|Blogs > rm_nutsahoy > Inside the darkness|
Who would have thought that something so often associated with peace could hurt so much. I practically begged for some sign of emotion; quarelling, shouting even tears, I ached for some acknowledgement that I matterd, that she cared but, there was just silence.
She shuts down and blocks me out, pretends that nothing's wrong. What am I supposed to do? I have tried till it hurts. The situation could have been resolved by pushing through the stubbornness, the negative feelings of a disagreement, now, there's a permanent stain in my (our?) heart which doesn't have a chance of going away as long as the situation comes up again. Why does it have to be like that? Why can't we simply take the time to talk?
Silence, it hurts so much more than words. It says: "I don't care..."
9/28/2005 6:54 pm
I saw that you visited my blog...and left a comment. I wanted to say thank you...and return the favor.|
Your post here..."Silence" I'm going to take the liberty of speaking to you as I would a friend..and say Honey...just because a woman is silent..where there is a disagreement...doesn't mean she doesn't care. Sometimes it's almost impossible to talk around the lump in your throat and the ache in your heart. I know it happens with men..but since I'm a woman...I will speak from that point of view.
If you're taught as a child that you shouldn't complain...that you shouldn't express your feelings when something is wrong...you learn..falsely...that your feelings don't count. And even when someone tells you they want to hear them...they don't really or will retaliate at a later time...by tormenting you with your own words...making you feel small and flawed for feeling the way you do. It's even hard to cry..because you've been taught that it's a weakness and unacceptable. What do you do? It takes a long time to unlearn that kind of conditioning.
The next time you have a disagreement...try this: Simply go over to her...put your arms around her...and pull her close. She may stiffen up...but hold her anyway. Hopefully...she'll let you do that...and not fight. Rock her in your arms and tell her it's ok. Tell her...whenever she's ready to talk...you're willing to listen..to whatever she wants to say...and you won't judge her.
10/12/2005 5:14 am
Thank you Kiss. |
Though you're only 20 years older, you probably have 40 years more experience than myself. This world is becoming stranger and stranger the longer I 'live' in it.
When the time and person is appropriate, I'll try my best to remember your words simply because they are true. Now however, things have become very fucked up with respect to that particular person. The reasons you mentioned above, I once believed, now, true or not, they mean nothing...
Thank you again Kiss for sharing your knowledge with me. As a complete stranger, I appreciate it.