read this if you want to laugh till you cry  

rm_lovelyLady 64F
552 posts
11/14/2005 7:30 am
read this if you want to laugh till you cry


Courtroom Drama

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one...

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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....

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AT TORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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mikrocam 40M

11/14/2005 8:28 am

50% funny 50% scary as hell!!
even the brightest bulbs can shine dimly in the good ole USofA
thanks for the laugh
Mikrocam


rm_lovelyLady 64F
434 posts
11/14/2005 8:36 am

A good story I read this morningVery Adult Thanksgiving Story


rm_lovelyLady 64F
434 posts
11/14/2005 8:47 am

mikrocam Yes, I have to agree with you there.... This makes you hope you never need an Attorney!
xoxo LL


sleeplessknight1 68M

11/14/2005 10:29 am

LL
too funny....
Look at the funny insurance cases - answers given for accidents.
Also the old laws that still exist in certain countries and states.

always enjoy visiting you Blog

ty for visiting mine...


rm_lovelyLady 64F
434 posts
11/14/2005 6:23 pm

sleeplessknight1 Nice to see you here too...........
Thanks for your kind words..... I also enjoy visiting your Blog...

What these attorneys get away with, "almost" makes me think I could practice law too......... heheh......... uhhhhhhh scary........
xoxo LL


rm_lovelyLady 64F
434 posts
11/21/2005 1:27 pm

[blog mizzkitka]Hey, I'm glad you enjoyed these too. I laugh and get tears in my eye reading these, especially that last one.......

xoxo LL


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