life goes on  

rm_sexypinay16 44F
389 posts
4/15/2006 4:52 am

Last Read:
2/18/2008 8:20 pm

life goes on

For the last two holy days I prefer to stay home and be with my kids. I turned off my celphone.It was one of my personal sacrfices for the lent. I didnt go here online. Im struggling to get out of here, and maybe leave this eventually. Hubby called yesterday to inform me of his coming this July. To work things out , to talk . I dont know his plans. In this last two days, I was searching, soul searching. All I did is I spent my two holy days ...talking to God and listening to him in my prayers. I was asking for discernment. For some kind of enligthenment. In one of my prayers I was asking Him why He gave me this person...I had His answers now. He gave that person for me to believe in life once again. For me to believe that there are still few good men. But I was asking him of his will for me...Deep in my heart He gave me some thought. And this is to spend my whole lifetime in my marriage now and never to seek for a possible divorce or seperation for it will hurt my kids and it may devastate their lives. I must reduced my needs in sizes, that I have to learn to accept his great will no matter how hard and painful it is. And I must love the man I married no matter how difficult he is to live with. That love is not a feeling but it is a choice. This is what He wills for me. That no matter how beautiful and colorful the world outside my cage , I have no right to seek and yearn for that world for it will hurt my kids. That evrything I see in this virtual community is just an illusion , and that I must learn to accept my fate and that is to remain in my cage and learn to accept with great dignity the pain and sorrow I have now. And this secret linkage is just a small window out side a big wide world that is not for me.


Love..Faith ..and Hope..


rm_sexypinay16 44F
311 posts
4/21/2006 2:57 am

Hello Asian...yes I will fly high...with my birds...where we could be truly happy , where love and life is full... I will keep on writing this has been my true happiness. I will try to prepare myself for long ardous battle ahead , so we could be unchained from this cage...please pray for me.

Love you my friend...Mwah!!!!

Love..Faith ..and Hope..


rm_bantayMan 60M
7 posts
4/18/2006 8:50 pm

if it has been that long, that hard...then perhaps it IS time to gather your strength and bring your kids to a happier state of mind...


rm_sexypinay16 44F
311 posts
4/17/2006 7:34 pm

Hot ...thanks for that info...magkabalen tamu pala. Thanks for the encouragement. Someday..somehow..in God's perfect time, he will show me the way. Rightnow I prefer to endure and make the best out of my marriage but if in the end , I am still miserable and he didnt change...its time to let go.

Bantay....thank you for these great words of wisdom. I wish I had all the answers now , so I could reply to your post for me. We have drifted apart bec of many things..being away from him for many years, the distance, his qualities that I cannot bear , those wounds he caused were deeply etched in my soul and they have poison whatever love and respect i have for him. I dont like to be say these things about him, but being here online, have somehow lighten my burdens and pains. I dont know if it is not too late to repair our marriage, but as for me, it was already over a long time ago. I just wnated to go on bec of my kids and if my kids are not enough to sustain my needs and heal my wounds then I have to gather my courage to get out from my cage. Thank you so much....

Love..Faith ..and Hope..


rm_bantayMan 60M
7 posts
4/17/2006 6:13 pm

the "cage" you choose to live in is one of your own making. living with the pain you now have is most likely seen and felt by your kids, no matter how young they are...they can sense these things.

while patience is a virtue, there is your life to lead as well. i hope that when your man comes home, you are both willing to compromise in such a manner that allows both of you to continue growing as individuals...living for the kids alone is not enough. both of you need to ry and remember why it is you got together in the first place...

we all go through this at some point in our lives; not all of us get over the rough and miserable part and come out as better people. the name you use means you do have some pride in yourself - use it to be strong. both of you will have to want to seek a change that is positive for yourselves, your relationship...and your kids..


hotbutcool23
10 posts
4/17/2006 1:36 am

incidentally, I also stay at angeles city often, I live there but stay at quezon city because this is where I go to college to. But I go home to angeles every weekends.

If you ever need someone to talk to, someone to listen to you face to face, don't be afraid to tell me, I'll listen... just a friendly chat, I won't ask for anything more, other than that you listen to me too...

Life is never easy... but that doesn't mean that we have to give up our hopes and dreams for something easier. Call me an idealist if you want, but this is what i believe, every person has a right to have a chance to be happy... pls don't throw that away...


rm_sexypinay16 44F
311 posts
4/16/2006 8:42 pm

hotbutcool...thanks for those deep wise words of wisdom. Hope is what kept me moving and living, I see hope in my kid's eyes, i see hope to all the good people i encounter evryday..Salamat...for dropping by in my blogs.

hello Fox...thanks for reading...share me your thoughts...Mwah!!!

Love..Faith ..and Hope..


hotbutcool23
10 posts
4/15/2006 11:10 pm

I understand the pain... There was a point when I wanted to cease to exist... It was hope that kept me alive. Hope to be happy someday, hope that things will be fine, hope to love someone and be loved in return. This has kept me alive all this time, and up to this very day... I am still here, hoping... Never give up, because when you give up, when you surrender, that's when everything's finally over. The world may be cruel at times, but as long as you keep fighting, as long as you believe and hope, it won't be over, you can still win... win the chance to be truly happy.


hotbutcool23
10 posts
4/15/2006 10:49 am

may i share my opinion...?

i just read your creed to live by, and i really think its something very good to be followed...

you should never lose hope... hope to someday be truly happy and to make someone happy. the kids dont have to be hurt, you can always search for someone who can treat them well. i cant say when, i cant say how... the important thing is never to lose hope, never giveup the chance to be truly happy someday.


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