|Blogs > rm_mtnravyn > Reflections, perceptions, and|
I wanted to put "pensive" for the emotion but wasn't there
I know TM is reading "Women Who Run With Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. I read it quite some time ago (I know what’s a man doing reading a “woman’s book? ‒ Shows how much you think you know about lierature LO In it she tells a story about a mistaken zygote. As she tells it the Zygote Fairy is delivering a zygote to be born to a family when she runs into turbulence and drops the zygote into the wrong family. The family never quite receives the zygote or
understand her. I always clung to this story as I always felt out of place in my family.
I have spent my entire life with grains of sand trying to fit in. I have
marveled at these sand grains and shone my light upon them and I have covered my brightness in dirt and barnacles with the hopes that just one grain of sand would love me. And I am too much for a sand grain. So I need to brush myself off and rediscover my authentic self and take my place in the sky. I'm still feeling a little shaky. The plunge I took has stirred up my chemical balance...endorphins, seratonins, or hormones or whatever happens when we human beings feel more pain than we're ready to bear is still sorting out. I just need time. Today I found this I wrote in October:
Right now I need rest.
But once I'm rested and more myself
I am going to eat salsa and chips
and drink Blue Sky straight from the can.
I'm not going to hold back when
I need to sneeze or burp.
I am not going to weigh myself
or spray freshener before I leave the bathroom.
I am going to write a lot.
I am going to rant and rave
and break a lot of glass.
People may get afraid and
call me an angry man.
I am not going to care.
I am going to shout at God
all the words you never say in church.
I am going to throw darts at pictures
of people that I need to forgive someday.
I am going to burn every love letter
I have ever received.
I am going to laugh and cry
at the most inappropriate times.
I am going to open my arms wide
and embrace all of me.
I am going to dance all my anger
and waltz with my sadness
until only the music remains.
8/11/2006 12:50 am
I too lived with those grains of sand...|
you always touch me every freakin time I come into your blog....
not to say what emotions and gut wrenchings happen when you visit mine....
kisses and tender hugs ......m.
8/11/2006 12:50 am
Did I say Thank you....maybe you knew .|