On the twelfth day of Christmas my Master gave to me...  

rm_longliner002 50M
166 posts
12/22/2005 2:46 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

On the twelfth day of Christmas my Master gave to me...

Good Girl, Bad Girl
Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"...
Bad girls say, "what's for breakfast?"
Good girls never go after another girl's man...
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.
Good girls wear white cotton panties...
Bad girls don't wear any.
Good girls wax their floors...
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot...
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls make chicken for dinner...
Bad girls make reservations.
Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies...
Bad girls know they could do better.
Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss...
Bad girls never do either, unless he's very, very rich.
Good girls believe you're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...
Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.
Good girls love Italian food...
Bad girls love Italian waiters

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.
She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."
Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.
A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

The queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
"Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"
The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly."
"Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.
"Oh my God", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?"
The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."
The captain looked at her, "He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry.'

Naughty Poem
I love to feel inside of you
I love to feel your taste
I want to push so deep in you
-I see that wince on your face

I love to be behind you
I love to grab your waist,
I love to bump and grind you,
-and give your ass a taste

I love my hands all over you
I love them on your chest,
I love it when I pull your hair
-and it makes you wet

Some of them are often,
Some few and far between,
But when I think about them,
Oh babe I feel so pleased

Twas the Night Before a BDSM Christmas
by eme .
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
The Masters were spanking their Frauleins and Fraus,
Mistress and Switch in black leather and chains
Were chastising their subbies with paddles and canes
When down in the dungeon there came such a clatter
I jumped from my chair to see what was the matter
Jumped up, tripped over, and fell on my face
Forgot that my Domme had just lashed me in place!
Away to the window I made a mad dash
Threw open the window, felt the cool on my ass
And then through the smoke and the snow and the swirls
Came a rusty old sleigh drawn by twelve pony girls
With bells on their nipples and stripes on their asses
They pulled and they strained, those twelve little lasses
The drunken old driver stood holding his dick
I knew by the "red nose" that this was Old Nick
Slower then snails his chargers they came
And he whipped and he flailed as he called them by name
"Come on Toni and Tina and Tammy
Pull the sleigh or I'll paddle your fanny
And Judy and Julie and Gina and Jilly
With blazing red asses you look somewhat silly
Steffie and Kathie and Kimmie and Kay
You bend yourselves over..its floggins today"
Up on the roof, he went, stumbled and fell
And down the chimney he came screaming like hell
He staggered and stumbled and let out roar
Tripped over a flogger we'd left on the floor!
He set out stuffing stockings we'd hung with great care
A flogger, a shocker, and jeweled clips, (nice pair!)
He worked with a frenzy, then he saw me, OH GREAT!
But I had nothing to fear, 'cause he asked for a date!
Back to his work he flew with a wink of his eye,
As he said "to hell with the cookies, got any pie?
And could I bother you for coffee, it's cold out ya know?"
I said, "Why not, that storm's quite a blow."
He ate and he drank then he finished his work
I wondered if he'd noticed my strange little quirk
He chuckled and said "This should help with your kink"
He stuffed in MY stocking a paddle covered in mink
As he went for the door he said, "Learn to spread JOY

It's more important than any ol' toy!"
I heard him exclaim as he was pulled out of sight

"MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU KINKSTERS
... AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT"

On the twelfth day of Christmas my Master gave to me...
A Twelve inch dildo vibrating..
Eleven anal beads-a-shining...
Ten clamps a clamping...
Nine body peircings...
Eight tubes of lubricant...
Seven vibrating eggs...
Six candles for wax play...
Fiveeeeeee hard spankingsssss...
Four sets of fur lined handcuffs..
Three glass anal plugs...
Two chasity belts...
And a diamond studded collar.


spoldrtn812 51F  
1056 posts
12/22/2005 3:43 pm

Ohhhhh boooyyyyy!!! I must have your permission to copy excerpts from this to my blog this shit was hillarious

thank you for brightening up my day!!!

Please, Sign my Guestbook Screw me!


silkysmoothlegs3 105F

12/23/2005 5:47 pm

giggles


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