Mixed emotions  

rm_metalmama69 42F
5299 posts
4/26/2006 4:47 am

Last Read:
11/8/2006 5:27 am

Mixed emotions

It's too early to be up, but now that 'Lil Metalhead is ready to go back to school I'm up at 6:30 am. This is very early for me and I'm not quite used to it. Right now I am half asleep, trying to wake up. I'm seriously considering becoming a coffee drinker


I woke up today with mixed emotions: happiness, sadness, anger, fear, intimidation, excitement, anticipation, loneliness, dread, cattyness, impatience, arousal, pain, enthusiasm and more happiness.


It is just a side effect of the scary roller coaster that has been the last week. I often wonder if things will change, knowing they will never completely change. People are people, and sometimes people suck. Sometimes alot of what happens to me is self inflicted. This past week wasn't self inflicted. I was placed in this position years ago by no fault or choice of my own, leading us to the present.


There are a couple of people in my real life and otherwise that need their asses kicked, their balls twisted with a wrench and/or their eyes scratched out of their heads. As much as I'd feel better tearing into them myself, I won't do it. I know better than ANYONE that violence solves nothing. It only brings pain and breeds more violence. So, I'll let karma take care of them. Once I am gone from their lives completely they will regret taking me for granted, this I know.


It may sound like I am feeling sorry for myself today, but I am not. I am feeling sorry for the others. The ones who are taking me for granted and could care less. The ones who think their lives will be the same or better without my presence. The ones who are taking me for granted and don't know it or won't realize it until it's too late. The ones who can't wait for me to leave their lives for good. That is who I'm feeling sorry for, because one day they will need or miss me. They will have regrets and their bridges will have been burned.


I will prove everybody wrong. I will not say "I told you so" but I will look directly into their eyes with pride, knowing I was right all along.


There, I am awake now, feeling MUCH better wiothout the help of coffee!




docdirk 47M

4/26/2006 5:29 pm

OK, 6:30am??? WTF????

Damn, I'd have to shower with coffee to be able to function at that hour.

I feel damn sorry for those who wish to extract you from their lives. Fools!

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...


rm_metalmama69 replies on 4/28/2006 6:08 am:
I totally agree with you as usual, my Doc!

NickRules999 39M
9462 posts
4/26/2006 4:45 pm

Hell yeah!!!

Ya know, I wrote something similar, though I'm not sure how long ago it was. I'm through feeling sorry for myself.

My early 20s were the worst time for me. I was depressed, I couldn't drive, I had nothing going for me. There were times that I was considering suicide. I was close to the edge. Moving out of my stepdad's house was a big part of my recovery. He and my mom split up, which meant I could finally breathe again.

Last Saturday is the first anniversary of me getting my driver's license, something that a few years earlier, I never thought would have happened. And with my aspirations of taking up wrestling, I feel I'm ready to take on the world.

They say the best revenge is living well. If that's true, I can honestly say that vengence is mine.

I'm glad things are better for you. Here's wishing you many happy days.

Come into my realm! You aren't afraid...are you?


rm_metalmama69 replies on 4/27/2006 4:25 pm:
I wish you many hot & happy days too, my friend!

ohcurious14 59M
1683 posts
4/26/2006 2:02 pm

Can't wait until you can scream I'm on top of the world!!!!

"Let not your head hang in sorrow, But carry it high with Pride"

2 Illinois fans of yours sitting in front row cheering you on!!!!!


rm_metalmama69 replies on 4/26/2006 2:58 pm:
Awwww! Thank you!
Now, about that road trip.....

Sorceror07 54M

4/26/2006 9:06 am

i know EXACTLY how you feel it's all good though, your time is coming!

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


rm_metalmama69 replies on 4/26/2006 12:26 pm:
i do not think You kicked Your calendar hard enough, Master!!! Did You have Your boots on? Or did You let sheep do it? hehe!

Kaliedascope61 41M
4084 posts
4/26/2006 7:55 am

with out the help of coffee? thats just not possible.


rm_metalmama69 replies on 4/26/2006 12:20 pm:
Sure it is! All you need is some Skid Row to take it's place!

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