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Real men: nice guys or brutes
Real men: nice guys or brutes
candy asked a question on her blog about choosing between a nice guy or a brute. And she got a number of varied comments. I ahd asked about three weeks ago about what makes a "real" man. The danger for me in this type of discussion is the use of "loaded" words which are often not clearly defined but mya have emotional overtones. "Real" man, "nice" guy, "warrior", 'brute,"
Often the context is presented as black or white. There is very little when it comes to men, or women for that matter, which is black or white
Here are some of my responses:
Real men are balanced, masculine and feminine. They honor women and kids and protect them. They are proud of their ability to take control but can release it and be tender and vulnerable if the occasion rises. They are lovers of the earth, comfortable on the land and feel its heartbeat
.a real man is a man who is secure with himself who needs no one to stroke his ego, who selfishly shares himself and is never afraid to feel the depth of emotions that arise in occasions in life.........a person who lets a woman grow and is proud to stand by and watch what amazing things she will find out about herself and not feel threatened....thats a real man in my definition
A real man is also one who is sensitive, passionate and compassionate. One who is also in touch with the feminine side.
For me, a real man stimulates my mind as well as my body. One simply doesn't exist without the other.
The defintion of a brute is "someone who is cruel, ruthless, or insensitive." or as an adjective "purely phuysical or instinctive rather than intelligent and reasoned"
Real "genuine and original, not artificial or synthetic"
Nice "kind, or showing courtesy, friendliness or consideration"
Warrior "somebody who fights or is experienced in warfare"
The definition used for "warrior" in the aftermath of the men's movement of the early 80's was something like this. A warrior will sacrifice everything except his truth, his way of being, and his commitments. The ultiamte stand is to do something with your life that will make a difference. A warrior may have nothing to do with weapons, competitions, or killing. Rather they take a stand on living. There stand is for harmony, growth, and healing. And to do this within a closed system that seems bent on self destruction is a challenging task. It is not the movie or TV heroes that should define the model. There were a lot of nice guys who stood up on a plane aimed for Washington on 9/11 and took their stand. That is my ideal for a model.
I have lived a very varied life. To say that more than 14 years on submarines did not introduce some danger and trauma would be huge lie. To say that I always responded well would be the same. The eventual outcome is that, today, I try to live my life with authenticity and courage. Which for me means taking a stand when I feel strongly about something. Being willing to be fully present and as completely who I am in that context. I have worked with a number of very fine young men, all of whom seem to be able to do this much better than me. We don't always agree on things either but they take thier stands and I take mine, and we are still friends. All of them are very powerful and gentle men who epitomize, for me, what it means to be a "real"man and a warrior of today.