Some fun to start you day with  

rm_longliner002 50M
166 posts
12/17/2005 6:07 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Some fun to start you day with

something to start a new day with

Corporate Definitions
BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
CHAINSAW CONSULTANT - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.
IDEA HAMSTERS - People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOM - (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
SQUIRT THE BIRD - To transmit a signal to a satellite.
STARTER MARRIAGE - A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
SWIPED OUT - An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
TOURISTS - People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."
TREEWARE - Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
XEROX SUBSIDY - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
GOING POSTAL - Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.
ALPHA GEEK - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.
ASSMOSIS - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
CHIPS & SALSA - Chips? Hardware, salsa? Software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa.
FLIGHT RISK - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.
GOOD JOB - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" Job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
IRRITAINMENT - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The OJ trials were a prime example. Bill Clinton's shameful video Grand Jury testimony is another.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
UNINSTALLED - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice-mail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance. *(Syn: decruitment.)
VULCAN NERVE PINCH - The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On key.
YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal, "We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
CLM - (Career Limiting Move) Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
DILBERTED - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located." Don't bother asking him . . . he's 404, man."
GENERICA - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. Used as in "We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in."
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

Secret Cat Diary
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair...must try this on their bed (again).
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

Manic Muse
by Veronica Ann Cech
My muse is dead, just up and died.
Never left a note, never said goodbye.
I cajole her and beg her and still she sleeps.
My creative flair, a prisoner she keeps.
I bang my head, and bite my nails.
And still no creative tales.
So at long last I give up the fight,
Turn off the PC, and say goodnight.
And just as my body drifts off to sleep,
I hear this annoying little "peep"
I tell her . . . "No, go away . . .
I called and called for you all day! "
But the "peeps" persist and grow louder still
Until from my slumber I am drawn against my will.
So here I sit in the middle of the night,
Gleaning a strange comfort from the monitor's light.
And wait and wait for my muse to speak,
But all I get is that annoying "peep!"
You might find me one early morn , passed on , gone to my Lord,
And all because my muse was bored!

Poem Title: Surreal Passion

Her eyes store images of surreal fantasies
With unknown pleasures that await to be unfolded.
Lips so enticing and soft, like air pillows of soft cotton
With a texture as smooth as satin.
She stirs the innermost feelings, wants, desires,
And animalistic urges, that no man could deny.
Yet with an innocence so pure,
It would make a nun look evil.
A magnetism so incredibly strong, it's field can not be broken,
By deeds, deception, or denial.
She has me, had me, and forever will have me.

©2005 Kerry O'neal Kendrick
Teaser
Hey! You!
Yeah, you with that
"I've got nearly enough on my plate
but I'd like a serving of you
dressed in nothing more than massage oil"
look in your eyes.
You know,
I'd just love to kiss you.
I've got this kissing urge that goes way beyond
lips and skin and saliva and tongue.
You know, that sort of kissing urge
that just leads on and on to
all senses tingling
and screaming
and begging for more.
Yeah, I'd love to kiss you
Full, firmly on the smacker
so that our breath mingles
and the sweet secretions of
our mouths, open to each other,
blend and brew.
I'd really like to kiss you - can you tell?
And then,
My hands as the servants of
an exploratory mind
would search your face, your head.
Phrenology a study that wants
examining further.
Your neck,
that smooth highway from your mind
to your physique
I would suckle and lick to find
Your pulse.
Your lifeblood.
I'd like to take the lobe of your ear
between my teeth
and tease your aural sensibilities
with the ramblings of my tongue.
I'd like to look deep down into your eyes
and open up your soul to
searing scrutiny.
I'd wrap my aura around yours
to form psychadelia.
I'd like to wrap my arms around
your shoulders
And hold your body from
clavicle to hip
tightly
Against the corresponding parts of me.
I'd like to feel the pressure of your
abs, pecs, thighs
As they fill and flow beneath
their smooth casing.
I'd like to watch them,
make them pumped
and play with them.
I'd like to use my nails against your back
and send morse messages
of lust and desire
through your spinal chord.
I'd follow each rib, each disc
serving as a sub-station
for my dictation.
I'd tattoo these thoughts and dreams
through to yours.
I'd like to massage your fantasies
into pliancy
and sculpt them into form.
I'd like to wrap your legs around
my legs around you
and pull you into me.
I'd like to make you climax so that
your brain loses all sense of
reality, time, rationalism and focus
and swells instead with a mantra
that means more.
I'd like to take you on that rollercoaster
where every loop is the crest of a breaking wave
that spirals down and around
and back until
ups and downs
seem no more like directions
but a never-ending montage.
I'd like to meld our bodies into one
joyous ball of energy
bouncing on the pleasurable see-saw
of ecstasy and bliss.
But I won't.
For,
I'm not that sort of girl
any more.
Copyright; Sophie Jean

Poem Title: Surreal Passion
Her eyes store images of surreal fantasies
With unknown pleasures that await to be unfolded.
Lips so enticing and soft, like air pillows of soft cotton
With a texture as smooth as satin.
She stirs the innermost feelings, wants, desires,
And animalistic urges, that no man could deny.
Yet with an innocence so pure,
It would make a nun look evil.
A magnetism so incredibly strong, it's field can not be broken,
By deeds, deception, or denial.
She has me, had me, and forever will have me.
©2005 Kerry O'neal Kendrick


kats60 56F

12/17/2005 6:35 am

TOOTS IS DEFINETLY THE SEAGULL MANAGER!!! LOL


rm_butteful 48M

12/18/2005 7:38 pm

Your cat diary gave me a giggle, among other stuff. Funny guy.


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