|Blogs > rm_nutsahoy > Inside the darkness|
How the fuck can I forgive someone who I hate? How can I forgive someone who lied to me for months to trick me into loving her? She used me, she manipulated me, I was her entertainment, I was her puppet on a string. We never spoke because she cared but because I cared. We were never friends, I was her friend. I was a source of love, affection, concern, whatever. I was everything her man was not...
How can I bare to talk to someone like that? Why should I forgive someone who takes advantage of people intentionally, someone who lies most of the time? Why should I have anything to do with her again? She doesn't deserve forgiveness.
We 'made love'; the second person in my 29 years. I did it because I loved her, because of passion, desire, a bunch of wonderful and powerful emotions. It probably ment nothing to her other than a challange or perk up. We made love because I trusted her, believed her words, her eyes. How could I be so wrong? Now I have to go for STD tests.
The worst part: she doesn't care. I torture myself with a million and one conflicting thoughts, with understanding the 'truth' behind all the lies, with the fact that I made such a terrible mistake, with the hope that she'll talk to me and tell me what happened...
We were 'good friends'. I knew more about her than anyone else in her fucked up little life. (she said). She 'trusted me'. She told me things 'no one else knew about'. I thought I was her friend. She had that respect from me and much more. Where the hell did I go wrong?
I've been told to forgive her for my sake, for my health. In time the pain will go away, in time, the memories will fade. In time, I'll be able to look at her pass in front of me and not ache with discomfort. I will not forgive her. I've been told to forgive her for the sake of the women who will come along later on in my life, for the sake of ending the bitterness I feel... I'm too young to understand but how can I forgive? The pain will stop drowning me in time but the final memory of betrayal will alwayse remain.
I hate someone I once loved. How amusing.
10/27/2005 4:19 pm
Hello again nutsahoy:|
I'm not going to say I know just how you feel. I don't. Each person experiences love and pain in their own way. I can empathize and sympathize...and I do. If I could reach out my hand and touch your heart and draw out some of your pain...I would. You are young...you are strong...the pain will pass. I know it may not seem like it at this time...but believe me me it will. In the meantime...take care of you. Eat healthfully to keep up your strength. Breath deep and fill your lungs with fresh air. Slowly and surely...your thoughts will turn more positive and you will begin to live in the brightness again. Please take care.
11/18/2005 11:06 pm
Hi, welcome to blog!|
Are you aware there is a new group created for bloggers and their readership to meet and frolic in the chat room? (A place for serious discussion as well)
A group where interesting blog posts will be “spot-lighted” along with the links of how to get there. A place where new kids on the block can actually get seen as well as the predominant “hierarchy”.
A place where ideas can flow--from suggested blog topics, to writing "critiques", to directions on how to better use the elements of color, photos, and font style/size to make your blog more eye appealing; as well as instructions on how to better use linking to other posts.
Being that this is an adult site, we will also have a group post running where writers and their followers can indicate where they're from so maybe you might actually be able to meet some folk "local" to you.
Flirtatious banter is encouraged--crude obscene assaults will not be tolerated and are subject to deletion.
So...Stop in and have a little fun over your cup o' joe!
Here is a link to the group Blog Cafe, look forward to meeting you there!