This is me.... *THINKING*...... and..... *CHANGING*  

rm_reisaree 42F
817 posts
10/27/2005 11:42 am

Last Read:
6/16/2006 10:44 am

This is me.... *THINKING*...... and..... *CHANGING*

This is my space, so I will not apologize for what I blog here. This isn't going to be pretty. Hold tight kiddies...Its gonna be a bitchy ride!

Lots of different sections to this site.. You got your magazine... TRied it.. didn't like it.. Your group section and your blog section.. I enjoy both of these sections... I spend alot more time in the Groups then any other section...

I view myself as a caring person... I do not take joy in hurting people that have not hurt me... Some may even say that I have let others wipe their feet on me... I would have to say that I agree...

BUT~~~

That is something that I am changing... It is time for me to change... I have a desire to grow.. to learn... to love myself... And in order to love myself... I *MUST* *NOT* *ALLOW* others to step on me, my beliefs, my thoughts, opinions
or feelings..

First thing I WILL NOT tolerate is letting people attack me with words... I will not allow others to talk down to me... talk shit about me... and I will especially not deal with gossip and rumors..

This assertiveness has already got me banned from a group that I considered a comfy place to play and chat with friends... I had some bad feelings that I thought I had put behind me but I evidently had not put it far enough..

I lost my internet connection for over a week.. And during this week a couple of friends called me and said that 3 people were bad mouthing me and making personal attacks on my character...in a thread I had posted to the message board of one of my groups...

Believe me there is quite a feeling of helplessness when you know that You cannot stand up for your own self...You have to rely on your friends to do it for you...

When I got my internet connection back...I went to the group in question.... the people who did this to me were still members ... THey had not been banned,...even though there are clearly stated rules against such behavior...

So I left the group... And that anger for what was done to me starts building... and the fact that no action was taken with the trash that did this to me makes that anger become a fire I can't put out...

I went back to the group..I see the ones that did this to me and they are laughing and playing and acting as though they're so perfectly innocent... Only I know better..I know what hypocrites they are... and I couldn't hold the anger in...

I posted something that was considered offensive.. and maybe it was... but, sorry people I still don't give a shit... I am still angry because I didn't get to point the hypocrites out.. angry that they still have not "got theirs" yet.. and yes, they are still posting nasty judgemental things in the groups... and that is the absolute biggest slap in the face...

I am banned for something that they have gotten away with more than once or twice...

if you are thinking... GET A LIFE... ITS JUST A WEBSITE.

well I say.. this goes on in the real world all the time...

When this sorta thing happens to me in the real world... I handle it swiftly.. and believe me when I say that someone wouldn't do it to me twice..

Hypocrites...the world is full of them... And cyberspace is full of even more of them..

Oh that venting felt liberating.. I believe now I will be able to leave this alone... Its over... the ones I am writing this about are no longer allowed in my thoughts... I let this go...


Tone_33756 55M

10/27/2005 7:11 pm

Sorry to hear this story - it amazes me how insensitive and uncaring people can be - in any walk of life.

It's healthy to let loose your anger and steam - it's both justified and cathartic.

I'm very glad you joined TASA - our little family down here is Hurricane-ville Florida. I think you'll find the water warm and inviting...

I look forward to seeing your posts. From afar, I've always admired your creativity and sense of humor.

If you ever move from Texas, Florida will be waiting

Hoooook 'em Horns!


gottahavefun85 32M
2 posts
10/27/2005 11:05 pm

I think that is great that you have gotten that mess off of your chest. There should be more people in the world that are willing and able to stand up for what they believe in. When people bad mouth or put down other people, I believe that they do it because they are very insecure about themselves. They need an escape from there own problems that they have put to the side, instead of taking care of them. They feel that if they make fun or poke at somebody else, that no one will notice there problem. The first step to recovery is admitting to yourself that you do have a problem, and they can't do it, or just don't want to do it.


RevJoseyWales 69M/66F
14393 posts
10/28/2005 7:00 am

Ahh, now we see what the anger is all about, La Reis. We have seen this in other groups as well. It's why we like critters more than humans. All I can say is please don't change to please others that do not matter. There are a lot more of us who admire and respect you the way you are; strong, feisty, opinionated. Haven't we said before, we LOVE chicks in chainmail? LMAO We've not witnessed the problems in question, because we don't hang in the same groups, but we've read enough of your posts to know that there isn't a mean bone in you lovely little body. But there's a lot of jealous, mean spirited people on this site, and you're gonna be a target BECAUSE you're popular and opinionated. Hopefully you have let this go. Anger doesn't become you, and they surely aren't worth the aggravation. The group's loss is our gain. We TOTALLY understand the initial anger, it's hard to let those things go by without a responce. You almost HAVE TO fire back. But now it's done, and we're so glad to have our Reis back. As for the rest of them, Fuck 'em. Ain't worth spit, LOL. And you are welcome to come play in the Sandbox (our group) anytime.

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."


rm_BigBill19532 63M
1 post
10/28/2005 11:33 am

240

Hi just wanted say hi i live in Athens too and just join the web site.

dont know what good it will do me .
hope you are doing ok.

Bill


RevJoseyWales 69M/66F
14393 posts
10/28/2005 2:16 pm

Ya know Reis, I checked out some of your previous posting, and I can't figure out why you got banned. All I can say is their loss. Although I will admit that the mod sounds like he's kinda full of himself. Maybe I'm wrong, you know him better than I do for sure, but I don't think we'd get along at all, LOL, and I KNOW he wouldn't fly in my group. The rest of them were probably just jealous, like I said earlier. You're better looking, more vivacious, and evidently some of the crowd couldn't hack the competition. Oh well, you didn't need that group anyway, you have enough going without gracing them with your presence. And for those like minded ones who may read this, come on over to my place, we can have some fun, LMAO. You're gonna miss your Reis.

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."


RevJoseyWales 69M/66F
14393 posts
10/28/2005 2:18 pm

BTW, Reis, your posting was not offensive, trust me on that.

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."


rm_reisaree 42F
611 posts
10/28/2005 3:10 pm

Thanks Tone... I'm really enjoying TASA...

And will keep Florida in mind when I'm ready for a change of scenery

Having the same weather year round is a definite plus!


rm_reisaree 42F
611 posts
10/28/2005 3:13 pm

Yes my friends.. This would be from where the anger came..

But it will stay here in this blog.. I won't carry it with me anymore

And thanks, I just might take a look around the sandbox!


rm_reisaree 42F
611 posts
10/28/2005 3:16 pm

Thank you Bill, yes, I am fine now... can't let the little stuff keep me down..


rm_texasmermaid 46F
738 posts
10/29/2005 11:22 am

Lil sis is just fine......

*Handing her the special sparkley lip gloss and new platform twirling shoes w/ the fuckme straps*

Nope! no more boots for this girl!!

I love ya just the way you are lil sis ((((((hugs)))))


rm_reisaree 42F
611 posts
10/29/2005 12:08 pm

Awww.. **hugs my big sis**... Mer ya know I loves you.. This sparkley gloss is cherry flavored.. YummmY!!! Boots?? *winks* Yeah.. I hear ya! Hey.. Help me with these fuckme straps... I think I'm gonna wear 'em for a bit..

Or hey sis.. ?? ya just wanna run around barefoot with me?? Like the couple of backwoods hicks that we are?? *giggles* oh.. some lady might see us.. so I guess not, huh?...

Mer.. *glad we know so much*.. hehee.. ok I'm not sure what that one meant.. just thought I'd trip you up!!


rm_texasmermaid 46F
738 posts
10/30/2005 1:56 pm

barefoot is sexy! and backwards is fun! *wink*
oh that Lady needs to remove the stick-from her ass....happyf;

yup you look might fine in those shoes....


simlpyfun68 48F
1173 posts
11/4/2005 9:22 pm

reisaree I just stopped in on your blog to say hello since you have become a TASA member and have enjoyed your posts. I also say the heck with all the two faced back stabbers you were originaly affilated with your better than them just let it slide your the better woman. Happy blogging and posting lady hope you make it to the sunshine state soon we'd like to be able to say hello.

Hugz n Smiles
~Sim~


rm_reisaree 42F
611 posts
11/5/2005 7:44 am

aww... thank you simply... that is so sweet ..... I would love to see all of you too... And hopefully someday I will be able to... Am looking forward to getting to know all of you more... and allowing you to get to know me also...


rm_Magrass 41M
6 posts
12/10/2005 5:18 am

You know what, never should you west your time to people who would like to hurt your fillings. let them funk offfffffffffffffff
I was thinking and tolking why do people pop their funy blocked nose to others business, the answer to me is very simple. jerousy and maybe having their proposal rejected in return thinking it's the good way.
I HAVE LIKED YOUR STANCE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ON THIS SITE I WISHED I COULD CHAT TO YOU ONE DAY. I HAVE LOVED EVERYTHING OBOUT YOU AND I HAPPY TO SAY YOU ARE THE KIND OF A PERSON IAM LOOKING FOR. A PERSON OF DIGINITY, A PERSON WHO WOULD BE THE LIFE PARTNER,A PERSON OF AFFECTION, APERSON WHO CAN STAND AND VOICE OUT WHEN NEED ARISES, LOVING PERSON.
ANY WAY MY COMMENTS ARE SUPORTIVE AND INVITING YOU TO MY NETWORK.
NEVER MIND WE HUMAN YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE ME BUT I REARLY HAVE. MY DOOR IS VERY OPEN TO YOU AND MY CONTACT IF YOU DON'T MIND; nelly-neville which is one then yahoo- dot- com. all words in small letters.
take care and hope i will tolk you one day.


rm_Magrass 41M
6 posts
12/10/2005 5:44 am

Hey you're cute and matain take care of your'self life is all about the up and down which can be explained in different way.
i thought of saying hi and have a good day


Babel__Fish 45F

5/6/2006 3:06 am

*NODS*

that is what I have become....a Hypocrite.


rm_texasmermaid 46F
738 posts
5/6/2006 3:19 pm

Babel

You are not a hypocrite

please dont be so hard on yourself, other wise I will have to take the f-me shoes from reisa and strap em on your feet, and with your hurt ankle that wouldnt be fun

((hugs))) all is good


rm_reisaree 42F
611 posts
5/8/2006 11:41 am

Babel... when you first began hearing things being said by others that had happened...I wish you came to me privately so I could tell you things you probaly didn't hear from them.. because as you know there are always 2 sides to a story.. but you didn't and so you never knew my point of view... and I wasn't going to go to you (or anyone else)then to tell my feelings about what happened...nor will I now, because that is in the past and means nothing to me now...

I know that it was said time and again that I was emailing others behind the scene, but that was not true.. If it were.. you would have been one of the first I emailed...because I hated it when you left our Island in such a rage... I wanted so bad to tell you that things you were hearing from others wasn't the whole story... I truly liked you... and I do not consider you a hypocrite... then or now..

I see *you* shining thru all the icky things thats transpired over the months.. your actions in the last few days have proved that you are the beautiful soul I saw you as when we first talked.. As for everything said and done in the past... let it be the past.. I no longer have a need for everyone to know my side of everything.. because I know who I am.. and I know I am not who I was made out to be thru the words of others...

I kept my mouth shut after that thread in Cyber Island that made everyone start the war with Mer and I.. I quietly sat back and read things that I knew were wrote about me, regardless if my name was mentioned or not... never once did I defend myself... WHY?... because I knew no matter what I said it would only feed fuel to the fire... but I was always aware of the words... each and every post made... and for a while if it weren't for Mer and my 1 other *real life* friend here at the site I probaly would've left... I didn't though... and I'm glad that you didn't leave the other day too...

I say it again.. you are not a hypocrite... Hypocrites do not publicly announce that they felt they've made an error in judgement.. you are a beautiful soul...and do not think otherwise...


Babel__Fish 45F

5/9/2006 7:33 am

    Quoting rm_texasmermaid:
    Babel

    You are not a hypocrite

    please dont be so hard on yourself, other wise I will have to take the f-me shoes from reisa and strap em on your feet, and with your hurt ankle that wouldnt be fun

    ((hugs))) all is good
*Pouts*

and in a whiny voice proclaims, "But I wanna were the F-me boots," and then murmurs, "Stupid ankle."

*HUGS*
Babel


Babel__Fish 45F

5/9/2006 8:20 am

Reis,

I also want to put these events in the past and I see that you can understand the value of doing just so. Holding on to hate is not healthy for anyone, I am proud of both you and Mer!

I also would like to confirm that just like you said here that you never did mail me anything over any of it. I have learned somethings over this past week... A LOT about me and a few things about others... Nuff' said.

You know I did not know everything but after my post.. I went back.... way back and did some reading of what was left of posts/threads... it is hard to get a handle on the whole thing and I really do not want to know because like you said... IT IS IN THE PAST. I only saw one side of things and I think that there are a lot of shades of grey and that no one person is sparkling white not even me... got my halo in the wash as we speak, glad that I was able to find it!

I came VERY close to leaving the other day because of my actions and then I realized something that shook me to the core...... wanna know what it is???? I thought of leaving because I thought that it was a.ff and the groups that were making me act/feel this way.. BUT....... it was not, I was somewhat behaving in the same fashion in my 'real' life and that is when I really looked deep inside of ME.

The sad thing is that I do not know when I changed... when I started to judge others, think I was better then so-and-so. I am doing some real changes back to the person that I once was.

The other day my Master/husband gave me a *hug*, we hug all the time and we are an affectionate couple, anyway I felt his *hug* that day and almost broke down in tears because I realized that I had NOT been feeling them for a while.

I spent a lot of time crying last week and trying not to cry because my Master does not like to see me in pain and hurting. I was shocked at what I saw inside of me and I do not want to be that person--I refuse to be in fact! *stomps foot*

and when my profile was off, who came to look for me? I had several off line messages but who came to find me and forgive me? Mer did, even when she was dealing with the loss of her grandmother, she came to comfort ME, that speaks volumes about HER!

I wrote my poem to her because I want others to see the beauty inside of her and to realize that she hurts too, "I cry just like all little girls, only my tears are made of pearls." I also linked in the "What's up with her" post for the same reason. Somewhere along the way I think that so people lost a since of compassion, myself included!

You both are beautiful souls and I see you both *sparkle*

MeGa HUGS to you both and proud that you have stood together through all this!

143
Babel

Ps. Anyone following me around in cyber space and you think what I am saying here is wrong then *ahem* I just gave you something to talk about but I hope that I gave you something to think about as well.. if you do not like it then.... get the it & don't send me any e-mails about it!


rm_texasmermaid 46F
738 posts
5/9/2006 9:58 am

Fellow fish friend, just to let you know I stole the shoes from rees clset and they are in your dusty hut


rm_reisaree 42F
611 posts
5/9/2006 4:49 pm

But I *KNOW* you love me mostest, right sugah?!!


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