joke sex work out  

rm_longliner002 49M
166 posts
8/22/2006 8:35 am

Last Read:
8/24/2006 6:56 am

joke sex work out

Sex Workout
Having sex is yet another great past time for burning up those unwanted fat producing calories...
REMOVING CLOTHES
With partner's consent... 12 calories
Without partner's consent... 187 calories
UNHOOKING BRA
Using two calm hands... 7 calories
Using one trembling hand... 36 calories
GETTING INTO BED
Lifting partner... 1.5 calories
Dragging partner along floor... 16 calories
Using skateboard... 3 calories
ACHIEVING ERECTIONS
For normal healthy man... 2.5 calories
Losing erection... 14 calories
Searching for it... 115 calories
PUTTING ON CONDOM
With erection... 1.5 calories
Without erection... 300 calories
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM
If the woman who does it is:
Experienced... 6 calories
Inexperienced... 73 calories
If a man does it... 650 calories
Add five calories for retrieving it from across the room.
POSSIBLE INTERCOURSE SIDE EFFECTS
Bouncing... 7 calories
Sliding around... 9 calories
Serious skidding... 12 calories
Whiplash... 27 calories
ORGASM
Real... 27 calories
Faked... 160 calories
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE
Shoes flew off... 35 calories
Expression didn't change... 0.5 calories
Orchestra swelled... 6 calories
Birds sang:
Large birds... 7 calories
Small birds... 3 calories
Earth moved... 30 calories
PULLING OUT
After orgasm... 0.5 calories
A few moments before orgasm... 500 calories
PENIS ENVY
For woman... 3 calories
For men... 72 calories
GUILT
Banging your boss for a promotion... 30 calories
Sex during a 'sickie'... 10 calories
Bonking each other with parents in other room... 7 calories
Putting it on your expense account... 9 calories
AGGRAVATION
Partner keeps showing plant... 5 calories
Partner insists on dog cuddling during foreplay... 14 calories
Partner just visited bathroom for 7th time... 10 calories
Partner is taking phone calls... 7 calories
Partner is making phone calls... 40 calories
GETTING CAUGHT
By partner's spouse... 60 calories
By your spouse... 100 calories
Trying to explain... 55 calories
Trying to remain calm... 100 calories
Leaping out of bed... 75 calories
Getting dressed in one motion... 500 calories

Q: What do you get when you get Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury DoughBoy together?
A: A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q: Did you hear about the new "super sensitive condoms?"
A: They hang around after sex to cuddle and talk to the woman.
Q: What are the last words of a redneck?
A: "Hey y'all check this out!"
Q: What do you call a guy from Kentucky who doesn't fuck his sister?
A: An only child.
Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A. A cherry float.
Q:How did Helen Keller loose her cherry?
A:The maid left the plunger in the toilet.
Q: Why couldn't Miss Piggy count to 100?
A: Everytime she got to 69 she got a frog in her throat
Q: How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A: One of his fingers is clean.
Q: Have you heard about Playboy's new magazine for married men?
A: Same centerfold every month.
Q: What does a redneck divorce and a tornado have in common?
A: One way or the other someone is losing their trailer!
Q: What's the definition of a complete and utter business failure?
A: A pregnant hooker.
Q: What do you call a guy from Kentucky who doesn't fuck his sister?
A: An only child.
Q: How does an hillbilly mother know her daughter is pregnant?
A: Her son's dick tastes funny.

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF. . .
. . . the most common prase in your house is "someone go jiggle the handle."
. . . you've ever shop lifted from a yard sale.
. . . your uncle's 14 year old kid is out in the front lawn and sayin "Ai Pane Ai Pane."
. . . you miss your 5th grade graduation becasue you are called for jury duty.
. . . your sister has ever asked you to borrow the backhoe.

Little Johnny is in a class where every Friday the teacher asks a question and if you get it right you can leave early.
The first friday the question was how many gallons of water is there in the whole world. No one knew so nobody got to leave early.
Next Friday the question was how many grains of sand is there in the whole world. No one knew so nobody got to leave early.
By this time Little Johnny is getting mad because he figures it's all a con, so he paints two ping-pong balls black. The next Friday the teacher anounces it's time for the question. She turns to write it on the chalk board but before she can do so Johnny rolls the two black ping-pong balls down the isle to her feet.
She turns and says, "Who is the comedian with two black balls?"
Little Johnny said, "Bill Cosby. See you on Monday."


2daycowboywanted 45F

8/22/2006 9:31 am

And thanks so much for brightening the day!! (Giggles)

Until later
2daycowboywanted


rm_longliner002 49M
227 posts
8/23/2006 3:25 pm

thank you for the comment


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