|Blogs > rm_sexypinay16 > Moving Forward...|
When I woke up this morning I just wanted to stay in my bed the whole day. And curl up like cotton ball in my soft warm bed. I wanted to stay here and wallow in darkness even just for a day or for weeks. I wanted my curtains to remain like that, pulled down and dark.
Kids are gone now and went to school. But I know in 5 minutes i have to force myself to stand up and take a bath because I have a big seminar to attend today in which I am the speaker.
While inside the shower I was planning on how I will going to start my day and end it and go on to the next day . If only I could make it faster. I need more work. I must work and be busy. I wanted to get tired ..so tired ..that I wont allow myself to think and to feel.
I must look good today. I must be beautiful and confident. I dressed up ,putting on my pair trusted jeans ,lace top with my blazer on it along with those pair of pointed shoes. I dressed well they say. People from work told me that I dont fit well in their world. I dont know what they mean.
I grab a sandwich and went away to get the nearest cab. Traffic is too much but at least it gaves me some time to read my notes about global warming and other ecological disasters. I tell you sometimes trafic is a great help to us.
When I got to the convention , the participants are already there. Teachers from all over our district in the field of Science are there. I went there in the office and saw my principal waved at me and I went to her. " Girl, you look beautiful , break a leg ok but dont break hearts" Oh....my if only she knows I dont have a heart any more.. hehehe im a crazy fool again .
So by lunch time Im done and I have successfully gained the attention of everyone. I' ve been doing this for past few years and It warms my heart to see the glitter of admiration and satisfaction when I talked with this people but today is different...I'm in a hurry.
I still have the next work to get on. The newspaper that Im working on. I have to finish it nextweek. I must gather datas. I must make more news , edit some articles and submit it to the printing press by Monday. So many work to be done. I was in the botanical garden trying to rest when some images invade my mind again...no..no..no..i must not think ..this is my life..and it should remain like this. I went away from that deafening silence of the place for it scares me .
I must go to the supervisors office to talk to her about the upcoming teachers day party. I must be busy. I went inside and she saw me instantly ,I went in and sat beside the couch with her. I was telling her how the seminar went through and telling her that the next project will be the Teacher's Day, when she caught my hand and looked at me straight in the eye. " Hey, take it easy and have some break girl. You are too tired , is there something wrong? Do you have problems? You looked so beautiful yet so sad. You are young, smart and sometimes crazy but be happy ok. Im here to listen..to help you.. Im getting worried when I see you working so hard like that. (if only she knew I just have a good time last friday..LO
". I told her im ok , which is true im great. I feel happy today ,she's overreacting again ...the silly old duck..hehehheh(joke)This old woman has grown closer to me since I taught when I was 20 and in my 12 years of teaching she has given me my wings so I could soar high to reach for my dreams. I admire her great intelligence and charisma. Her being humane and compassion makes me wanna cry so many times. I love her very much. But this time I could not agree with her. Don't she understand how busy I am and she was still asking such stupid questions. From now on I promised myself that I will give no room for sadness or pain to invade my spirit.
I'm not sad . Who is sad? Maybe her. I'm just busy. And it's true ..these past few weeks I'm so busy ..dead busy actually.
When I was on my way home now...I was planning to get home early and not to go here online. But my feet brought me here again. Maybe one of these days I will learn to let go of this habit. But for now I will check emails , read blogs and be thankful and be very happy.
Im too tired ...I have to rest...a lot of work is waiting for me. Im not sad . Im very happy with what I have now. Heart is full... many things to be thankful for, kids, work, achievements,and my friends. Many things occupied my mind today. I still have to work when I get home and cook for the kids. I will finish a book ..lol tonight , so it will put me to sleep or I will take some sleeping pills or drink some wine or clean the house. I dont know but Il figure it out later...
Love..Faith ..and Hope..
10/29/2005 5:33 am
Jim I wont ever break mine ..lol. Am i capable of doing that?|
Yes I blessed with many people who love me. Someday Im going to walking in this beautiful life with grace and happiness and I will thank you for it because you made me realized how beautiful my life can be. Mwah!!!
Love..Faith ..and Hope..
10/25/2005 9:16 pm
Break a leg. Don't break hearts. Including your own...|
You have people that love you everywhere. Your sadness and pain are in your past...the future is so bright that you can't help but walk into it. With grace.