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Just an Ordinary Day
Just an Ordinary Day
It was a bright sunny day. But someother thngs preoccupied my mind today. I will be busy and I must be busy. I got home late last night and I ask mama ( my mom) to look after the kids because I treated friends to a pizza and we had a great time. So today I had another plan. I will treat myself today. I will follow my heart and I will pamper myself. And tomorrow will be for my kids alone.
So I went of the house at 9 am , and went to my favorite place. Its a beautiful place. A very wide lawn with beautiful landscape .
.Gardenias, roses, and orchids seems to fill the place with such mystical smell.
Its old buildings looked so grand and old. But the calmness and tranquility of this place seems to ease my tormented spirit.
My refuge and my solace. Its here where I go when life is in limbo. When I need a good cry , its here where I run to. It has been my secret place when I want to run away from the world and its cruelties. The Carmelite Church and Monastery. This place is very dear to me. As I went inside I could almost feel the tranquility of the place. Soft angel like voices of the nuns as they sing seems to uflift my spirit. I front seat and there are only few people inside. I began to talk to Him. Thanking Him for the beautiful 33 years He gave me. Asking him to grant me more wisdom,strenght and grace to go through life. I told Him evrything . I was telling him how lonely I am today. How I want to be loved esp today . After two hours of praying I decided to buy a gift for myself inside the monastery . So I approaced the girl in the counter near the gate where they sell religous items . I asked her the image of St Therese. But she told me its 1700k pesos. Lol..my budget are not enough. I will just return for it next time when I can.
Where will I go next? I asked myself. I will go to the flower shop. Il buy myself some roses. I asked for only a piece of rose. A great treat for myself. I was looking at these flowers loneliness is invading me again.
Someday I will go back for a bouquet of these flowers. When I can. For such a long time when I passed by this place I was looking at these roses. And I was longing to have one.
Somewhere deep in me is hurting, my mnd is formulating some silly thoughts and I dont like it. I must go now before I will look like a wierd woman here.. Im crazy hopeless romantic thats why.
At 11 am I called Yvet my best buddy to meet me in Toll House a ver cozy restaurant in the city . And when I gots there she's looking so amused by the sight of the rose in my native bag. She is also a crazy romantic like me. " Sorry my friend I wasnt able to buy you a rose, " She told me. Its ok. I bought one for myself anyway ,I told her. She is my bestfriend. She knows every fiber of my being. So after an hour we went to see a movie where we cry like silly women. After that we decided to go home.
While Im in the jeepney on my way home. I was lost in thoughts again. Tomorrow should me a special day for me. When will be the day when I will spend this day with someone who will make it memorable for me? Every year its a tradition for me to do this when this day approaches. I treat myself or I treat people who are close to my heart because I wanted them to feel my gratitude for staying with me all these years. But deep within me . I still long..I long to be loved during this day of my life. When will be the day when I will celebrate it with a man who will make my romantic dreams come true. Maybe that day will not come anymre so I must learn to make it happier for me. Tears are in my eyes looking at nowhere. Just like what my great hubby have said before.," I could not reach for your dreams because we dont have the same dreams. "
Painful words that sliced my soul. Yes,maybe he was
right no one can dream for me. No one is accountable for me but myself alone. I have to reach for my own dreams and make my life happy for myself. He was right im a crazy over react romantic who thinks of nthing but emotions and feelings. Maybe all these ideas of love and emotions are crazy thoughts and no man can ever give such an ideal love affair to any woman.To him there are no special ocassions. He handles money wisely . He rather spend it to some other things than give me something or buying a rose for me. He is right we should spend it for the kids and our basic needs. But along with my conformity with him there is a great sadness and I feel so unimportant
Maybe, he is also right when he said that I'm too materialistic. I dont need those things to make me live. My life doesn't depend on these romantic ideas. And suddenly I thought of my kids. They are the most beautiful thing that happened to me. God may not blessed me with a great life but still he had given me a family . God may not blessed me with not so generous or thoughtful partner but at least He has given me two wonderful kids. I may not have the best things in the world but at least He has given me the grace and wisdom to see the beauty of my life no matter how dull and rough it is. I must go home now and be with my kids.
I missed my them so much. Another day has passed and tomorrow will come whether I like it or not. Of all the days in my life I just want it to pass by. If only I only could sleep the whole day or worked the whole day ,but unfortunately it falls on a Sunday.I will cook something special for them. I will watch dvd with them. I will enjoy the whole day for them and forget about the sadness and pain that day will bring. Yes I dont like to tomorrow to come because it is my birthday. Another ordinary day for me.
Love..Faith ..and Hope..
10/20/2005 5:06 am
Thanks. Someday when I will look back I know I did the right thing. Many spaces are still vacant in my description. Wounds and scars are so deep that it is sometimes difficult for me to describe what I am going through . I just sometimes wish that I could gather enough courage to tell anyone what pains me and what is killing my spirit. But thanks Jim...someday I will.|
Love..Faith ..and Hope..
10/17/2005 2:03 pm
Happy Birthday from the other side of the world. I am sorry I am late with this. Happy Birthday, `Pina..|
Every day is a blessing. It makes the weeks blessed events. Then months, then years, then lifetimes. I know you appreciate your family, especially your children. That is the real reason why we live as we do...to give our children a better life than our own.
God will not give you so much of a burden that you cannot carry it. God will make you stronger for your burden.
You have a special life...there are no ordinary lives. There are only special days that follow special days, to be followed by more special days.
You are doing all the right things. Enjoy the life you have with the children. Love your family. Don't fret over the money. Goodness follows you. Give it a chance to work and continue praying.
You will look back at this someday and wonder why you worried.
Take care and stay in touch...