|Blogs > rm_lovelyLady > Living, Loving and Learning|
I have read a lot of profiles the say “no baggage’, and last night at work I was thinking about this subject…. These are just some of my Thoughts about dealing with someone that has baggage…
Mental baggage is similar to a wound. If you break a leg or cut your arm, you go to the Dr. and get stitches or a cast and it takes 4 ‒ 6 or more weeks to heal. A mental wound is different. Some people can look/ask for help and others don’t, thinking they don’t need to get help, or don’t want to get help. Depending on the individual, and the degree of pain, and the level of importance of the action that caused the pain… determines the time it takes to recuperate. This isn’t a skill we all handle the same and when someone is hurt it may seem like the person is punishing others… But this is an individual that has been hurt, (damaged) in some way and it just isn’t as obvious as an arm in a cast that will heal up in a short amount of time.
A friend will be patient and gentle and just focus on being a friend. And not on their own agenda or a possible “some time in the future time when you can get into their pants”. The trick is to be in the moment and be there to comfort.
Some one that has had bad luck, or has made bad decisions, or has yet to learn that they should take their time to really get to know someone first, will focus on the recent pain, unless they actively look for help. Talking with someone helps. Reading a self help book helps. The thing to remember is to really listen and not try to put words in their mouth. Sometimes just talking and having some to listen without judging is enough for that person to put things in perspective. Some times they need more time some need professional counseling to be able to let go of the energy they give those events from the past. Everyone is different. We are all on a personal path and some figure it out sooner and others at their own pace.
For someone that has baggage or has been hurt ‒ a good friendship or a good relationship begins slowly and it takes time to slowly get to really know another individual.
I believe we attract situations and people into our lives that we have something to learn from. Life is for learning and we are all on a different path. Some of us are just having more fun than others ‒ depending on where we are on that path.
“You are right where you are supposed to be”
What can you learn from each experiences you have?
I try to focus on the positive. That’s my goal.
Now, remember, we are all on a different position on the path - & there are physiological/biological reasons why people do the things that can be hard to control. Like, remember we are animals and we have instincts. We also have brains but they don’t always work together. Our behaviors are controlled or not controlled - by our brain( depending on where we are on the path)
The other thing to consider is the male/female difference thing... so we also have animal urges that may be difficult to control (depending on where you are on the path). Like for instance when a man has an erection ‒ I can imagine it is difficult to think about things other than pleasuring oneself &/or others at this time… Depending on the circumstances, this might not be the appropriate thing to be doing. He might be with someone he is physically attracted to but doesn’t know well enough ‒ and in reality he doesn’t know she is obsessive’ compulsive and may turn out to be a “Fatal Attraction”. Or maybe something else not as obvious or serious, but a mistake ‒ that could have been avoided if they had used their brains and took the time to know each other first ‒ before getting sexually involved first.
I think once women have sex with a man, most likely they are going to want to bond with that man.. I think they are biologically programmed to mate for life. If this doesn’t happen, - there can be much pain hurt feelings, etc….
Once a woman has had sex with a man some/many women may have an uncontrollable urge to stay with that man, even if he is controlling and even abusive ‒ just because she has uncontrollable biological urge to mate/copulate to make babies. Commonly know animal instinct.
Instinct is a strong fucking urge to control. If one has not trained their brain to override the fucking urge ‒ sometimes you get pain ‒ and then you have baggage……
There are so many things to consider…
Education and Understanding
Previous sexual, mental, or physical abuse
Fear level due to World /Country/ Neighborhood News Events ‒ killing, abuse, death, High-ranking officials abusing their power, war,
Willingness / capability to learn and grow with life’s inevitable changes
Time since breakup or death or abuse etc.
All good reasons to take your time and focus on being friends and getting to know who you are with.
There is a lot that goes into whether two people are compatible, and the only way to figure that out is communication and time…
Having baggage doesn’t make you a bad person. I think more people have baggage, than they may realize…… It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help…
I think it is a good thing to take your time and be friends first……..
2/15/2006 11:37 am
Some day, in years to come, you will be wrestling with the great temptation, or trembling under the great sorrow of your life. But the real struggle is here, now, in these quiet weeks. Now it is being decided whether, in the day of your supreme sorrow or temptation, you shall miserably fail or gloriously conquer. Character cannot be made except by a steady, long continued process.|
--Phillips Brooks (1835-1893) American Bishop
2/18/2006 12:31 am
LL you are a very wise person. I have missed your input. Can you come back and keep me on that honest road? Or am I too bad an influence? Just something for you to think about... unlisted|
2/19/2006 9:41 am
[blog unlistedone] My sweet.............. It is just one road I wish we were on..................|
LOL ( take your pick, any will do - you know what I mean )
2/20/2006 8:03 am
I know what you mean!!!!|
3/11/2006 4:33 pm
wow...this is a very deep post!!! ! GEEE|
live more, laugh often, love much