rm_sexypinay16 44F
389 posts
10/7/2005 9:58 pm

Last Read:
12/7/2010 10:15 am


Its a lazy Saturday morning.I pampered myself by waking up late 8 am,instead of my usual routine of 5 am during ordinary days. I was still in my sleepy self when I heard my two kids shouting at the top of their lungs ,their fave song during this time of the day ," Wake up little Susie". They are the same time laughing and bouncing my bed as if ten tornados are turning the bed upside down. This is has been the usual scenario every weekend in our home.
So I got up heading straight to the bath room washing my face when I felt something sticky on my face..a peanut butter smudge on my nose..I can't help to smile, at this great masterpiece of my brats. As I go back to my room, Ive seen another beautiful work done by these little angels. Crayons..papers...books were scattered on the rug..toasts on the pillows..empty glasses of milk on my dresser.
Whew!!! What great day ahead..Afer 15 minutes of fixing the room, they went out to play computer games in their room while I prepare break fast. So I went through the kitchen, to start my day . AS I look at the fridge to look for something to cook,emptiness and sadness invades me.
What's missing? Arent they enough to call them my home? Is this place not a home? They have been my home for almost 9 years now...their laughter ..their voices..their innocence ..their simple thoughts..and love have made me through all the difficult and dark days of my lonely life. Are my few close friends not enough to consider them my home too? Is my busy schedule at work not enough to kill all the emptiness and sadness whenever I got home each night? Is my personal relationship to my Creator not enough to provide me the grace to accept and endure all the loneliness and hardships that Im going through? As made my some hotcakes for them and coffee for me, these realization makes me cry so hard. What is this longing? What is home? Where is home? I dont know.
As I sip my coffee..I was swallowing the pain and hurts that these crazy thoughts bring. I long to go home ..to go home each night where I could rest my tired spirit and tormented heart. I long to go home to a place where I could do all the womanly task with grace, contentment and happiness. I want to wake up each day ..looking at the pair of beautiful eyes that will melt my heart. I wanted to talk to someone about my pains, heartaches and petty complains about peanut butter smudges, spilled chocolate milk on the floor, and evry thing. I want to share my disappointments and failures. I want to belong to someone, where I could shower all the love and longing that I have in my heart. I want to uncover my soul and the deepest part of me to that person. To share..to give..to love..this is what I want.
This is what home means to me. Home is where my heart is.I love my kids,and my friends but I must admit there is still a missing part of me in the place called home.

Love..Faith ..and Hope..

rm_sexypinay16 44F
311 posts
10/15/2005 2:18 am

Hi Jim thanks so much for those wonderful lines. Thank u so much for the advices you give me. Yes God doesnt make mistakes ..He has a way of showing things. You are giving me the push to write more and to see how beautiful my life can be. You are one of the rare people in this site who is geniunely good. thanks.

Love..Faith ..and Hope..

jim5131 55M
1296 posts
10/11/2005 5:42 pm

Pina...you DO have that someone that I'm describing. You just haven't met him yet. Look to the future and keep your chin up. Have faith. Enjoy life. You will find someone that loves you. He will make a home for both of you and your children. You will forget about the pain in the past and move on with a happy life.

These things happen all the time. Don't think that your fate is a bad one. Your fate brought you here. Your fate brought me to your site. Your fate is reading what I write and connecting with it. Your fate is still in your future. Go and find it.

God doesn't make mistakes. He wants you to love all around you.

rm_sexypinay16 44F
311 posts
10/11/2005 3:34 am

Wish I could tell you everything Jim. Thanks for the reply. Your questions make me cry. Sad to say but I didnt have the opportunity to have that SOMEONE you describe. We all have fates and destiny..I guess this is my fate. God Bless you.

Love..Faith ..and Hope..

jim5131 55M
1296 posts
10/10/2005 8:28 pm

Where is your home? Where are you comfortable? Where do you go to sleep the best? Where can you be happy? Where do you feel safe?

You can be comfortable, happy and sleep soundly wherever you are. But this is not enough:

You are looking for someone to make their home your home and include you in their life. You are looking for a complete life and feel incomplete, struggling by yourself. You are not home alone. You are at home with someone. You are looking for someone.

What is this someone like? How does he show his love? Does he talk to you often and tell you that he loves you? Does he love to hold your hand...to hug often, openly and genuinely? Does he do things for you in order to ease your life? Does he spend time with you, including you in his everyday life, or does he need to set aside special days for you? Or does he buy you things to show his love for you?

What do you do to show your love and friendship?

rm_Musical149 67M
12 posts
10/7/2005 11:49 pm

When one becomes the thoughtful person that every one tells you that you should be. One starts to realize that much of the “order” that our culture is imposing on us is not order at all, just fear.
I believe that people probably have enlightened experiences, although I believe that people have illusions as well. You speak more than one language. I could never understand how someone who is multi-lingual could ever have confidence in “The Word”. Knowing how fragile language is , how much time we spend misunderstanding each other. If someone ever has a transcending experience, how could they ever express it in some thing as clumsy as language?
Music maybe, Bach’s Brandenburg Concerto #4. I thing I saw something transcending listening to that once. But words are used to control and manipulate.
I think this is what you might be missing honesty and a true connection with life. Sex is one of those connections, passion, art, music, but mostly freedom of thought and honest sharing of who you are and how you feel. Not your ideas but you feeling. The less that is spoken the better.
Of course I just wrote you all this trying to “say’ what can’t be spoken.

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