god help me....  

rm_shadowmatt3 32M
7 posts
7/29/2006 11:01 pm
god help me....

it doesnt matter to me what anyone thinks, or for that matter how im perceived by other people. the main beef in this blog deals with a hallucination of a woman that huants me, shes a ghost from my past that i wish to forget and deal with no more. ive convinced myself she doesnt exist, that all she is , is a representation of my deepest desires and wants, that all she ever was was a dream and any memorys ive had of her are such as well. how can a simple thing like love do this to a person? but i love her no more and she does not exist, therefor there was nothing to love in the first place and i have nothing to fear anymore... or do i?

though the thought of this slowly driving me insane is not one i take lightly, i must always look on the bright side of things always, and know that i am perfectly sane and i am perfectly routed in my position that she is nothing more then a deep resentment of what i fear the most: something i want but cant have, the darkest desires flow through my mind and i dont know where to begin.

i suppose that its all has to do with a past crush of mine and all the atributes i desire the most, :someone succesful, that is THE most beautifull woman in existence, someone that has the vioce of an angel and the eye that can peirce a persons soul and see there innermost thoughts.

the thought of being sucessful is nothing more then a silent wish of victory over many of my issues that i have. i am not saying that im perfect... im far from it and deserve nothing less then the absolute end of my own existence in order to quell these headaches and stop everything.

but i must remember that there is more to life then just a simple woman, a human ideal of falling in love, of sacrificing that wich you hold most dear to acheive a true goal.... i haven no idea whatthis is.
i must stop running from this things that cause me turmoil. i will report my progress on this matter occasionaly.

comment what you will, no matter what i will never give up my goals and dreams.

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