Confused  

rm_sexypinay16 44F
389 posts
11/30/2005 1:45 am

Last Read:
12/18/2007 2:47 am

Confused

After 12 long years fate seems to be playing a bad trick on me, last monday on my way to a seminar , I saw him again. Memories came back to haunt and torment me. We talked , we opened up the past. A lot of regrets. Love is still here. Pain is still great. Fresh. So many things had already changed. We were not young and stupid anymore...so many things have happened. I though I was already over and done with him. Its painful to know how I loved him until now. But something has already gone between us. We can nver bring back the time, the damages , the tears . Trust was gone too. He have grown older than his age. He looked tired and I know he is going through tough times now. He talked of his wife. Nagging , jealous wife who was still jealous and insecure whenever she hears my name. My God after 12 years , why? Isnt ist enough that he had married her? Isnt its enough that I let go of him , so he could marry her? Isnt its enough that I have let them live their life happily? But what pains me now is...he was so sad . He looked hopeless...I cannot imagine the man whom I have loved and cared for after all these years has turned to be like that...
He asked me about my life, my marriage. I told him the truth. I told him how my marriage was. I told him what I have gone through when he left me. He was just there crying for all the pains he caused me. I was crying for him. I wanted to hug him and hold his hand. But I know we couldnt do that. We are married people. I just sat there listening to him. Listening to his stories..to his pains...to the sound of his voice...and I realized how I missed him so much.
But no matter how much love and longing I had for him. I could only kept this in me. I could only let fate and destiny decide for us. I could never hurt my kids . I could never hurt his kids. I could nver hurt a woman like me ..his wife. I may be hurting like hell. I love him so much...but love must just be kept and forgotten so that no lives or hearts will break.
I have bear the loneliness and pain all these years ...and I think i will still bear more by finally saying goodbye to my past...
I am confused...whats is this feeling? Do I still love him? That night we said goodbye just like two old friends...with a lot of love and forgiveness in our hearts...but wahy am I so sad now? Why am I suddenly longing for him?


Love..Faith ..and Hope..


rm_sexypinay16 44F
311 posts
2/10/2006 5:33 pm

Hi BUSH...il keep my head up high...il keep on smiling..this will pass.

Emmanuel thank you for the reply...Someday il find all the answers to my silent questions in my heart. You were right this will pass..i will let go..let live..and let God take care of everything.

Love..Faith ..and Hope..


rm_emmanuel1201 46M
2 posts
2/7/2006 12:55 am

i guess not only women experience such longing. Men too experience this, its not that i want to be sentimental but i also sometimes find a void in my life, asking whether i had the right decision on my lifelong partner. Been married for 10 years and now i often get this feeling that i made the wrong decision. Though weve been happily married, maybe this feeling really hit us hard sometime in our life that we are made to analyze whether we made the right decisions or not. Don't worry it will just pass off. Blogging may help you and hope that comments from members could also help.


bushpresident 42M
5 posts
1/28/2006 12:38 pm

sad...keep smiling


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