|Blogs > rm_mtnravyn > Reflections, perceptions, and|
I have been reading many blogs over the past few days and have noticed a number of comments that I would call negative. My bellief is, if you choose to be on a site like AdultFriendFinder, there are some characteristics that really will not serve you as an individual and will nto serve the community as a whole. I learned about these serving in the USN on submarines, which is realtively close quarters metaphorically similar to AdultFriendFinder.
(1) Hypersensitivity - A lack of response or a "No" cannot be taken personally, leads to carrying grudges and those things can get very heavy. very fast. I also think people who are hypersensitive tend to be hyper critical as a defense. Talk about a negative spiral.
(2) Fear of rejection - This may, I say may, apply to many of those "prefer not to say" comments. Usually about a fear of being found out or "outed" Hey, look at where you are. This is rejection central. We all have preferences and choices and there certainly is not a kink that is a "Fits all" For those of you who are just toooo nice - opposite side of same coin.
(3) Fear of conflict - The probability on this site of a disagreement nears 100%. Everyone will say something without thinking at some point and the bomb will go off. Be compassionate. Be honest. And mmost of all, don't compromise your integrity.
(4) Rigidity - I have seen this a lot in comments. This is the know-it-all, who has all the answers, and has to have the last word (and it isn't chilvary). The world is not black and white. And as an artist friend pointed out "If black is the absence of color and white is the blend of all then between black and white is the rainbow" (Some of you artisits are going to jump on the tint vs color arrgument that it is backward but either way the rainbow is the connection - or so the Muppets say).
(5) Fear of disclosure - self revelation is llike being thrown into the pit with the rattlesankes. If you want to find any connection that is fulfilling then the masks have to come off. Not a full regiurgitation of your life history in all its intimate and gory details with in the first IM or chat or email. And probably never such detail. But who you are will certainly bring more possibilities of success.
(6) Control - It is hard work to be responsible for everybody and everything. It would certainly be nice if I could control the outcome of every request I sent and every rendezvous, but it might also get boring. If you want control go to ALT.COM and get into D/s play. It would seem that going with the flow is the way to go because life is life.
I have one more but it doesn't fit so nicely into a category. It's tied to fear of abandonment/fear of intimacy sort of. It appears that are so afraid of being hurt they employ many of the above in various combinations to ensure no one really gets close. I am guilty of some of this occassionally. As soon as it seems there is a connection, something is done to betray a trust, or push someone away. It is truly a paradoxical characteristic.
I want my connections here to be conveyors of joy and pleasure, not hurt and anger. I want to honor all those with whom I converse and erspect your perspective and experience. But don't try to blow smoke up my ass, cause its been tried by pros and you will garner neither respect not honor.
I'll close with this "[Being a warrior] It is a willingness to sacrifice everything except your truth, your way of being, your commitment. " Douglas Cardinal, Canadian Indian Architect, Writer, and Artist
Warriors don’t always have to fight. They may just have to stand up.
8/19/2005 9:09 am
Love your blog. Love your profile. Love the way you think. |
Thank you for being you!
8/21/2005 10:25 pm
nsg Thanks |
mk I agree. It does work both ways. Look forward to more exchanges on yours and mine.