From "What am I Doing Here?" by Pat Califia  

rm_msdivinity 51F
23 posts
3/28/2005 3:53 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

From "What am I Doing Here?" by Pat Califia

what am i doing here
naked under this blue light
naked in front of Your leather

i am humiliated by
what i imagine of Your other slaves ...
who have felt Your spit
in a fine spray on their faces

...

what am i doing here
desperately hoping i will be allowed
to suck Your cock
well aware i don't know how

it amazes me to feel
heat and desire
filling my ass
msdivinity
i am embarrassed to realize
how different this is
from merely tolerating
an intruding finger

i will never be able to please You
even though You say, more than once,
I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO FAIL

what am i doing here
i cannot see beyond
the black walls
the hanging equipment
menaces me, flashes silver warnings

it amuses You to see me shiver
when You pass by
i shiver at the odor of Your leather

it amuses You
to examine me
for signs of arousal,
to hood me,
to assign me a position
feet forced apart until thighs quiver

i never expected
to get this close to You
for a few seconds You
allow my tongue to caress
the red fur of Your flesh

for a few seconds
i am free to prove myself a slut
it is a miracle

i call You Sir
again
again
You ignore the rest
of what i say

this one word
sticks in my throat
Sir i repeat
kneeling to Your order

You hold my head
and give me a little cock
fucking me in the mouth
when i beg for it
thrusting Your cock back
to where the word Sir
sticks in my craw

i shame myself by gagging
tears at the eyes
You are only half hard
and still i cannot take You

ANIMAL! you sneer
as i lunge at You
wanting to choke myself
on Your sex

since i cannot control myself
You bind me
since lust has made me stupid and slow
You punish me
since i doubt my slavery
You teach it to me

until my knowledge has been reduced to this:

who i belong to
where i feel the pain
and whether or not i need to come

the pain is intolerable
yet when it is over
i want more
i am sure i could have taken more

You release me and
return my clothing
saying nothing

and clothed, i still feel myself
a slave

still in need
still confused by lust
drawn to the floor and Your boots
unable to speak to Your face

and i beg You to feel
some pleasure
i beg You to make some use of me

You consider my lack of manners
and say abruptly TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT
AND GET ON YOUR BACK

this is what i came for

You standing over me
Your face cold
Your body hard and immaculate
in its sheath of darkness
handling Your cock
allowing me to watch

(never mind the way men
have stood over women
never mind the r+pists and the priests
i belong on my back
under You
my need is greater than history)

and i am compelled to touch Your boots
to touch myself
cry out in gratitude
when You tread on me
crushing my breasts
the weight of Your heel on my face
my mouth forced open
my tongue laving dirt from the leather

then You drop
pinning me
gloved fingers in my mouth
threatening to come
shooting Your come on my cunt
Your spit is a reward
an intimacy my naked breasts
do not deserve

i arch my hips and slide
out of boots and blue jeans
it is the first graceful thing
i have done all night

fuck me i plead
arrogant, shameless
daring to reach for You
and direct You with my hand

Your cock, still growing,
dances outside my moisture and my hunger
You slip against my clitoris
fuck the crack of my ass
i scream i pound the floor
hurting myself out of frustration

i want what women want
flickering and writhing across
dirty screens
i want what women want
for pages and pages in trash novels
i want what women plead for
from the couches of shrinks
in the back seats of their daddies' cars

what women want and can't ever have

Your cock
pushes against me
and i am there, open hole,
hot spring,
eager hips

You stab me
pierce me
i am assaulted
and gorged
and burning

You have pinned me
so securely I cannot respond
i am doubled up
Your hands are around my wrists
and You drop onto my body
doing brutal pushups
into my cunt

animal
slave
i want my food
i want what you are giving me
in long sweet jabs
Your cum

we will never be closer
and yet by the look on Your face
You are miles away
are You measuring the dose
just so much
to make me crave more

i am disciplined by
Your orgasm
once again given only
because i needed it
i will always need this
more than You

what am i doing here
crumpled on the floor
hand cupping my crotch
to retain what You have given me

refusing to swallow
the last few grains of dirt
from Your boots

i will find a way to preserve them
like this evening which seems like a page
torn from the book of someone else's life

...

i leave feeling like Prometheus
a sacred thief whose punishment
will be awful and unjust

never mind, i don't care
eagles could tear at my liver and
i would never repent of wanting You


rm_ccfftt25 50M
2 posts
7/10/2005 1:40 am

LETS GET TOGETHER!! I AM WELL ENDOWED AND BLEW MY WAD AFTER READING YOUR BLOG!!! PLEASE CONTACT ME OR TELL ME A GOOD TIME TO CHAT ONLINE!!! CCFFTT25 -7/10/2005 SUNDAY AT 01:36 HRS PST PLEASE!!!!!!


rm_ccfftt25 50M
2 posts
7/10/2005 1:42 am

MSDIVINITY!!! WHERE ARE YOU?


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