Holding back ......  

rm_mangomami2 41F
415 posts
7/24/2006 10:01 pm

Last Read:
10/26/2006 9:00 pm

Holding back ......

When anything you say can be judged or taken in the wrong light you tend to hold back ....

I have held back a lot around here .

When you don't have the facial expression or body language to go along with the words , playful sarcasm can be taken as hostile , True emotion can be taken as playful flirting . Light flirting taken as stalkerish .

I have held back a lot in life .

But then you are the man or woman with nothing to lose .

I am that woman , and yet I continue to hold back .

I am thinking it is because when you unleash you are also most open ...........much in the same way a fighter is most vunerable when launching an attack .

Never fragile, I have unleashed enough times to know my reactions , what I can take . But then I have been caught unaware , weak . Like almost anyone I didn't like the feeling .

You have a choice in that moment take a minute to regroup or come out fighting .On the mat , no doubt I always gave it like I got it . In emotional matters usually the same .I have often regretted knee jerk reactions . I have chastised myself for leaving myself open more often then not .Restraint was just not in my vocab for a long time .

I have been really hard on myself lately for being weak , letting the guard down , I wanted to delete the posts I wrote because the tone was sad and sappy to me . But then I realized I was worried about being judged or being weak . Damn that . I am human , I have feelings , and if you see em so what ?

I guess sometimes when you have nothing to lose you can see clearly .....................

HBowt2 59F

7/25/2006 3:51 am

sometimes we need to be willing to put all of us out there....to be more human...not to be too perfect...to be ourselves...

florallei 99F

7/25/2006 5:45 am

Hello MangoM,

It is when we see and face our fears that we grow and in the end become wiser. You validate yourself first and the rest will follow suit. It is really about finding that balance to be who we are and holding back the reign when you sense someone can trample on you.
You are not weak! You are courageous!

ticktock500 44M

7/25/2006 7:35 am

Phuc_Buddy 46M

7/25/2006 9:05 am

Holding back on the truth gets to be tougher than we all think. Eventually even the clear reality becomes fuzzy.

Everyone has something to lose...sometimes we just don't know what that is.

rm_mangomami2 41F
364 posts
7/25/2006 9:09 pm

HBowt - imagine if you were all out there and someone loved you anyway .......

Flo - no fear of being trampled here , just the thought I might not like MYSELF reflected in the eyes of someone I "trampled " . But we all have our fears and in knowing what a person is afraid of , is to know what truly motivates a person

ticktock - back at cha babe

Phuc - So true , I guess thats why a lot of old folks are grumpy . I think the most valuable things to lose are self respect , or self love .Being afraid to lose is the most crippling disease I have even seen .It can keep you from loving , learning , and expressing your true self .

SirMounts 102M

7/26/2006 2:36 am

My, you are a very skilled and insightful writer.
A very warm welcome to blogging, mangomami. *smiling*

rm_magnet4u22 49F
18406 posts
7/26/2006 5:12 am

If you are all out there and someone loves you anyway.......DO NOT let them go.......or, call me! Then wouldn't life be great?


rm_mangomami2 41F
364 posts
7/26/2006 8:17 pm

Sirmounts -Thank you !!!

magnet - I have NEVER in my life been all out there , I have inched out a few times but thats about it . I think thats what attracted me to this very place . Here I always felt I could reveal more of myself then in my daily interactions . In my RL I had to be strong , never waver , never let em see you sweat . Here I could show a softer side and get feedback in an intellectual way .

SirMounts 102M

7/27/2006 5:19 am

you're very welcome. *smiling*

rm_mangomami2 41F
364 posts
7/27/2006 8:57 pm

fun - No more holding back , I don't see the need anymore kisses

Sir mounts- smiling back !

keithcancook 60M
17859 posts
10/17/2006 11:51 pm

The last sentence of this post really resonates. Well done.

rm_mangomami2 41F
364 posts
10/26/2006 9:00 pm

Keith- ty

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