Checkpoint.  

rm_sashalia 30F
47 posts
4/16/2006 9:36 am

Last Read:
5/6/2006 2:48 am

Checkpoint.


19 years of being alive (technically debatable, hence plus minus 9 months, plus a few) What have I learnt in my journey so far?

That life, is one confusing thing. That I have so many choices but only one chance. What I choose to do today will close the doors to so many different futures that I might have. That I will never, ever experience every possible life, every possible feeling and thought. That what I choose to do when I was two, led to who I am today. It is that complex, that permutated. But then, one cannot have everything. It's temptation before you, the fruit that you'll never taste but always wonder if it is sweeter, more bitter, juicier than the one you have in your hand.

I want to be different. Yet, I fear that most of all. To be different invites many different reactions, and possibly many different directions. People are afraid of difference, of change. And so, the different ones, are more often than not the ones who are rejected, outcasts. The strong thrive in such situation, but the weak just falter and wilt.

Who am I? The strong or the weak? Can I survive the backlash if I choose to pave a different path than the highways that are prebuilt for most of us? Will my stony, dirt path evolve into a superhighway that others will dream to follow, or will it simply be overgrown and eventually forgotten and vanish?

I don't know. After 19 years, I still do not. And worse of all, I feel that as the days tick by, I know less. I have the shady memory that I once knew more than I do today, that the mysteries of the universe, and of life were solvable and not impossible. But now, I cannot remember the way to solve these problems, the right mindset to adopt to see things as they really are. It is jadedness. I have become jaded as I grow old, and the shadow of society, and of maturity clouds my eyesight, never clearing and always going to be there.

I want to see with the clarity of youth, and of innocence. But I can no longer go down that path. I will and forever shall be a part of me that once was but never will be again. Sometimes, I feel that I've cheated myself. That I have wasted the gift of imagination and an unimposed mind. That I should have used it to do greater things.

But then, maybe I did. Maybe these "greater things" are once again, the illusion of age and years. And that fun, enjoyment and boundless imagination are indeed, the greater things.

But then, after 19 years. I'm changing. I want it to stop, I want to not grow older. They say, that the old are wise. But how true is that? The old are merely wise in the ways of the imposed nature of our society and way of life. But, how wise are these impositions in the first place?

Happy Easter

GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11238 posts
4/16/2006 11:13 am


Happy Easter

you are different, you are unique, you're you


mr_simply_me 44M
842 posts
4/17/2006 5:39 am

Hmm... u have a long road ahead...

Take care..

There is no right path of success and there is no extact formula if that is what you are looking for. Life is just like universe as you have mentioned... there is lots of mysteries that you may not know. Anyways..

do take care... u are still young....

Don't be dishearten... You are only 19.. There is still chances of correction

If you are coming from is that you are losing the Innocence part, not to worry too much... you will be compensated in other areas.

cheers
MSM


rm_wenchang1966 46M
404 posts
4/17/2006 7:38 pm

19 years old is flower age.


waitingfor_sex 32M
1 post
4/19/2006 12:08 am

Hi, contact me?


rm_lwhiowa 71M
260 posts
4/19/2006 11:41 am

Stay interested in sex and life in general and all stages of your life will keep you young at heart and have their own rewards.


rm_sashalia 30F
19 posts
4/20/2006 9:53 am

haha, thanks all. but posts like these remind me that sometimes i'm a fucking pretentious idiot.


SirMounts 102M

4/24/2006 11:39 pm

The more you know, the more you realize you don't know... very much, at all.
A warm welcome to blogging, sashalia. *smiling* you convey your thoughts and feelings extraordinarily well.


asianguy1978 38M

4/28/2006 3:51 am

Interesting blog. You're at the stage where everyone would have come across at least once in their life time. Keep pondering because that will allow you to know yourself better, and what you want out of life. Dont forget, however, to slow down and smell the roses as you trek your way there.


rm_sashalia 30F
19 posts
5/1/2006 1:19 am

Well, I believe there comes a time when thinking too much is a bad thing. The young are spontaneous! The young are reckless! The young are foolish!

Where has my youth disappered to?


MajorEasy 46M
2693 posts
5/5/2006 11:12 am

    Quoting rm_sashalia:
    haha, thanks all. but posts like these remind me that sometimes i'm a fucking pretentious idiot.
Heh heh sweetie...don't think so much...

Life is there for the living...though I believe everything is fated...so whatever you do, you are suppose to do anyway...choice is an illusion...think of the times you were sure you knew better, yet did something you shouldn't have...

Young does not mean reckless as aged does not mean wise...

The one thing I miss about youth is the lack of knowledge...never the fear of consequences...when I felt like doing something, I just did it...now, there're more what ifs....

Take it from the older but not at all wiser me...two words encompasses the whole philosophy of what we dread....anytime you feel like doing something yet the nagging feeling appears to not do it...use these two words...if therre's something you really want to try but everyone else is telling you no...use these two words...and I find myself using them more and more as I find my choices getting less and less...I just say fuck it...I will do what I think is right for me to do...

To a better 19 years ahead...

By the way...if I have to choose an age I can be stuck at forever...I'll choose to be 19!!!

. . . . . . . MajorEasy's Blog...
There is no use getting, into heavy petting
it only leads to trouble, and seat wetting.....
.


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