|Blogs > rm_longliner002 > longliner002 My Blog|
joke The old indian chief
joke The old indian chief
The old indian chief
An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the
reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing
two US government officials sent to interview him.
"Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "you have
observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen
his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his
progress, and the damage he's done."
The chief nodded in agreement. The official
continued, "Considering all these events, in your
opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The chief stared at the government officials for
over a minute and then calmly replied, "When
white man found the land, Indians were running it.
No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver,
women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian
man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night
Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "White man
dumb enough to think he could improve system
Painful break up
A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he
was there he received a letter from his girlfriend.
In the letter she explained that she had slept with
two guys while he had been gone and she wanted
to break up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of
So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine
would do. He went around to his buddies and
collected all the unwanted photos of women that
he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of
women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend
with the following note:
"I don't remember which one you are. Please
remove your pictures and send the rest back."
Demon: Why so glum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!
Demon: It's not so bad. We actually have a lot of
fun down here. Are you a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On
Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila,
Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and Fresca... we
drink till we throw up and then we drink some
Guy: Gee that sounds great!
Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You know it!
Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We
get the finest cigars from all over the world and
smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie-
you're already dead, remember?
Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why, yes I do.
Demon: Wednesdays you can gamble all you want.
Craps, blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots,
whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well, you're dead
Demon: You into drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help
yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack.
Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can
do all the drugs you want; you're dead who cares!
Guy: WOW !! I never realized Hell was such a cool
Demon: You gay?
Demon: "Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."
Prison vs work
Just in case you ever get these two environments
mixed up, this should make
things a little bit clearer.
IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your
time in an 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your
time in an 8X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal and
you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good
IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all
the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security
card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...........you could get fired for watching
TV and playing games.
IN PRISON..........they allow your family and
friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to speak
to your family.
IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the
taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses
to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your
salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside
bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time
wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic
AT WORK...........they are called managers.
A married couple was on vacation in Jamaica.
They were touring around the marketplace looking
at the goods when they passed this small sandal
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a
Jamaican accent say, "You! Foreigners! Come in,
come into my humble shop."
So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special
sandals I think you would be interested in. They
make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the
sandals after what the man claimed, but her
husband felt he really didn't need them, being the
sex god he was.
The husband asked the man, "How could sandals
make you into a sex freak?"
The Jamaican replied, "Just try them on."
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his
wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as
he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look
in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the
Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked
down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and
grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming; "YOU GOT
THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!!!"
What to say to telemarketers
If they want to loan you money, tell them you just
filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some
money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to
ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I
borrowed before my bankruptcy?"
If they start out with, "How are you today?" say,
"Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm
so glad you asked, because no one seems to care
these days and I have all these problems, my
sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my
dog just died...." When they try to get back to the
sales process, just continue on with telling about
If the person says he's Joe Doe from the XYZ
Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him
to spell the company name, then ask where it is
located. Continue asking personal questions or
questions about the company for as long as