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My Sexual Hang-Ups
My Sexual Hang-Ups
Today, I actually have a good title for my post. . Usually, it's along the lines of "Update" and so on.
After my posts of a few days ago, I realized afterwards there were still some things I would have liked to discuss - namely my sexual hang-ups. I'll talk about them now. My dilemma/hang-up is this.
I intend to sign up for gold membership of AdultFriendFinder to see if I can find a sexual partner to sleep with over the next few months or, for that matter, sexual partners. My plan is to go to Beijing in September for year. So, I want to have some sex before I go over. Presumably, AdultFriendFinder is banned by the Chinese government when I'm over there so I won't be able to stand any chance of success using that route when I'm there.
Of course, I can't rule out the possibility of going to a prostitute either. But, prostitutes are damn expensive and they are paid by the hour. Time is precious for them and, well, for me, during sex I like to take my time.
So, my immediate plan is to take the AdultFriendFinder route with the outside possibility of going to a prostitute - particularly so if I have no success in AdultFriendFinder.
Gorgeous Jin QiaoQiao
Speaking of AdultFriendFinder, about 2 months ago, I got this cupid e-mail (I get it once a week with my free AdultFriendFinder account) which included this photo (small) and brief discription of a woman. In the photo, there were a number of shapely women (goddesses in my language) in very erotic pose, chests out and that sort of thing. And in the description, it read something like "I'm looking for a guy to look after, to take care of" "I'm looking for someone to take me out for a f....".... Tantalizing, eh. I suppose I do give a one sided report of what she actually wrote but no matter. I was intrigued. But, I had no money in my credit card to buy any credit at that time to reply to her. That's my excuse anyway.
Anyway, after seeing that pic of that gorgeous woman and the erotic description of her intentions, I intended to sign up for gold or silver membership of AdultFriendFinder.
Anyway, I have still no written about my dilemma. I'm coming to that.
My hang-up is this. I know that I tend to write a lot of self-critical stuff in these sexually explicit and otherwise blogs. Sometimes, to be self-critical is like wading through the mud. I tcan be hard going.
Anyway, let's get a move on.
If I get a woman/girl on AdultFriendFinder, I go to her house, or my flat, or someplace for a fuck, or, indeed, if it were a prostitute, in her place or mine (presumably a call-out to my place would be infinitely more expensive), and, anyway, we have sex. I'm rightly royally fucked. And, afterwards, during the post-coital chill and relaxation and happy hormone-racing time, well, I can imagine myself being quite pathetic, really. Especially, if it were a prostitute.
Let me explain. I did some research on wikipedia on prostitute. According to wikipedia, taking together two independent pieces of research on the matter, the average prostitute sees about 600 to 700 men during her career as a prostitute, and I say career without inverted commas here because, really, it is a career for them because they can self-support on the income from prostitute which is the basic premise of a career.
That's 600 to 700 men. That's a lot. So, anyway, the prostitute is fucking me. I'm fucked. She may or may not be too. And, I'm lying in bed afterwards and the prostitute, I bet, she's getting dressed and ready to move on to her next client. It's strictly business after all. And, there I am [putting on my self-contempt hat again], lying there in bed, and I'm saying to her, "Stay, darling" as if I were her saviour of something. She's reply with, perhaps, some compliments, and perhaps not. One way or another, she wants to get rid of me and get out the door as quickly as possible to visit her next client. I just want her to stay so that we can cuddle each other.
Gorgeous Jin QiaoQiaoPerhaps, this holds less through for a sexy encounter with someone I find on AdultFriendFinder (I'll have to find out this one for myself). Chances are, she'll probably stay 'till morning, so I'll get to hug and hold her in my arms and vice versa and perhaps, have a sexy shower in the morning, where I get permission to scrub her down.
But, still, I WILL be pathetic in that situation too. The next morning (presuming it is my place) I will say things like "Don't go, darling. Please stay. I like you" et cetera et cetera. And, what I will be implying with this (but won't say out loud) is "I'm God's gift to women, darling. You've hit the jackpot!" My mum used to take me to task for thinking I was God's gift to women do I suppose this is a line that all mums pull on all sons.
It's irritating. But, I have been told by someone who I have regarded as a role-model for many years, that I was awkward and I have been coming to terms with the label ever since, to the point, of actively acting it out and all.
I guess what I'm saying in this post is: I'm just got to come to terms with the fact that I will have to do a lot of "fucking around" Hopefully, at minimal cost to myself.
You know what, I have been writing a lot of rubbish in this blog for the past 4 to 5 months and, still, I haven't got around to losing my virginity. I could lose it tomorrow (or even tonight) if I were so inclined. Instead, in this blog, I have explored the reasons why I have not. I'm now 32 years old. Which, of course, is an interesting thing to do and even liberating. It is liberating and absolutely healthy. It's healthy to know thyself.
I think a big ego is also a reason why I haven't lost it. After all, my mum said *I thought* I was God's gift to women.
What is fascinating (for me) about this blog (with sexual content) is that I am uncovering all these prejudices and hang-ups I have about sex which is good to get out in the open.
Anyway, I think I have written enough for today. In my next post, I will write about my grandmother being a member of Opus Dei. There's a new film out in the next few weeks called "The DaVinci Code" and it raises a discussion on the organisation called Opus Dei. I read an article on them yesterday. Some points of view hold that there are quite a frightening organization. And they are!!. Some members wear chilices with a view of causing themselves (mild) bodily pain. Members confirm that they do this. Truely frightening. Pope John Paul, in 1982, fasttracked the founder of Opus Dei to Sainthood, putting him ahead in the priority list to the Liberal Pope, John XXIII. Talk about official sanction from the top. To make matters worse, we now have the rottweiler Pope, Pope Benedict XVI (yet another European Pope) with the same or even worse socially conservative views to the previous Pope. Why wasn't a Latin American Pope chosen? Most of the world's Catholics are in South America.. The Catholic church has its head stuck in the sand. They offer no sound and practical advice, for example, to stop the spread of AIDS in Southern Africa (i.e. by using condoms). Instead,they preach the unrealistic, unpragmatic policy of abstenance.
That's all for today.