Heart, mind, soul, belief or disbelief  

rm_nosecrets56 60M
4 posts
2/12/2006 2:44 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Heart, mind, soul, belief or disbelief


Spoke to her briefly today twice...

I can't describe what it does to me when I speak to her...it creates this sensation deep inside and I don't mean a sexual one.

I feel like I am talking to someone that makes me whole...now I know that is a contradiction because nobody needs some else to make them whole.

They had a beautiful birthday party at her mother's house for her 3 year old son. I provided money for the provisions.

I called early in the morning to be one of the first to say Happy Birthday as planned and as planned I call early evening hoping for some "me" time.

Well, I got about 2 minutes and she needed to return to the party...

Her mother said hello and hwo grateful she was that I would do such a wonderful thing...not bad from a woman who less than 4 days ago said I was bringing shame on their family by not providing enough money for a 30 kid party...when all I said was I would help.

I guess help means take full financial responsibility in other languages..

Her father was happy and wanted to speak to me...life would be a lot easier once a get through some Spanish Classes...he probably told me thanks dumb ass for a hell of a party..

I don't think I am being taken advantage of but some times it feels like I get no respect for the kind things I do just because I do them...

I mean what could of it hurt for her to take 10 minutes to talk to me...I mean it was great to hear her tell me she loves me and she appreciates what I have done for "our" son on his birthday...and she can't wait to celebrate the his next birthday in the states...

My mind instantly thought here with me or with the other smuck that is too cheap to do anything other than use her..I still bet her is married and just messing with her until he gets caught..

I don't know with her recent 360 degree turn around in attitude to me, maybe she realized the other jerk was just playing her like all the other men that have come into her life...except of course me the one who loves her beyond all the stupid things she does...

Well, I shouldn't say stupid...more like immature or unwise...I don't want to call anyone I love so deeply stupid.

Thank you to those of you that post a comment. I appreciate hearing what others have to say even if it doesn't agree with me.

I am really having an inner struggle as to whether I should just tell her I don't think this is going to work...

I know I can't say I doubt her sincerity because that got me the silent treatment for 5 days last time....

I can't say, I know there is another man involved or was...why couldn't we just speak about that...that cost me 4 days of silence last time..

I mean for god's sake I proposed to her on after Christmas dinner in her house in front of her parents and she said yes.

I gave her a gorgeous ring and yet she refers to me as her boyfriend....I think of her as my wife and even though I have an ad here, there has been no response to it...other than a hello here and there...

Maybe I expect too much...I mean not many people love as deeply truely with commitment and conviction as I do...not many people think that going with a friend to a bar and dancing intimately with them is a problem when you are wearing someone else's ring...

I am sorry, I have a problem with that last one. Not jealous, just think a woman in love wouldn't put herself in that position to dishonor her husband to be..

I feel her mind, her soul, her body is only for me to touch in anyway and for someone else it should be off limits because we all know where touching leads...especially when you are a sensual person that loves to be touched as she is..

..he is just a friend doesn't work for me ok...I am not out doing this stuff because I believe in the love I have...and it would never set right in my own mind to be out with someone..

If it were possible and offered, I would love to have some great sexual experiences with a lot of women I have said hello to on here....but I couldn't because in my mind...my own heart, soul, and out of shape body...her Mr. Dick...belongs to her when I put that ring on her finger...

I wrote the add here to see what response I could get and maybe I could start over with someone I could find total trust with them...

I am trying to turn the other cheek but man, I feel like I am unappreciated for who I am...that my honesty, sincerity, love and even spontaneous generousity means nothing....I know differently because many women would love that sort of thing..but the many are not who I seek...only the one!

Long distance relationships are a bitch...make no bones about it people...but if trust would have remained there would have never been an issue other than I am lonely to wake up next to her and watch her breathing next to me.

I love the touch of her skin, her smile, her laugh and I love the way that some times she doesn't understand me because she makes me a better person by helping me to learn how to explain things differently.

It isn't all about the sex, it is great, but it is about her personality and just how life feels when I hold her hand and walk down the street..

The simple feelings setting down to dinner with her and automatically we begin to feed each other from the other's plate...

I feel she is my soulmate and I am going to fight to keep her...the biggest battle will be in my mind...and I hope that she can give me something that will help to erase my concerns...

I would rather be by her side then without her because I just have never felt this great about another person before...or this crappy.

Sick little puppy I am....

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