rm_sexypinay16 44F
389 posts
11/7/2005 3:07 am

Last Read:
6/30/2009 8:29 am


Here I am looking at this silly computer...I just came straight from work,and wondering what brought me here again...im too tired , I had a long day, kids at school are driving me crazy, big work ahead of me, but most of all Im having my sunset syndrome again. Im so blue...im sad..I wanted to cry, and I wanted to go home...but I wonder where's home. But I think the real problem is...Im missing someone and I can't accept its happening to me. I'm scared to the feeling and to the pain this unwanted emotions will bring to me. I wanted to hide...im afraid...I just wanted to live, eat, work and love my kids and all the uncomplicated people around me. ( Im a silly crazy woman again...didnt take my medicine awhile ago thats why Im like this.hehehhe)

I can't afford to be emotionally attached to anyone...no..no..no... Ive been living life like this for years and I have managed. I'l just have to cry till all of these longings will dry up ...till my heart will feel no more. Longing..such a painful realization that makes me weep and realized who Im missing in this life. Why do I long? Why do I feel this? Why him? Why me? I thought I wasnt capable of this emotions..this stupidity..but I love the feeling I must admit, its a sweet feeling yet painful to realize that Im slowly going to the road of heartaches.

Makes me want to cry..no this will not happen to me again...

Love..Faith ..and Hope..

rm_sexypinay16 44F
311 posts
11/10/2005 12:43 am

YUp..Paw its the rush..the gush of feelings and the blush it brought to my cheeks and I feel stupid...but Il hang on...so Il be strong enough to see what the future has instore for me. thanks!!!

Love..Faith ..and Hope..

PawPr1nt 51M
133 posts
11/9/2005 12:38 am

You're feeling the 'rush'

It's the fear and hope combined that put's that flutter in your chest.

Hang on to it and let it's energy make you strong enough to wait for or actively seek what you want.

It's been a long time since I felt like that and I would probably panic too

rm_sexypinay16 44F
311 posts
11/8/2005 1:21 am

Hi Paw...thanks for the comment...Sometimes even good emotions can make you cry if you are not used to it..or when you are scared of them...But dont worry life is getting better...I dont need prozac anymore..hahhaha...just need some courage to let myself enjoy this beautiful feeling.

My thanks River...Im just being a silly woman yesterday...the things is...im falling in love and im dead afraid to admit it..hehehhe...Well dont worry Il be fine...ive been through a lot and those experiences made me a better and strong person... Thanks for your concern...

Hi Jim..you see me like you can see through my soul and you read me like your own handwriting. Longing is not new to me...but falling makes me want to run and hide and go away forever but just like what you guys have told me...I will enjoy it...I will take hold of it..taste it ..feel it and cherished it. thanks jim...for evrything...someday you will see how the orchid will finally bloom...i promise.

Hello Asian..not all tears are borne out of hurts..pain..sorrows..sometimes they are borne out of falling....deeply for someone, makes me afraid and sad ..sad bec Im like Rapunzel in her high tower..caged and doomed to be there forever. I cant inflict pain on anyone...It kills me to think that I might bring pain to someone whom I treasure so much. I hope Im making sense..but you know..Its the most beautiful feeling that I had in years ..but fairytales dont exist...my prince is down there..and still searching for his home...for his self...but not for me...( hey im an hopeless romantic thats why I end up like this..ehhehehe!!!)

Love..Faith ..and Hope..

jim5131 55M
1296 posts
11/7/2005 5:44 pm

Pinay....don't cry because of the longing. Let the longing motivate you. Let it be the drive to take your life into this new path. Let it be the part of you that never really goes out.

This is not a sad occasion. This is your soul knowing that it needs a soulmate. This is not a feeling you want extinguished. You want to keep that longing inside of you...to find that special person, to better yourself and your family, to become that person you want to be in your Walk.

When this longing goes away, you stop dreaming of the better life. You no longer live. You only exist.

Keep that drive inside of you. Turn it into a good thing. Make the sadness dissolve with a lighted path and new surroundings.

You ae going to be just fine. Hug the boys for me...

rm_riversexam 44M

11/7/2005 8:52 am

it's worrying to see that you are sad...cry out loud if you have to...but remember you are not the worse there are people out there that are in situations that you cannot imagine...

PawPr1nt 51M
133 posts
11/7/2005 4:28 am

You have a picture of Diana as your avatar. She is the Huntress and Goddess of the Moon.

Go with your moods. They are you. If you are on SUI's, you do know that your moods may be more 'level', but your natural and healthy response to sad and joyful situations is smothered?

There are ways of creating 'euphoria' or happiness that aren't connected to relationships or drugs and they are all dependant physical-exercise.

I was prescribed Prozac years ago and was scared shitless by it's effect and the literature I read. I began jogging and cycling, to give me a balance to the junk in my mind.

Crying is good. Laughing is just as good. Don't stop doing either


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