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Recycling... Lost Love
Recycling... Lost Love
I came across this post of mine from last April and damnit - I wanted to share it again (Just 'cause I think I did a pretty decent job of storytelling) - so here it is - typos and all:
Ok, first off a thank you to sportyfun56 for posting about a 'regret' he had from his youthful days. You should pop over and read it, one of those stories of a high school romance that almost happened. It reminded me a lot of a similar experience I had so I thought I would share it.
Way back when.... in my high school days I was a pretty geeky guy, not that I am some stud now but I weighed in at maybe 130 by the end of my junior year, and had helmit hair, plastic framed glasses, you get the idea.... but like any guy I was drooling over a lot of girls in school. One of these girls was a senior when I was a sophmore, the homecoming queen, and a very very sweet girl. We were in the school's spring musical together and for reasons unknown to me she and I hung out together a lot that spring. Being neither of us had big parts we had a lot of down time to sit in the back of the theater and just talk and joke. Now I am no dummy, my guess is to her I was a nice guy who unlike the other guys her age wasn't trying to get in her pants. The end result of this particular part of the story is I just plain had a HUGE crush on her, I am sure she knew it, but no, nothing ever came of it, and thats not the 'regret' I am writing about, it just helps set up the next part of the story.
Flash forward to my senior year, glasses are gone, I am not looking quite so geeky, and I tend to hang out with all types of people since I was involved in everything from a varsity sport to band, to drama & musicals. As it happens the girl that I was so hung up on for that brief period as a sophmore had a younger sister, Sara, who was in my grade. She and I had never really talked a lot coming from different middle schools but I think at some point during my senior year we became pretty decent friends (now this might have happend as juniors, I can't recall for sure). I would often ask her how her sister was and she would pass 'hi's' between the two of us.
Sara was another sweetheart, one of those girls that has the looks and the personality, and yup, she also was homecoming queen for our senior year. I wasn't dating anyone, frankly I was totally intimidated at dating girls, the only dances I had been to the previous years were all ones in which I had been asked to. Sara on the other hand had dated the star football player when she was a junior and he a senior, now he was off to college and they were no longer dating. One of my good friends started going out with her much to my frustration. Why frustration? Because while he was a fun guy to hang out with as a guy, I thought he was a jerk when it came to women.
So my friend and Sara dated for most of that fall, while secretly I pined away for her, yet I wasn't a total loser, there happened to be a new girl in town who had taken a shine to me, and as fall semester changed to spring semester the romance between her and I started up. She was a sophmore and I was in LUUUUVVVVVV. 100% total, I am sure I am going to marry this woman LUUUVVVVVV.
Sara and I stayed friends, I must admit I still lusted after her but who thinks they have a shot with the homecoming queen anyways? And afterall byt then I was totally sucked into this other relationship.
Fast forward again to the last weeks of school. My girlfriend and I have now been dating forever (well at 17 years old 3 1/2 months sure felt that way), and the end of my high school life is close. If I remember right Sara went to prom with the now college freshman football player (yeah she finally dumped my friend - a bit too late for me though since I was now in LUUVVV), I of course went with my girlfriend.
As many of you have probably experienced, our last week or so of school involved more parties than school work, and I missed most of them but the one I did make it to is the whole begining of this story (oops - its getting awful long for this to be the beginning).
Since my girlfriend was a sophmore she wasn't going to any parties, it was pretty much all seniors. One of the guy's dad bought a keg for his son and was hosting this party, I can't even remember 90% of it, not that I was drunk, it just wasn't a memorable party. But at some point Sara and I ended up off in a quiet corner somewhere talking about life, school, and our plans.
We talked about my girlfriend, and how she was still going to be in high school while I was off at college (at this point things had already gotten a bit bumpy between my g/f and I ). We talked about her plans for nursing school, I am sure i told her I was jelous of her dating my friend and am also sure I told her I always had a crush on her (ok, so I did have a beer or two). I think she was surprised, she asked me why I never asked her out. Simple answer, I had never asked ANYONE out in my life until my current girlfriend (and I don't think I ever formerly asked her out). Now I was thinking to myself "what if?" at this point and wishing I had just asked her out (no - still never woulda happend).
At some point she said she needed to go home, and somehow I volunteered to drive her. He house was just a few miles away and we talked a little but not a lot. In the driveway we must have talked a little but I can't say for sure. All I know is we ended up kissing, and I was in heaven.
Yup, me the geeky kid was kissing my homecoming queen. Did more happen? I think I might have run my hand over her top, but I can't even remember. This wasn't about sex, this was about being with someone that you have had a longing for, this was high school, where kissing was a big thing. Yeah I know some of my classmates were screwing like rabbits and I certainly wasn't mr innocent (was still a virgin though), but I mean..... this was Sara! Ok... you get my point.
I think we made out for 20 or 30 minutes but who knows, of course she was available but I still had my g/f..... So I don't even remember what she said as she got out, but we pretty much understood that nothing more was going to happen.
After that there was graduation, senior trip (she didn't go, I did), and I came back to a g/f who informed me she wanted to 'date around' - nice way to start the summer of your senior year. Of course what did come to mind was Sara, and I did call her and ask her to meet me one afternoon.
Sara agreed and we met at a local place and talked, caught up, it had been at least a month since school was out and probably almost two since our kiss. I told her how my g/f had announced she wanted to date others and so if Sara wanted to I would love to go out.
and here is comes..... She told me that she and her NEW boyfriend Steve had decided to be 'exclusive' and I truely think she felt bad. I felt really shitty to say the least - lol.
We stayed in touch off and on for a couple of years, she got her degree and actually married Steve. Thats about the time we fell out of touch, before or after our 5 year reunion I don't recall, and I skipped our 10 year reunion. Having stayed in touch with absolutly no one from high school I had little idea what was up in her life.
My 20th class reunion comes up a few summers ago. I am married, haven't gained 100 lbs, still have my hair, and pretty happy with my life in general so unlike my previous reunion I am ready to go.
It was busy weekend, 2 nights with the first being a relaxed 'mixer' at a local bar. I went alone as most of my classmates did so we could all talk without having to go through all the introductions and explain every story to our respective spouses or dates.
I was talking to some of my long lost classmates when I turn around and there stood Sara, wow, she looked great. I mean everyone gets a few lines after 20 years but wow... he smile was the same and the eyes, man..... (can you relate? I bet you can).
Sara and I stood there in the throng, catching up as best we could as others said hi and we each kepted getitng side-tracked. She was still married (but to someone else), had recently had a baby (for the women out there, she is the kind of woman you hate because she looks 'normal' just a few weeks after having her baby). Suddenly it was an hour later and I looked around and Sara was gone. I stayed as late as I could, pretty much helping close down the bar thiking she might come back but she didn't.
The next night was the formal occasion, and my wife was with me of course. Sara's husband was not with her, as it turned out she now lives in the northwest and he had stayed home with her other kids and his medical practice (nurse married a doctor, go figgure).
Because the situation was a bit different that night Sara and I really didn't get to talk much, she met my wife and they said hello and all that but my wife's reaction would not have been very good had I spent too much time talking with Sara (and who could blame her?). So this second night wasn't nearly as nice as the first.
So here I sit, more than a year after that reunion. Sara and I have exchanged e-mails, as a matter of fact she wrote me soon after the reunion.... and I will share two snippets of one of those emails.....
Sara writes, "you mentioned in another email that it was nice to know you had been on my mind so i feel i should tell you that a major regret of mine from high school .....besides dating ((my hs friend's name)) ....uuuuugh what was i thinking.....was that i never went after you. i guess it is true that sometimes you cant see the forest for the trees."
another snippet.... "oh yea, there was one other thing that I would have told you on Friday...do you remember when you took me home after ((fellow senior's name> graduation party when we kissed? Well, and I'm sure ((my wife's name)) would say the same, you knocked my socks off!!"
and one more from a few emails later....
"I was hoping to see you at the 10 year reunion but you werent there. You just kept crossing my mind after that. I guess there were lots of reasons that I didnt. I felt like a loser after going through the last few years and I figured you were married by then (you know what they say...the good ones are always taken). I wasnt sure if you would even remember me let alone want a phone call out of the blue!"
Well Sara, you'll never read this but for those that do you can see I do indeed still think of her and the 'woulda coulda shoulda's" of my life. And let it be a lesson to those of you out there who don't think someone will remember you, or want to hear from you. Take a chance, what is the worst that can happen?
Will anything ever happen between us, I doubt it. We were supposed to visit this past summer when she was in town and she ended up being busy (or perhaps she wasn't comfortable? who knows). But no matter what happens down the road, I take some comfort knowing she too has some regrets about that time in our lives I also am greatful that she is back in my life, even if it is in a very small way. The 25 year reunion is not long away and I plan on cornering her for a longer talk this time around assuming we both go.
12/5/2005 10:53 pm
There!! Now that is two insightful posts in a row - even if I did have to pull one out of my archives. Now back to the sillyness!!|
12/6/2005 2:32 pm
First I really miss Sporty... and its nice to see that you are still writing on here.
As for Sara, hmmmm, I wonder where you are both headed?
Life is full of so many twists and turns; you were not wlaking on the same path in H/S, nor at the reunion, but she keeps pulling at you.
I personally do not like this "kind," of woman. I have a couple lady friends who use this "technigue" to manipulate me in and out of their life as it suits them... A real friend who is willing to give of themselves fro your happiness and I have not seen Sara do this once for you.
OK you did not ask for any opinions, I am just a budinsky here throwing out my 2 cents and it is probably worth just that (2 cents). I hope the relatonship that you both have had without the other becomes a mutually real relationship.
Oh PS: I was the same guy as you... a nerd, a tech, in band, in the musicals, and my church group... I was such a "good" boy! Making up for lost time now... LOL
12/7/2005 3:22 pm
This story aroused many emotions in me. There were parts here and there that I could relate to quite well. And on different levels. Thanks for jarring up some old memories nick! Great post.|
12/8/2005 5:19 am
Thanks again guys |
Keith - I am proud to have affected you that way