Day after day after day...  

rm_roofpig2004 43M
42 posts
1/13/2006 8:35 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Day after day after day...

The human mind is a funny thing. Because we are so inventive and exploratory creatures our mind always needs to have a certain level of activity. If we don't have that stimulation our mind kicks in on panic mode and creates something to relieve the stress of boredom. It's pure self-defense.

I read about a study someone tried once where they put a group of students in individual rooms. The rooms were intentionally as unstimulating as possible. White walls, white floor & ceiling, white bed, white sink, white toilet. They were given nothing in the way of entertainment. They were told to just do nothing.

For a little while they handled this fine. After a few hours they started breaking down. After a day or two some of them were really, really close to crazy. They developed habits such as biting their nails or pacing or whistling or even constant masturbating. None of this was done because it felt good. It was done because it was better than nothing.

I kind of feel like I'm one of those students right now.

I work a lot. Now I know EVERYONE says that but I don't know of anyone who works as much as I do. I put in anywhere from 80 - 100 hours of work every week. I rarely get a day off.

To make matters worse it has all become a blur of repetition. The same thing day after day after day. The same people day after day after day. And while I have plenty of stimulation it's the fact that it's the same exact simulation every day.

Add to it that I rarely find anyone with anything original or constructive to say. I'm surrounds by people who like to complain and criticize and point their fingers at others.

So I feel like I'm stuck in a little white room. That's a little ironic since right now I'm sitting in the office of job #2 and it is in fact a little white room (maybe 5' x 9', no windows).

I know I need to break out of this cycle but nothing is working. I've been working hard on photography for that exact reason but it's become the same pattern of work with no results.

If I wasn't so loyal I'd disappear...

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