What We Allow  

rm_roofpig2004 42M
42 posts
2/1/2006 9:40 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

What We Allow


I won't name names but I read in someone's profile the question "Can you seduce my mind and my body?". I've been thinking about this a lot of I've come to the conclusion of: I can only try.

Let me explain.

In Nothing Special Charlotte Joko Beck discusses how others cannot actually harm us. Not mentally. When someone says something to us the only way that it can do any harm is if we allow it to harm us.

For example, if you were walking down the street and a car drives by and someone leans out the window and yells, "I think you're fat and stupid" you won't think much of it. But if someone you're close too, a friend or family member says the same thing it hurts. The reason is that in the first instance you simply didn't allow a strangers comment to cause harm. But when it's someone we're close to we're far more likely to allow the exact same comment to penetrate out defenses and cause harm.

So even though we've never used this, we do have the ability to control whether someone can hurt our feelings. We can make that choice.

Now here's where this is connected to the original statement.

I had never though about it before but he same can be true of any response. It's doesn't have to be negative. In the same two examples above, if instead the statement was "You are absolutely beautiful!" it will still fall under the same rules. A stranger is a passing car? We probably won't give the positive compliment much thought either. But someone we care about, someone we want to like us, we will be more likely to accept the compliment from.

And seduction can work in the exact same way. You can allow someone to seduce you, both mentally and physically, but without that permission the seduction can't and won't work. So in answer to the question:

I can try but it all depends on whether or not you'll let me. I can try and be as seductive as I know how (which isn't very but that's another subject) and I can allow someone else to seduce me but I don't have to accept their seductions and they don't have to accept mine.

So as I think about how this applies to my life and how I interact with the world around me it starts to change everything. Remember that we are all free (at least mentally) from harm. There's nothing anyone can say to any of us that will change us in any way unless we allow them to. You are free! Stay well, stay happy.

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