Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah.....  

rm_rsp54 58F
892 posts
2/8/2006 7:28 am

Last Read:
3/27/2006 8:07 am

Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah.....

Yesterday, my fifteen year old got his report card. He has been having a bad year, with authority issues, and his failure to play the game required of most students. In that respect, he is most certainly his mother's son.

I have pretty much come to terms with the fact that this child is the textbook classic underachiever. When the report card came, and I saw that he had pulled an F in biology up to a high C, and that a D in another course was improved to a B, I was somewhat pleased. This is all new. My daughter never got a C in school until Organic Chemistry in college. My older son got many many C's but never flunked a course. I was very positive about his progress. But my husband has to be so fucking negative and tell him that his children don't get C's so he better try harder. We all know that with minimal effort, he could ge straight a's. But I know not to go there. He has to learn on his own. He just kept harping incessantly. He started sounding just like the teacher in Peanuts, you know, Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah..........

digdug41 49M

2/8/2006 8:40 am

hey rose as long as you talk to your son and let him know that you are proud of him making steps in the right direction it should make him feel that it is not a wasted effort the wya his father is acting towards him just keep showing him YOU care that he's trying and it should help more than you know

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

Satyr48 67M
1773 posts
2/8/2006 10:04 am

You need to straighten out your husband quick.

My father was one of those impossible to please types. He was always #1 in every school he went, and probably the only person smarter was my mother. She finished high school at 15 and had to wait a year to get into colege. then she did a five year course in three.
So, at our house, if you got a 97, you were grilled as to why you were to stupid to get three measly points. "A's" should have been A+'s, a "B" garnered punishment.
My younger brother was the Brain of our family, so he was safe. He has one of those almost unmeasurable IQ', reads thousands of words a minute and has a total photographic memory. Went through 4 years of College, Pre-Med, and Med school at NYU with a 4.0 or better in EVERY SINGLE COURSE. He also got a "bye" as he followed Dad's footsteps into medicine.
I was the Black Sheep. I always had to work at it. Early on, I decided I hated school, probably because of the pressure. But I decided that, since I HAD to do it, I was going to apply myself so as never to be left back (or be disowned or sold into slavery). It was bad enough to have to do it once - to have to do it over would be torture. My friends always said "You do good because you like school", to which I would laugh.
My brother and I took turns setting our school's absenteeism record. He because he could skip and still get 100's, me because I felt like a rat in a trap there. All I had to do was keep my grades up and hide.

My brother operates a highly successful medical practice.
My sister retired a highly decorated NYC Police Detective.
I rose up corporate ladders in the resturant industry and even owned my own very successful restaurant in Houston.

But till the day he died, my father used to refer to us as "My daughter the Detective, and my son the Doctor, and my other son... what does he do?... waiter?... bartender?... something like that..."

DON'T let him do that to your kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Pleasing women in unbelievable ways for 45 years...
You could be next...

Satyr48 67M
1773 posts
2/8/2006 10:15 am

After I posted (above), I re-read it and, on it's face, it seems like my father's pressure was a good thing - three very accomplished children.
What I left out (blocked out?) was the psychological damage done. My sister could never form a relationship with a man - probably due to the Dad image - and has never married, or even gotten close. My brother is a virtual hermit from the family, and contacts are more hostile than familial. And me? Two marriages, seven years inside a bottle, as many failures as successes...and here I am on AdultFriendFinder, still looking for "something".
Our only family reunions are at funerals, and our relationships dysfunctional at best.
"Brians" aren't everything.
I repeat... DON'T let him do that to your kids!!!!!!!!!

Pleasing women in unbelievable ways for 45 years...
You could be next...

crazygurl2xx 56F

2/8/2006 10:22 am

Good luck overcoming the parental negativity on the side of your spouse. What a frustrating and alienating nightmare that can be for both you and your son.

Stay focused on his progress, you are doing the right thing there and he will figure it out, or he won't. Kids begin to make their own choices far before the law allows them to enter into contracts, and you can't MAKE him do anything. The upside to that is that ultimately, you won't have to be responsible for his failure.

The other side of that coin, and for all of the folks who are lucky enough to have kids who make good choices at least most of the time? You also aren't responsible for their success.

In both instances, the child owns it, you don't.

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
2/8/2006 11:42 am

just keep leting him know that you suport him and it will make a diffrence.

rm_PurryKitty2 48M/49F
9753 posts
2/8/2006 3:32 pm

My son is exactly the same way. Just keep encouraging him.

Purry {=}


rm_rsp54 58F
531 posts
2/9/2006 6:11 am

I'm trying my best....I want to give my son the space he needs. Being 15 is hard enough, without having a parent being totally unreasonable. I think that most things they teach in school are bs anyway. I asked my other son(now doing very well as a physics major at a major university) why he did so mediocre in high school. His reply:"Mom, they never taught me anything I didn't already know, so I wasn't much interested." peace! rose

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