|Blogs > rm_sexypinay16 > Moving Forward...|
Yesterday when I logged in I was so depressed and bitter. I remember all the hurts of my past and present and I've realized nothing has changed eversince.
But last night when I attended Gratitude Day of two sons . But when I saw my kids performing and dancing on the stage with so much happiness, I wanted to cry. They are so beautiful. They are happy. I cannot bear to lose them. They are my life. If I will live my life again I will still choose to be their mom..no matter how painful the road that ive walked on. I had a great time.
My heart sings with so much happiness. Ive seen a lot of kids with complete families , the pain of seeing such beautiful sight was still here but I dnt linger on the pain ..I dont dwell on the thought. Now I have accepted the fact that it will be me and my kids alone forever.
I brought them to Mc Donalds afterwards ...I played with them...rolled on the mats with them ...laugh with them...eat with them..I cannot let them see how broken I am. I wanted them to be the healers of my broken soul.
As I put them to sleep last night , I savor each moment...enjoy each minute...by talking to them...cleaning them..telling stories to them. I wanted them to grow up to be good people. Genuinely good who have big hearts and a lot of compassion and decency in their systems. I see to it that I exude these traits so I might able to pass this beautiful virtues to them.
Whatver anger , fear and pain I have toward others I kept it here. I cry silently for them . Im asking God to heal my soul , to heal my brokeness. Im asking God to grant me the great wisdom to be a good parent to them. And Im asking God to grant me the grace to forgive and to accept his great will.
Rightnow Im living for them. They are the sunlight of my life, the air I breathe , my one and only happiness.
I reread my blogs again...and I ve realized the amount of anguished I have through the years brought about by lot of people who have knowingly and unknowingly hurted me. I cannot imagine that I have written in words all the much kept dark painful past I have gone through ....the abuses. The physical scars are now gone but the deep scars in my soul are still fresh.
But last night the price of all the pain and beatings that Ive gone through were on the stage...like angels sent from above to rescue me. Smiling. Dancing. Happy.
Love..Faith ..and Hope..
11/19/2005 1:32 pm
...they are You reborn..they are molded into what You want them to be. They learn what You teach them. They are going to grow into poeple that You raise them to be. The mark of a good parent lies not in the parent as a person, but in the children. They are Your reflections.|
You have an obligation to expand their little minds, to prepare them for this world. Too much and they lose their innocent childhood. Too little and they are not prepared for the myriad of worldly obstacles. A delicate balance that only You can decide upon.
..and they reward you with Pride. Be Proud of them. And of yourself.
Take care, Pinay...