Boundaries....  

rm_sexypinay16 44F
389 posts
4/10/2006 8:02 pm

Last Read:
6/30/2009 8:49 am

Boundaries....

Here I am looking and searching for him , again he was not around. Its been weeks since the last time we talked. I was worried what happened to him. What was he doing? Whatver loneliness and pain that I have because of his absence makes me feel like a shit...rotten. I was so lonely without this man. I felt something within me is missing. When I think of him, there is pain. A pain that I dont understand. I have his emails copied, during my saddest moments , I read them again and again. He was so real ...so near...yet so far. I read them evry night before I sleep. When I wanted to feel his presence , I just get these papers, I dwell on them.

For the first time in my whole lifetime. Someone came in my life who sincerely cared for me. Someone suddenly got interested in my life. Some was interested in the fullfilment of my dreams. Someone cried with me in my sorrows
and pain. Someone has dreamt of my happiness. He is million miles away from me but even in his silence I could feel almost feel him and read his mind. His words could almost make me weep . He took away all my fears and made me want to live for a thousandsof years. For the first time I felt respected, esteemed, and cared for. I felt so secure and loved. He has been my rock. He is my faint light in this very dark journey of my life.

Suddenly someone noticed the soul behind this face. It touched my heart to see and feel this kind friendship with a man I barely saw and touched. He had leftmarks in my heart which time will never erase.

And now he was not around. The last time we talked he was so sad. He was in pain. My heart weeped for him. I could almost feel his pain. I wanted to brush away his tears, to carry that weight in his chest. I wanted to tell him that everything will be fine in God's perfect time. I wanted to calm his fears. I dont understand what is this, all I know I was deeply longing for this man. why? I don't know and I don't know his feelings either...pure and sacred friendship maybe. i don't know ....

I suddenly become aware of the great distance between us. We were separated by great oceans and continents. We are so far away from each other, I may not able to meet him in person in my whole life but I will always remember him.
I suddenly become aware of our many differences. Differences that kept me apart from him.

Race,color,birthright,culture and,language these are our differences. I dont look like him. I am still struggling to learn his language with so much confidence. I am not like his people in his land. Here I am in quiet village of a far away land in the Orient bound by great love for one's family and country but also torn by a great silent love for this man who is not like me. Why God have let me fall into this ? Why did He let this happen ? Why do I have to be far away? Why Do I have to be different? Why ? I dont know...I hope in His perfect time he will give me the answers to wash away this great pain...

As if I was not living anyore.I only exist. A part of me was lost when he go.The search was so painful...waiting could be so hurting...but I will even it takes forever.



Love..Faith ..and Hope..


rm_sexypinay16 44F
311 posts
4/21/2006 3:20 am

Yes really really hurts...and letting go is one great pain.

I will always cherish the beautiful friendship i have with him. Rightnow i think I have to think of beautiful things only. As much as I wanted to let go and move on, I cannot force myslef into it but I will try hard to be happy and to be strong.... love is something that i have dreamt of and I know someday In God's perfect time i will find the love that I am looking for.

Thank you my friend....I will always remember you

Thank you for appreciating my talent...my writings...
Someday you will finally see this lady smile again....

Thanks,
Sexy

Love..Faith ..and Hope..


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