Coming out.  

rm_mishkarma 49F
28 posts
1/30/2006 6:09 pm

Last Read:
3/6/2006 10:50 pm

Coming out.

I don't know if being into the alternative lifestyle of swinging or polyamory could be considered an orientation like homo/hetero/bi sexuality. I think of it more as a calling, like monogamy, celibacy, medicine or the religious life.

I am called to swinging/polyamory. I don't need a different cock or pussy every night of the week or even every year of my life. However, I know that I thrive on sexual and sensual variety, intensity and exploration. Even more importantly, I thrive on the openness, acceptance and great intimacy (emotional and otherwise) that can accompany physical intimacy with more than two people at the same time.

Over the past two years I have come out to my three best friends about my view on sex and intimacy. I have had three very different responses.

The first of them frankly applauds me and is delighted that I am enjoying myself. I consider myself blessed to have this friend. She has been someone to hold onto, during these past two years when my sexual life began to diverge from that of my friends.

My second best friend finds that my "play" explorations tend to go beyond her moral beyonds. That's the polite version. The real, more brutal version involved several months of fairly bitter acrimony peppered with moments of intense support. All of which I found very confusing and hurtful. Once I was able to realize what she was doing, and she was able to admit it, things began to mend. That mending began just under a year ago.

The mending has worked so that our relationship is nearly finally healed. It was just last Friday that I was able to speak with her about my experiences again and share with her that I am very seriously interested in dating a couple. When I first met this man and woman I knew I would connect with them. I have had this experience with people in my life before and, when I respect this intuition, it has unfailingly led to strong enduring friendships.

I also find that I am at times giddy about the whole prospect, much as I have been about singles that I've dated. I go through the whole butterfly process: "Do they like me? Do they like me as much as I like them? Will they still like me after they see me in "real" life?" I am embracing the headiness of it all--enjoying the experience as I know it will pass.

Last Friday I shared with my friend my feelings about this couple. On the plus side, she did not shut down. She did not make a judgement statement. She was even supportive.

I am thankful that I'm finally coming to a balance where I don't have to hide my true face from my most intimate friends. I find my integrity has taken a beating this last year: exploring and gaining intense experiences while not sharing or even acknowledging it with two of my most intimate friends.

Which brings me to my third best friend. She is a wonderful lady. A single mom, good Catholic, decent down-home, woman-next-door lady. I am about as far along the spectrum from her as is possible. Yet we've been friends for twenty plus years. We've each agreed that the other's life is not ours and we respect each other's right to live it.

Last night I called her to settle a time to go to a movie. As we spoke I found I really wanted to share with her my good news. Just as I would if it was a guy I was dating. I wanted to tell her how gooey-eyed I was getting and more importantly that I just really really liked them. That I was so happy to be making two new friends who just might hopefully also one day be my lovers.

I asked her if I could tell her something that would push her boundaries. She was open to listening so I delicately outlined the situation, focussing mostly on how much I like these two people. It was not an easy conversation. She definitely felt her boundaries pushed, as she told me. But she didn't judge and she didn't rage. She will have her reactions and I will honour them as they manifest. Just as I honour her for the respect she showed me last night.

Today I feel free.

I have had a year of stealing my sexuality, like a teenager hiding his lover in a closet before mom gets to the door. I have had a year of gorging myself in occasional binges as opportunities arose, out of fear of never being permitted to explore as a part of life. I have had a year of hiding my victories of exploration, like an alcoholic shoving the bottles to the bottom of the neighbour's trash bin.

I find I feel released, triumphant that I stuck with what I knew to be right for me, even through this period of trial. I am grateful that I have such strong friends who can withstand the challenge of being emotionally intimate with someone who is very different from themselves.

I feel blessed and relieved and released. My soul has given me many opportunities to make many choices. I know this weekend I made several of the right ones.

PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
2/1/2006 9:18 pm

It's good to have friends who can handle it when we reveal ourselves as we are... *HUG*

I'm wondering... considering how things are, I might try poly if I could change my geographical location.

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

norprin5 55M

2/2/2006 7:11 am

i'm feeling more and more 'poly' as time goes by, but i'm finding the same reactions whenever i say anything about it...especially from my queen, who doesn't understand it at all

King Nor XVIII

caressmewell 53F

2/2/2006 7:20 am

It's your life, live it for YOU! If your happy those around you will be happy to. Good luck!

xxxhandyman4u2 55M

3/9/2006 12:00 am

Welcome to the Poly world...but being outed is as difficult as staying hidden...

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