I love a "talented" smart-ass  

rm_purrfectpink 41F
104 posts
1/7/2006 9:28 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

I love a "talented" smart-ass


There is some controversy brewing over some statements by a radio personality, named Laura Schlesinger, who dispenses advice to the people who call into her show. She had made some comments on homosexuality vs religion that caused her to be censured. The following letter was posted on the Internet the day after these comments.
Enjoy.... I know I did.

Dear Dr. Laura,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific biblical laws and how to best follow them.....

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor isn't pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery,
as sanctioned in Exodus 21: 7, but in this day and age, what do you think would be a good price for her?
c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she's in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 1:9). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but no Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can I not own a Canadian?
e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some flexibility here?
h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
i) I know that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
j) My uncle violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field on his farm, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole church community together to stone them (Lev. 24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws(Lev. 20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted disciple and adoring fan,
Anita Heiss

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