Guess you had to be there......  

rm_sharksnsails 45M
697 posts
5/19/2006 10:28 am

Last Read:
5/23/2006 3:12 pm

Guess you had to be there......

"The greatest of these is love."

So it says, but is it true? That in all the world love is the end all be all triumph of existance? What if I told you yes? What would it change? You would still go to work, pay your bills and do everything else just like you do now, right? Yeah, It may seem like those dreams you let fade, or that load you now carry are the reason why you don't LOVE like you used to? but isn't it just a choice you make moment to moment? When I was young I thought like a child and spoke like a child, and loved like a child; laughed like a child and hoped like a child, in putting away childish things what have I lost? Can I get them back? Now I gaze apon a sunrise from the deck of a large offshore rig in the middle of the gulf and wonder, is my purpose in searching for love to find this community of friends that I have imagined and call my tribe, are they my future? What about finding a woman that could be the object of all of the affection that I have pent up inside me, someone to adore, someone to need and be needed, is that the point? Or is it the children? Is my purpose to love my brother? My neighbor? Myself? Still the firey ball rises inexorably skyward as birds chirp thier morningsongs. The wind blows cooly over my fine blonde hair, and still, I gaze east. East. I know my smallness, in this world, my singularity, my corpse seperate from all of my fellow people. And I wonder "what is the point of all this pain (lonliness)?" Then I realize that the pain is just temporary IT TOO SHALL PASS.... I think of the imperminance of the Earth, the Universe, time. I know that what pierces it cleanly, like a needle through the disk of the sun, is the love I feel for all of creation at this moment, despite pain, horror, loneliness.... just the very gift of consciousness, I am awed by the idea that every intellegent being that ever was, or ever will be ... every one - has the ability to connect with me (and I with them) in our appreciation of the infinite gift of awarness, and that the love of life, any life, any intellegence, and all forms of creation apon which it might reflect, are beatifull. Awarness will continue forever, but in those times when nothing else exists, it will only exist as the desire to have an object apon which to percieve with affection, a feeling I can totally relate to, and that is why we exist now. Because consciousness reqires something apon which to reflect besides itself, and because when we have all expired and the universe has collapsed under the weight of a million black holes converged into one, that love will ache to spread forth again and shatter the expansive void of non existance, spewing forth more than a trillion stars, just like it did before so that it might look apon the expanding existance and appreciate the sunrise, just like me. Now as that red ball turns to an orange then a yellow disk I calmly remember a thousand beautiful moments, my childrens births, a moment of solitude while backpacking, jumping my motorcyle in the dunes behind the ranch, my first real kiss, a pleasant day at the beach with my brother when we were both young and drunk, listening to the ramones and skim boarding, a pod of dolphines swimming around my canoe while I paddled one sunrise a decade and a half ago.... I remember all the times when I truly "got it" and connected with them. And they are still clear, yet the pain in between seems to have faded. It is better to have loved and lost, the love will return, it always does.
Just rambling, trying to encapsulate a moment, it really doesn't work with words, guess you just had to be there, then again, maybe you were. I'll bet you were.



(and aloha)

blondietickler 43F
295 posts
5/19/2006 10:44 am

thanks for the invite into your world. feeling real philisophical today are you.

PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
5/19/2006 10:57 am

Such lovely images you paint with your words... *HUG*

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

rm_sharksnsails 45M
738 posts
5/20/2006 6:14 am

blondie, HI! welcome to my wild wierd and wonderful world! Yeah, feeling philosophical right now, I just saw some wierd shit go down last month that blew my mind, the demon wars were a story about 5 people that I knew last month. One died (or was killed) about a month ago, one (the one I had affections for (see cotton shirt)) left home, one (whom fell in love with me, then slept with her drug dealer, but still wanted to date me (shaaaa, as if), one who is even more whacked out on drugs than when I saw him last, and one is in jail now. I am back at work. The sole survivor. Maybe its just "survivor guilt" which 'till now I thought meant the guilt of waisting countless hours getting wrapped up in bullshit TV then feeling bad about it. well, see ya round.

PK; thanks darlin' I missed the sunrise this morning, but seeing your response warmed me instead. It is wonderful having a friend like you.
(yours afectionately)


rm_sharksnsails 45M
738 posts
5/23/2006 3:12 pm

thanks dysqyzed, I like your name because it has two y's in it .... one can never have enough why's.....
Im listening to "moe." , (live 2/28/01) a song called "crab eyes"
interesting song.

well ttfn

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