Unaffectionate  

rm_need4fun2469 47M
879 posts
5/4/2006 9:15 pm

Last Read:
4/25/2009 3:12 am

Unaffectionate


When I was growing up affection was not shown or spoken. My dad is a very stoic man. He would come home from work and sit in his chair without saying a word.

I would excel in sports for the sole purpose of making him proud of me. If he was I don't know. My brother and I were on varsity teams all through school. He never came to one of my meets or events.

I have been in relationships that ended because they said I didn't care or love them. This was not true. I express my affection for someone by my actions. When it comes to verbalizing it, words escape me. I feel nervous and nauseas.

I show my daughters love with hugs and kisses. I tell them I love them every time I talk to them and how proud I am of them.I have vowed to break the cycle.

Am I doomed forever? How do I get past this obstacle?

Blue_eyes_smile 42F

5/4/2006 10:46 pm

I would say, by just remembering how your father acted towards you and your brother, would be a start. My ex-boyfriend was like that in the 7 years we were together he never told me once he loved me, or showed affection (thanks to his parents). I figured with time maybe he would change but he didn't.

I don't think your doomed because, you are already showing your daughters love and affection by doing what your doing. It takes time to change, and maybe with time you will feel more comfortable showing the people that you care about how much you love them or care for them. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a family that showed love and all that, when I was growing up. Even to this day when I call my parents I tell them that I love them, because you never know if that could be the last time you talk to them, hell I tell my best friend that I love her.

Just keep holding them babies and give them love, show up to their play's and parties, just being there for them is a start , I wish you all the luck in the world! Don't give up!


rm_lilypond3 58F
83 posts
5/4/2006 10:54 pm

Good for you!!!
Knowing where we're deficient is half the battle!
No you are not doomed,, just realizing the need to make a change and wanting to break the cycle is acknowledging you want to do better than what was offered you.

Habits are actually created in very short time..
Try telling yourself OUTLOUD "I am a very loveable person.. I love to show affection and get affection"
Starting with your daughters is a good place to begin.. its natural and you can give that more to others the more accustomed you become to showing affection.

IT has been shown that we all need at least 10 hugs a day.
Let yours be the first that someone got that day...tell yourself
I will hug 1 more person today that I have never hugged... even a sideways hug is ok.
If that doesnt feel right either ,just touch a person on the arm. Thats a loving gesture sometimes too..

Wishing you a world of lots of affection.
LILY


DAISYDUKE1004 50F
534 posts
5/5/2006 1:26 pm

You are not doomed forever and you said you BROKE the cycle of your Dad...All you can do is make yourself a better person from your past experience and it looks like you are doing that now...
My best friends husband is like that with their kids...and you know what HIS father was the same way....

So do what you are doing...I do the same thing (kiss my daughter and tell her I love her)...We will be out in public and she will say "Mommy can I have a kiss??" and then she will say "I love you"...and that is because we teach our children that....

Take Care ~D~
MUAH


Blue_eyes_smile 42F

5/7/2006 9:23 pm

, yes we as women love mushy stuff...flowers, candy, hugs and kisses...something you miss when you are single. I've been in relationships as well, even then I didn't get flowers, candy...or the I Love Yous, funny I guess after a while you don't expect that from a guy anymore...sad I know.


TabithaElectra79 37F

5/9/2006 4:15 am

I have no contact with my Dad ~ my choice, and in a way he did me a big favor with his bad parenting, because he taught me what not to do if I ever have children.

It sounds to me that you are doing a good job of breaking the cycle you were in...

Hugs


rm_SunRa3Way 41F

5/9/2006 10:55 pm

Fake it till you make it....

Saying words that express your feelings is the hardest thing to do. But people need that reinforcement. You need it too...from others. Even if it feels strange do it until it doesn't anymore.

Remember, the past no longer dictates your life. You recognize what happened, you have addressed the issues at hand and it's your responsibility to move forward and not stay trapped in the past.

Your the only one that controls your destiny now.


MOfunNOWWOW 55F

5/13/2006 3:50 pm

Actions are better than words. Mowalk less talk but on the other hand it is nice to have good communication. Practice and the right person will probably make a difference. {=}


MOMO
just a squirrel trying to get a nut


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