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Some Ghetto ASS SHIT!!!!
Some Ghetto ASS SHIT!!!!
Hey Y'all, It's me!!!! I wanna talk to y'all!!! I gotta get this out! Can I really Talk? Aight here we go!
I grew up in the HOOD..... St. Bernard Projects, 7th Ward Hardhedz, New Orleans, Louisiana...Nigga What! lol. Nah in my day, Ive seen some ghetto ass shit! but today, I went to a "Welcome Home Hood" bar-b-que that one of my boys I grew up with gave. It was off the chain!!!!! Bitches (and I use that term in the HOOD way) "eva wear". You could smell more weed smoke than meat smoke. Custom cars on custom rims, sound bumpin and everythang! STRICKLY HOOD SHIT!.
Nah, here's where some pointers came in.....First, You know it's HOOD when a mutha fucka give a bar-b-que in the middle of the day, in the middle of the week. Flash! half of these Bitches dont have jobs!!!lmao. Second, you know it's HOOD cuz there's more TEXAS license plates on cars for Niggas from Louisiana!!!! FEMA is a mutha fucka, they bought more cars for theses NO-DRIVING BITCHES then a lil bit. Third the food was funded solely by everybody's best friend, Food Stamps.
I seen more lil girls "backin' it up" then I seen beers in the "Ice Chest"....maybe because all the ole men from the "HOOD" drunk those bitches before everybody got there.
Now, while everybody's excited to see everybody since Hurricane Katrina, we all know the crime problem that other cities have experienced since the storm have almost tripled. Why, cuz New Orleans people really at this point "DONT GIVE A FUCK". In the first twenty minutes I was there, they had three fights, two of them kat fights!! so I got a chance to see some more TITTIES. The police came two times, and the generator conked out four times. SO, the d.j. decided to hook battery cables to his car so he could have power to play the music!!! enough to blow all our asses up. I dont know how he did it but that shit worked. But people started chippin on gas, cuz.......he was a "LIL SHORT ON FUNDS" Figure that shit out.
Now a hour or two has passed, me myself, I'm on Hennessey and SPRITE(cuz these mutha fuckas was to cheap to get 7UP). My boyz were loaded(I dont smoke)and we just decided to really start fuckin wit people!!!! So everyone that passed we cracked on 'em(joked with em). One chick had on split toe sandles.........with ashey ass feet! AW, we wore her ass out!
Speaking of.... There's just some shit you dont do at a Hood bar-b-que, and these are some of the things:
1. If you a "big" girl, talkin 300+ lbs. You "don't wear a halter top with no bra! that shit is not sexy!
2. Women with rolls of fat on their back should not "sport" the "drippin' cherry" tattoo in the middle of their back. It definately looks like a fruit salad after a while.
3. If you ashey.... put some FUCKIN LOTION ON!!!! Dont come to the bar-b-que lookin' like you been rollin around in flour all day!
4. Dont bust out here with the HOOD HOE, acting like you just struck GOLD! cuz we did too (lmao).
5. Dont front like you "BIG DOLLA GRIP", walking around with 5 cell phones on ya belt, then ask a mutha fucka for a ride home....NIGGA PLEASE.
NAH, all these things were addressed at the bar-b-que as they happend by yours truly, and I just wanted to pass this tip on to all you grillers out there as it was passed on to me by the HOOD chef (as it was excatly said):
You wanna start this bitch off right? lemme show you this nigga, you cant fuck wit dis!!! (he opens a margarine bucket full of cookin grease) BAM NIGGA! I'M LAW WITH THIS SHIT HERE. DIS SHIT BETTER THAN FUCKIN LIGHTER FLUID. THIS WAY, YO FUCKIN CHICKEN AND SHIT DONT TASTE LIKE LIGHTER FLUID NIGGA!
The whole while I'm standin there like while this mutha fucka is coating the charcol with fucking old cooking oil. SO ANYWAY, he goes on and on bout how he's the best "FUCKIN GRILLER" in the HOOD when suddenly,........... the hot coal catches the cookin grease!WHOOOOOSH Fuckin Flames every where! Burnin Outta Control!
Would somebody please call N.O.F.D..... DIS NIGGA'S ON FIRE!.
This mutha fucka has cinged his mustache, eyebrows, and the hair on both arms. Needless to say, I'm Laughing my ass off cuz now he looks like a wax dummy with no hair. So when the fire kinda dies down, I politely go over and tell him in a soft, real, voice.......Hope the chicken dont taste like hair NIGGA!
NOW!!!! Imagine all this shit goin on, It was like comedy hour(s). I was havin to much fun! and just when you thought it couldnt get any worse.......... it did. Let me tell ya. Two women from the hood we know, I wont say their names(awwww) but I will post the pics, came out there and stole the show!!!!!! You know they say "A PICTURE SPEAKS A THOUSAND WORDS"? with that said, these speak a million!!!
CHECK EM OUT UP CLOSE!!!!!!!! GET AT MEY Y"ALL, I'M OUT...........HOLLA.
6/14/2006 10:02 pm
ROFLMFAO!!! Muthafucker, you need your own show FA REAL! 'Cause this shit is better than Jay Tweezy and Tony King on 94.1 in the mornin'!! And them chicks NEED TO BE SHOT.. with KOOL-AID in their hair (is that a Kool-Aid STICKER or what?!?). But what makes this shit SOOO funny.. is that it's SOOO true! Louisiana ghetto BBQ's are SOMETHIN' ELSE!|
6/14/2006 10:20 pm
You kids from the south are on some other shit...|
I never understood your ways....
You never see shit like this on the Westcoast.
"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur
6/15/2006 12:34 am
Damn dog!!!!!!! You gotta stop this!!!!!! I keep readin this at 3in da morn and wakin up my roomy!!!!!!!!!!!Fuckin Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!|
6/15/2006 8:10 pm
ohhhhhh, drunk and blogging, dayum.|
Can I add that there are sistas (any color) that don't need to be wearin' spandex. They look like... well, you know....
6/16/2006 10:38 am
"If you ashey.... put some FUCKIN LOTION ON!!!! Dont come to the bar-b-que lookin' like you been rollin around in flour all day!"|
I was reading and being serious and didnt really find any funny until i saw the above statement and just cracked up, so fucking funny