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Doing Summer Justice
Doing Summer Justice
Her name was Miho and she was from Toronto. That is all I know about my angel. My crazy angel, because she kissed me the instant she saw me. "I'm straight, but you're gorgeous! You're so fucking gorgeous." - she exclaimed, before coming at me with her cat's tongue. Right there and unafraid on the dance floor.
I was thankful, because I had never kissed a girl before. It was sweet and good. It was different from kissing a man. It stretched on for hours. I found it very strange to be touching someone so much smaller than myself. "This must be what it feels like to be a man," I thought. I traced my index finger along Miho's clavicle. I stroked her hair back from her face. She was tiny and porcelain.
From the corner of my eye, I could see the Brazilian boy smile, a big sentimental teary smile. He whispered into my ear,"Go with her! She will make you happy. You don't need a man, you need a woman!" And he pushed us together. "Go with her!" Miho put her arm around him, and then he put his arms around us. And for a brief moment it was like this - me, and crazy Miho, and the smitten Brazilian.
(Earlier in the night, the Brazilian said: "I'm trying to imagine you with a different nose." What? "I'm trying to imagine you ugly and I can't, babes." I smiled and put some distance between us.)
While Miho and I were kissing, I could feel the men looking. I could see them hovering. They came, and they touched us, and they tried to part us. A pair of Japanese. A cocky young blonde. A couple of times the men split us up. Strange, because the kissing was what had drawn their attention to begin with. But each and every time, we found one another.
"Do you want to go somewhere else?" she asked. I knew right then and there that I should go. I could see the Brazilian grinding into a different girl. He would not mind me going with Miho. Not that it mattered or that I was responsible for his feelings.
But something was holding me back - either shyness, or cramps, or the realization that I had my first graduate school exam the very next morning and wasn't prepared for it. I couldn't explain to myself what it was. Then again, neither could I explain what I was doing, sweaty and scantily clad, in a Roppongi club the night before an accounting exam.
I kissed Miho again instead. Miho's chest was even smaller than my own. She could have been fifteen, but she must have been in her late twenties, judging from her boldness. Maybe she was mad. It didn't matter and I didn't know.
Suddenly, a man appeared on my left. He asked Miho a question, and she gamely let him put his arm around her. He grabbed my side and began nuzzling my neck. He had wiry hair and protruding eyes.
Miho left, disappearing into the club on her silver heels.
I was stuck with the thin and large-eyed man. We were kissing. He was kissing me out of excitement and I was kissing him out of obligation. I disliked him very much, and yet I kissed him. I wondered where Miho was.
The Brazilian appeared by my side, his face twisted in rage. He tried to pull me back from the thin man, but the thin man spun me away. They spoke together for a second. The Brazilian asked me,"Is it all right?" and I gave him a thumbs up, although it was not all right.
(The Brazilian boy waited in the kitchen for me late at night like a puppy waiting to be played with. My room connected to stairs that connect directly to the kitchen. I used to come in through the kitchen and talk to him, but after awhile I stopped. Now I climb up to my room via the fire escape. But it seems that he has figured that out as well. Now he likes to come up to my room via the fire escape and knock and knock on my window. "Babes?" he says. "Babes, are you awake?" Sometimes I answer and sometimes I don't answer.)
I was dancing with the thin man so I wouldn't have to deal with the Brazilian, but I wasn't interested in the thin man either; he seemed a bit of a predator. I missed my crazy angel. I left the dance floor in search of her.
Miho was not in the bar area. She was not on the stairs. She wasn't in the bathroom, or in the pool hall, or asleep on the couches (which would have been nice). Regretful, I decided it was time to go to an internet cafe and get some rest. Maybe I would even study some accounting.
Then I remembered the Brazilian. I could not just leave him alone. I went back to the dance floor.
"Let's go, I can't find her, let's get out of here," I said. The thin man was watching us. I walked quickly towards the lounge area, the Brazilian following. He seemed a little bit tired and peaky. Then I noticed a glistening in his eyes - "Are you all right?" I asked.
We sat down on the couches. (The thin man came and sat on the couches across from us.)
The Brazilian said,"I felt like I was giving you to her. That's how much I loved you, I wanted you to be happy, I wanted you to go with her. I felt so generous, giving you to her." Inwardly, I thought, this boy is completely mad. He is exactly how I was just one month ago.
The boy's eyes shone. "Babes, I just want to do this one thing. It's not dirty. I just want to do this thing." He kissed me twice on the cheek. "I could fall in love with you. I'm not in love with you but I could be in love with you. I like you just the way you are. I've never felt like that about anyone before. I know it is impossible. I just want you to be happy."
I burst into tears. I was tired and drunk, and I missed my ex boyfriend. Besides, I liked the melodrama. "I'm not over him," I said, very definitely. The Brazilian said,"Leave me, babes. Just leave me! Why are you friends with me if you don't like me?"
And then the thin man gestured towards his couch. "Want to come over here?" he asked. The audacity.
"No," I said. "Why don't you come here?"
And the thin man came before me and kneeled in front of me and took both my hands. The Brazilian seized my left hand in a protective sort of fashion. I was crying and he was crying still. The Brazilian said,"Leave me. Go with him." The thin man looked at me hopefully. The Brazilian leaned over to the thin man. "I hope you have a big c---. I hope you make her happy tonight. I want you to make her happy. That's how much I love her, but I can't make her happy."
The thin man had pale green eyes and a hooked nose and reminded me of some debauched Roman emperor. Tiberius. Maybe Nero. I didn't understand where he got his sauciness from. Anyone else would have seen a crying girl and a crying boy and thought better of it.
I turned to the Brazilian. "Will you really be all right?"
"Sure, I'll be all right. I'll find some girl."
"Well, I guess I'll be going," I said. And with that I stood up and took the thin man's hand.
My question is, who was the crazy one?
8/13/2006 8:56 am
aren`t we all crazy, living in a crazy world???|
8/25/2006 11:43 am
I think you are rather crazy on that particular night. Miho is just a random girl, I think she is most probably a bi. But I think it is cool to try something new everyday.|