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100 was a surprise
100 was a surprise
I had been wanting to write something special for this 100th post but life can be downright contrary at times. It has been over a year since my 12 year relationship ended. I was out dancing tonight and danced with several very good dancers and some who were not so good but loved to dance. On the floor it doesn’t seem to matter so much, although those dances when there is magic in the connection and the music are incredibly beautiful.
As I was driving home, “The Rose’ with Bette Midler played and I found myself in tears. Time may heal wounds but the soul can still feel that sense of something missing and occasionally reminds me that special relationships need to be valued and that those moments are treasures which can be easily lost.
I am retired military as well, and all the BS around Iraq and the attitude that war can solve anything baffles me. It appears that we never learn from our history and that we are not the only country with that problem.
I have seen several posts recently decrying the negativity that has been somewhat pervasive in blogland recently and the number of losses people have suffered and the questions of how much can you know someone else. All of these came together in my mind as I listened to Bette.
Certainly tonight the road seemed way too long and my loves and my friends very distant. The cycle of winter feels so cold that is often hard to remember that spring does bring the sunshine. That negativity is only a passing thing and really only has the power I choose to give it. That there are many loves out there if I am open. That loneliness does not equate to unhappiness. That there are many of us praying for peace and focused on caring about others. That this moment is a gift and to be treasured in solitude or with a kindred spirit.
I did have several very special dances that took my breath away. I did share some very special conversations and believe I spread some sheer and some peace tonight. I know this ache I feel will pass.
Sometimes I am angry because I cannot accept someone else’s or my own humanness. I make mistakes and can even choose from a perspective of selfishness. Those are lessons which, after the fact, often significantly after, I can learn from if I choose to not blame or deny or stay in my pain and anger.
Of course when I got home Kate Wolf “Give Yourself to Love” was playing. “Open your heart to the tears and the laughter” and “Two Way Waltz”
So dance for the day
But watch for the signs
That point out your way
When the doubt fills your eyes
And try to believe
That the sweetest hello
Always comes after
The hardest goodbye
So 100 became a ramble that needed to be written and allowed to flow where it did. Aloneness did overwhelm and tears flowed as they did. Sleep tonight may not come but it won’t be the first, nor probably the last without.
The finest hour that I have seen
Is the one that comes between
The edge of night and the break of day
When the darkness rolls away
The pic is from a morning on a river trtip last year.
7/23/2006 9:51 am
and what a wonderful 100th post it has become, from such a special person. Congratz, and it's a great picture as well.
The rose is such a great song....
7/24/2006 8:39 am
This is the first time I have visited your blog ~ I think ~ and I think that's a really great post, congratulations on reaching 100 and I think the photo is really amazing! |
7/25/2006 5:57 am
here lately i have found that i am pulling out old photos.. finding old leters.. and in general having memories sparked from everyday life and especially songs.. i have found that im in a very open and forgiving place.. both for others and for myself.. i still feel my eyes sting with tears of the past, it eases more and more though.. hugs..|
8/11/2006 12:58 am
congrats on the 100th... belatedly....|
but with tender hugs....