pain of that relationship blind you.

PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
10/20/2005 3:18 pm

I have sort of the oppoosite tendency, to remember only the good things that happened between me and my XBF. I't an effort sometimes, but I try to remember I'm not with him any more (See just WHY in [post 100138])

Even though I have a bad case of the unrequiteds, I'm willing to take the leap of faith with someone else. I just wish there were someone else willing to do it too, someone willing to take a risk with me... not likely, though.

Hugs to all of you,

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

Fox4aKnight1 43F

10/20/2005 6:39 pm

I do not know how you feel I can't possibly. I have never been married. I have been engaged once I miss that friend. I miss the being held and silly ass discusions we would have. I miss the dancing around the room just cause the music was good and we were in a good mood and wanted a break for cleaning. I miss y friend. So that I understand.

*sad smile*
be sweet A

rm_TornHeart76 40M

10/21/2005 2:12 am

Sharks don't make that mistake. I once was in a great relationship with a woman i thought i would be with the rest of my life. but i lost her and our duaghter to be to a drunk driver. it tore me up inside, left me in so much pain that i pushed everyone away. it took me years to recover from her loss and yet do to the fears it gave birth to it almost cost me the love of a great woman.

In short, you need to do as i have. you need to turn and face your fears and insecurities and not let them blind and control you. i speak from experience when i say it won't be easy to do this nor to let go of your wife but you need to. only in so doing can you truely move on.

i appologize for going on so long but i don't want you to lose the love that stands before you.

__Huntress__ 55M/57F

10/21/2005 10:37 am

You always touch
my heart
in ways I hadn't expected ...

and I wasn't expecting
it to hurt so much today ...


rm_sharksnsails 46M
738 posts
10/29/2005 10:23 pm

I think I have the best people respond to my blog, I am going to add a post about it. It was inspired by the responses to this post (and by a few of you who respond frequently)> now to write my post!
I love y'all.
With my deepest thanks

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