joke The old indian chief  

rm_longliner002 49M
166 posts
9/5/2006 2:39 am
joke The old indian chief


The old indian chief
An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the

reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing

two US government officials sent to interview him.
"Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "you have

observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen

his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his

progress, and the damage he's done."
The chief nodded in agreement. The official

continued, "Considering all these events, in your

opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The chief stared at the government officials for

over a minute and then calmly replied, "When

white man found the land, Indians were running it.
No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver,

women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian

man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night

having sex."
Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "White man

dumb enough to think he could improve system

like that.

Painful break up
A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he

was there he received a letter from his girlfriend.

In the letter she explained that she had slept with

two guys while he had been gone and she wanted

to break up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of

herself back.
So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine

would do. He went around to his buddies and

collected all the unwanted photos of women that

he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of

women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend

with the following note:
"I don't remember which one you are. Please

remove your pictures and send the rest back."

In hell
Demon: Why so glum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!
Demon: It's not so bad. We actually have a lot of

fun down here. Are you a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On

Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila,

Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and Fresca... we

drink till we throw up and then we drink some

more!
Guy: Gee that sounds great!
Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You know it!
Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We

get the finest cigars from all over the world and

smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie-

you're already dead, remember?
Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!
Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why, yes I do.
Demon: Wednesdays you can gamble all you want.

Craps, blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots,

whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well, you're dead

anyhow.
Demon: You into drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't

mean?...
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help

yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack.

Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can

do all the drugs you want; you're dead who cares!

O.D.!!
Guy: WOW !! I never realized Hell was such a cool

place!!
Demon: You gay?
Guy: No....
Demon: "Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."

Prison vs work
Just in case you ever get these two environments

mixed up, this should make
things a little bit clearer.
IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your

time in an 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your

time in an 8X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal and

you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good

behavior.
IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all

the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security

card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...........you could get fired for watching

TV and playing games.
IN PRISON..........they allow your family and

friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to speak

to your family.
IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the

taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses

to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your

salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside

bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time

wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic

wardens.
AT WORK...........they are called managers.

Sex sandals
A married couple was on vacation in Jamaica.

They were touring around the marketplace looking

at the goods when they passed this small sandal

shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a

Jamaican accent say, "You! Foreigners! Come in,

come into my humble shop."
So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special

sandals I think you would be interested in. They

make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the

sandals after what the man claimed, but her

husband felt he really didn't need them, being the

sex god he was.
The husband asked the man, "How could sandals

make you into a sex freak?"
The Jamaican replied, "Just try them on."
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his

wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as

he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look

in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many

years!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the

Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked

down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and

grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming; "YOU GOT

THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!!!"

What to say to telemarketers
If they want to loan you money, tell them you just

filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some

money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to

ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I

borrowed before my bankruptcy?"

If they start out with, "How are you today?" say,

"Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm

so glad you asked, because no one seems to care

these days and I have all these problems, my

sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my

dog just died...." When they try to get back to the

sales process, just continue on with telling about

your problems.

If the person says he's Joe Doe from the XYZ

Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him

to spell the company name, then ask where it is

located. Continue asking personal questions or

questions about the company for as long as

necessary.

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